The cliche, “you’ll meet someone when you aren’t looking” used to drive me nuts.
It’s like your happily coupled friends and family are mocking you. Personally, I wanted to sock everyone who said that to me while I was single. I wanted to yell, “HOW DO I LOOK WHEN I’M NOT LOOKING?? Is someone going to trip and fall on me while I’m grocery shopping?”
So what if you are going along, practicing self love and being your wonderful, confident self but you still seriously want someone to share your life with? I know the feeling well.
First, what does it actually mean to “not be looking”? Is that supposed to be taken literally? Does not looking include actually looking or staying hopeful or what?
The spirit of the “looking but not looking” message is that you will meet the right person when you aren’t desperate to be with anyone. That’s great, but what if you really want to be with someone?
The best thing that you can do while single is find a happy balance between wanting someone to share your life with and actually going out and living a full life that doesn’t include another person. When you’re happy alone, other people are inexplicably drawn to you.
That is the essence of the “looking while not looking” message.
How do you meet some while you aren’t looking?
The Answer: Work on Yourself First
I’m not going to suggest that you sit around, gazing at your navel (although if you want to, go for it). Working on yourself is nurturing yourself by reigniting your interests in your friends, hobbies, education and fitness. Time spent on these things all pay off in dividends even if you aren’t coupled up.
Also, the realization that you can be very happy single will come in handy later on if you get into a relationship that doesn’t work because suddenly you have a positive alternative to staying miserable. Being happily single makes it easier to make changes in your personal life when changes are required.
If you are terrified to be alone and haven’t gotten to know who you are in the space between your relationships, it is much more likely that you will cling to the wrong person. The person who isn’t happy at their core will compromise quite a bit to keep someone wrong for them around or jump from relationship to relationship without really figuring out what works.
When you’re out in the world doing things to make yourself happy, you send a strong statement that you are whole and just fine. This kind of signal is strangely like a siren call to the opposite sex. Being single is a great time to accomplish personal goals and cultivate a full, happy life that includes only exactly what you want it to. By “waiting” to create an amazing life, you are settling for less in the present and lack-luster in the future.
Also, when you can be just as happy and vibrant alone as coupled, you won’t settle for less than you deserve for too long. So go out and nurture yourself. And stop wondering if that person is going to call.
Your future relationship will thank you for it.