Today we’re going to be talking about 5 signs that you are losing your ex and ruining your chances of getting back together.
Let’s go ahead and get right into this.
1. You are still in damage control mode.
The very first sign you’re losing your chance with your ex is that you are in damage control mode.
Damage control mode is that psychological place where you’re just panicking all the time.
Most of us go through this damage control phase immediately after a breakup— immediately after we find out that our partner wants to leave us. We go into an initial panic.
For some people, damage control mode can last a couple of days. For others, it could last weeks or even months.
As long as you’re operating from this place of, “Oh my God! I can’t believe this is happening. I have to call for the fifth time today and find out what’s going on. Let me just send one more text message. Let me call and see if I can ask them why they’re breaking up with me so I can get clarity or closure.”
That’s not going to help you. In fact, it’s actually going to drive your ex further away.
So, if you are operating from this place of damage control mode, know that there is a very real possibility that you’re to be push your ex further and further away despite whatever it is that you might be trying to do.
That’s why it’s really, really important for you to get out of damage control mode if you want to get back together with your ex.
2. You are keeping score instead of connecting.
The second sign that you might be losing your ex is that you’re keeping score instead of connecting with them on an emotional level.
In our newsletter and in our courses where we teach people on how to save their relationship, we talk about how the absolute most important thing that you could possibly do if you are going to get back together with your ex or save your relationship is to focus on the quality of the emotional connection between you and your ex.
One of the main ways that people screw this up—especially women— is that they keep score over completely nonsensical things.
As an example, for my online course, I do a weekly question and answer period with some of our students. They can submit what they’re going through and ask me questions like, “what do you think I should do given all this stuff I just shared?”
One of the things that always surprises me is that people make a point to say whether or not their ex is initiating contact with them or whether or not they are the ones having to go out and initiate contact with their ex.
Now, I have NEVER said that this is something that you should be keeping track of. I never recommended that you keep a logbook and say, “OK, it’s a one-time they have contacted me and 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 times that I’ve contacted them.”
What is most important is that you are having a positive connection.
So please, this idea of keeping score over who is contacting who more and how long it’s taking for them to reply and how many times they are flaking out on you is NOT helpful.
The most important thing that you should be focusing in on is NOT keeping score, but simply whether or not the two of you are having positive emotional connections or not.
Positive emotional connections with your ex are the most important thing that you should be focusing on.
3. You are too focused on what YOU want.
The third sign that you might be losing your ex is that you are focusing too much on your agenda.
By your agenda, I mean something like getting back together or not feeling bad anymore. If you’re operating from a place of, “Hey, I want you and me to get back together.” That’s not going to go very well because it’s not focusing on the emotional connection between the two of you. It’s focusing only on you, totally ignoring what your ex is at emotionally.
They probably broke up with you for any number of reasons. Unless you can actually start to address those reasons and work through those, trying to convince them to get back together with you is completely flat-out ignoring where they are at emotionally.
You’re basically saying, “Screw you. I don’t care where you’re at emotionally. I want to get back together so I can feel better.”
That’s not going to go over very well. I can tell you that from personal experience and from working with hundreds of people.
So, you want to let go of your agenda and focus on connecting with your ex on an emotional level because I doubt that you just want to get back together with your ex at any cost. You wouldn’t want to JUST be in a relationship with them.
You want to be in a relationship where they’re excited about it and thrilled to be back together with you. You want the kind of relationship where the two of you connecting and it’s sizzling and sexy and all of that good stuff.
So, that’s what I’m guessing you really want. You don’t want to just log on to Facebook and change your relationship status from ‘single’ or ‘it’s complicated’ back to ‘in a relationship.’
You want to actually have that connection.
So let go of this agenda of getting your ex back and instead focus on the connection because when you focus on the connection, you’ll be getting what you REALLY want (that connection).
And when you focus on the connection, getting back together will naturally happen because you’re not going to get back together with your ex without a connection. So, why not just focus on the connection and let the getting back together part occur organically, naturally, and automatically?
4. You’re not demonstrating change.
The fourth sign that you are losing your ex is that you’re not demonstrating change.
It’s pretty clear that there was some reason why your ex left the relationship. They’re not going to be walking back into that same relationship if nothing has changed.
That’s why, it’s really important for you to demonstrate change to your ex to really show them that things are going to be different if they decide to get back together with you.
Now oftentimes, a lot of people would not actually demonstrate change and just focus on the emotional connection.
And, if the emotional connection IS what was missing then that’s demonstrating change right there. But if it was something else, just focusing on the emotional connection might get your ex to the point where they’re talking to you again.
But ultimately, they’re not going to choose to be back together with you because there is no actual belief on their part that things are going to be different.
You have to REALLY demonstrate change.
You have to really understand why your ex broke up with you and say, “OK, is it because I didn’t have any ambition and I was unemployed?” If so, time to demonstrate some changes. Get some ambition and get a job. Whatever it might be. And, of course focus on the emotional connection at the same time, right?
5. You’re playing it too cool.
The fifth sign that we’re going to be talking about today for when you know you’re losing your ex is if you’re basically playing it too cool.
What I mean here is, there are places on the internet or certain videos on YouTube where people encourage you to act aloof, play mind games, use reverse psychology and play hard to get.
It’s that idea— whoever cares the least controls the relationship kind of stuff, right?
This can cause people to act kind of too cool where they just pretend like they just don’t give a damn about their ex. That’s not going to help you get your ex back unless your ex is a horribly insecure person, in which case, do you really want to be with them? Really?
OK. But really, the whole playing it cool thing, hard to get thing, whoever cares the least thing, mind game thing, that’s not going to help your ex feel excited about getting back together with you because your ex wants to be in a relationship with somebody who gives a damn, who cares about them, wants to open up to them, who actually does want to share every living, vibrating, vivid moment of life together with them, not somebody who is too cool for school.
So, please don’t try this “playing it cool” thing.
It’s fine if you actually legitimately are cool and that’s just your authentic expression of who you are. But don’t think that you need to put on some sort of act, play these mind games or pretend to always be busier than you are in order to pique their curiosity or make them jealous. It’s just B.S.
What you want to do is you want to just be a hundred percent open and honest with them the way that we’ve talked about here, in our newsletter and our courses because that’s what really is going to help you with your ex.
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