Today I’m going to be telling you five texts that you should never send to your ex.
So obviously if you’re reading this, you have an ex and you’re considering sending them a text message or two.
Let’s go ahead and go over a couple of texts that you definitely don’t want to send to your ex.
I’m saying “text messages” here but it’s not just limited to your phone. It could be emails you never want to send, phone calls you never want to have, letters you never want to send, all types of communication with your ex that you should NOT have.
It’s just that texting is a medium that we as a society have decided we would rather communicate with people in in general.
So let’s go over five text messages to never send your ex.
1. “I PROMISE I’ve changed!!”
The first text that you never want to send your ex is the begging and pleading text/“I promise I have changed” text.
You know this one. Whenever you first go through a breakup, most people go through a stage where they send their ex this text. It’s like:
“Hey, I’m sorry. I promise that I’ve changed for good and if we could just get together for coffee and talk about this, I know I can make things right and get back together. Everything is going to be perfect again.”
That kind of text.
You don’t want to send this text to your ex because it’s just a reaction to the breakup.
And, you’re thinking, “Oh yeah, of course it’s a reaction to the breakup.” But you don’t want to just be reacting to the breakup.
You want to actively be creating a better relationship together with your ex.
If you’re just sending these begging/pleading, “I promise I’ve changed” sort of texts, your ex is going to be thinking the only reason you are sending this text is because you want to get back together with them. And you might be thinking, “Yeah, I do want to get back together with them.”
Before your ex is ever going to want you get back together with you, they have to know that it’s not just because you’re in pain and want to make the pain go away by getting back together with them.
They want to know that you understand what they’re going through.
They want to know that you are connected to them.
They want to know that they’re not walking right back into the same relationship that they walked out the door on in the first place.
If you’re simply promising that you’ve changed or begging to get back together with your ex, it’s all talk and it’s not necessarily backed up with anything. Anyone can talk a good talk.
What you actually want to do is demonstrate change through your being, through how you’re bringing yourself to situations.
So don’t be sending the begging/pleading/I promise I’ve changed sort of text. That’s not a good way to go.
2. Meaningless fluff texts.
The second kind of text you do not want to send your ex is the “fluff” text.
What do I mean by fluff text? I mean these cultural fluff things that people send all the time that don’t really mean anything like:
“Hey, how are you doing?”
“What’s going on?”
“Hope you’re having a good day.”
These are things that people just say all the time in our society and they’re sort of throwaway sayings.
If you go to a coffee shop, meet a barista or a cashier at a store, what’s going to happen?
You’re going to say, “Hey, how’s it going?” And they’re going to be like, “Oh, what’s up?” And it’s not like they’re actually saying, “Hey man, it has been a while since you’ve come in for a coffee. I was really wondering how are you doing?” It’s not a really genuine sort kind of thing. It’s like, “Hey, how’s it going? What are you thinking today? Do you want espresso? Do you want a latte? Do you want a mocha?”
And, there’s a cultural treatment of these terms. Even if you genuinely mean them, they are like noise. They don’t really mean anything. It’s just fluff. Just like, “Hey, what’s going on? What’s up? How’s it going?”
We tune this out even if somebody genuinely means it because again, during texting you can only read what’s on the screen. You can’t tell the intonation and inflection.
You can’t tell if somebody says:
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Hey, what’s up man? It has been a while” (which was meant with a deeper meaning).
You don’t get that kind of inflection and vocal tone through text message.
So, just know that if you send the “hey, what’s up?” “how is it going?” “what’s going on?” kind of text to your ex, these are going to be mostly ignored by your ex because we generally ignore these kinds of text messages.
We just generally tune it out because it doesn’t really mean anything in our day-to-day life. It’s just people making noise back and forth to one another. So if you want to be taken seriously, don’t send fluff text messages to your ex.
3. “I’m SO GREAT! Like SUPER AMAZING.”
The third type of text that you don’t want send to your ex is the, “I’m great, I’m happy, I’ve changed for the better, life is wonderful” kind of text.
The reason you don’t want to send this kind of text is that your ex will think that you are sending it because you are trying to impress them or get back together with them.
You seem to have a hidden agenda like, “Hey, if I can just show my ex that I’m happy without them maybe they’ll be jealous. If I can just show my ex that life is wonderful then maybe they want to get back together with me because I’m such a great, happy, wonderful person.”
Or if you send your ex a text where you say, “Hey, man. You know, I’m down 10 pounds since the breakup. I got a new promotion at work and you should see this new car I got,” your ex is just going to think that you’re only trying to impress them or something along those lines.
Initiating contact from your ex from the place of trying to impress them, win them back, show them something or validate yourself is not a great place to be in.
That place starts off with them being on a pedestal and you trying to impress them and work your way up or make them acknowledge you down here.
You don’t want that. You want to be on an even level with your ex.
4. Do NOT text your ex an emotional confession.
The fourth type of text that you do not want to send your ex is an emotional confession, “laying it out on the line” kind of text message.
A lot of people have the belief that if they just pump as much emotion into their phones as they possibly can that it’s going to have some sort of great effect on their ex but it’s not the case.
You DON’T send your ex something like:
“Hey, I just want you to know that the time that we had together was absolutely magical and it will shine in my memory brighter than a thousand stars over a dark evening sky. To me, our love was like a shooting star that zipped across that sky, lit the whole sky on fire. That is what your love meant to me. It illuminated me from the bottom of my soul and it brought such meaning and passion to my life even if it was only for such a brief moment. If I could just wish upon a shooting start, I would wish for that love back again.”
No! Do NOT send that emotional text to your ex.
The reason why is because number one, it does have sort of an implicit, manipulative element where it’s like, “Hey, if I can just tell you the most flowery, beautiful, poetic words that it’s going to somehow change your mind about the breakup.”
In reality, it’s not the words you say that are going to change your exe’s mind.
It’s the consistency of how you bring yourself to interactions with them moment-by-moment, day-by-day, week-by-week that’s going to cause them to trust you and start to reevaluate their past judgments about how you may or may not be. It’s your interactions that cause them to maybe start to see you in a new light.
Another reason why you don’t want to send your ex this text message is because it comes across as WAY over-invested.
If you are re-establishing contact with your ex— maybe you’ve not talked to them in a couple of weeks or maybe your last conversation didn’t go very well, this is going to come across as way over invested.
You’re going to come across as somebody who is trying way too hard.
Your ex is going to think, “Hey, I’m just a guy. Sure, we were together for a while but it wasn’t really working out and then we broke up. I don’t know why you’re sending me this text saying our love was the most magical thing in the world. Sure, we were together. It was kind of cool. But I wouldn’t say it was magical.”
There is a disconnect between where they’re at and where you’re at. That disconnect is NOT going to inspire them to want to get back together with you. It’s going to highlight how much emotional distance there is between the two of you and why they don’t want to be with you right now.
5. Ninja mind games.
The fifth and final text that you don’t want to send to your ex is the ninja mind game text.
Some of you have done a little bit of searching around on the internet and have discovered a certain sub-niche, a genre of texting that is basically the ninja mind game text.
This usually is inspired by people who have tried to text their ex many different things but their ex hasn’t responded to them for any number of reasons.
And, so these people think they have to go out there and find a magical ninja text message they can send their ex because interacting with your ex like a human being isn’t working so clearly you need to cover the covert hypnosis things that are going to force your ex to do things against their will.
So this sort of text message, it could evoke like any number of things but it’s basically something like:
“I have a confession to make…”
Your ex is going to see this and think, “What does this mean? I’m going to text him back and find out what this confession is.”
All this time your ex is thinking, “Do you have some sort of STD or something that I need to know about?” or if you’re a woman your ex might wonder, “Are you pregnant?” And they’re going to worry about this stuff.
When your ex responds, you say:
“I was thinking about you today.”
Or something like that.
Your ex is supposed to think, “Oh, that’s sweet. I’m so glad you don’t have an STD.”
But that’s not how you want to initiate contact with your ex because it is a manipulative mind game and your ex is going to see this. They’re going to feel a little bit taken advantage of. They’re going to believe that you were stringing them along or jerking them around in some sort of silly, weird mind game.
Mind games aren’t going to create the kind of connection and trust that’s going to actually bring you together. I promise the reason you and your ex don’t have a great relationship is NOT because of a lack of mind games between the two of you.
Your ex and you are NOT broken up because the two of you aren’t manipulating each other enough. That really is not the problem.
The problem is that you actually need to have real, genuine, authentic human connections with one another.
The more you have human, genuine heart-to-heart connections— not in the like emotional confession sort of way— but in a way where you pace yourself appropriately in terms of your level of investment (not way over-invested or underinvested) is what will actually bring the two of you back together.
That’s not going to bring the two of you together or create a positive, great, wonderful, loving relationship in the long haul.
So if manipulation is not going to create a great relationship in the long run, why are you playing around with these silly little junior high quality shenanigans right now? Just leave those behind.
So, I hope this has helped you out and has given you a good idea about things that you should NOT text your ex.
To learn more about what you can actually do to maybe work things out with your ex, here’s what I’d like you to do.
Click here now to go to my website and fill out the short quiz telling me a little bit about your relationship.
Next I’ll send your free report, 5 Unconscious Signs Your Ex Still Wants You (Hint: C.A.P.E.T) and customized advice, strategies, and tactics to help you get your ex back.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably going through a breakup and maybe want to get back together with your ex. I can definitely help you with that.
In the meantime, go ahead and leave me a comment down below. Tell me what your experience has been with texting your ex. Have you had any nightmare scenarios? Any good scenarios where you’ve texted your ex and it went surprisingly well? Go ahead and share your experiences down below.