What To Say When You Call Your Ex

Hi, I’m Brad Browning. I’m a relationship coach, breakup guru, and author. Today I’ll give you some tips and advice for phoning your ex. I’ll tell you what to say and when to call your ex, and I’ll give you some general advice on how to handle a phone conversation.

Just a quick plug before I dive into the important stuff. If you have questions you’d want me to answer, or if you just want to share your thoughts, visit me at my website here.

Now, first, I should quickly say that while there’s nothing wrong with phoning your ex, and calling him or her can really help you win them back if you handle things well, I usually recommend text messages as the best way to start talking with your ex again.

I’ve got other content about texting your ex, and you can get some sample text message ideas at my website. If you and your ex used to text back and forth a lot, that’s a better option than phoning for the first few conversations.

If your ex isn’t into text messages, or you’re at the point where you’d rather phone, then that’s fine, too.

There actually are a few benefits to getting your ex on the phone. The sound of your voice can bring back memories, and it’s certainly a more personal and intimate form of communication than texting or Facebook message. You just need to make sure that you know exactly what you’re going to say when you pick up the phone to call your ex.

1. Keep it brief and be the one to end the conversation.

First and foremost, you should keep all initial conversations very brief. One or two minutes is ideal. You should also be the one to end these phone calls first, not your ex. So, come up with some sort of excuse after a minute or two of chitchat. Something like:

“Sorry, I’m actually just about to head out the door, but maybe we can catch up more another time.”

If you don’t like the idea of shutting down a conversation so quickly, you can leave the door open for your ex to phone you again at a later date by saying:

“If you want to chat more, then why don’t you give me a shout this weekend. I’ll be around.”

This allows you to be the one to end the call after a few minutes but still indicates to your ex that you’re interested in chatting more in the future and giving them that option. It’s not necessary to do this, so we’ll call it “optional”.

2. Stay friendly and upbeat.

What’s not optional is the nature of your conversations. You need to keep all your calls with your ex casual, upbeat, and friendly. Make sure you sound happy, not depressed.

Remember, you’re fine with the breakup, and you don’t really need your ex anymore. Even if that’s not true, it’s the message you should be sending to your ex.

Don’t bring up any serious topics, and definitely don’t mention the breakup or your desire to get back together with your ex. If he or she tries to bring up these topics, just try to move the conversation on to something else as quickly as possible without being rude.

3. Don’t stress out about it.

If you call and your ex doesn’t answer, don’t stress out. Leaving a voicemail is actually a great option, especially for the first contact after the no-contact period.

Just keep the message really short and don’t sound nervous or anxious.

Say something really quick and thoughtful like:

“Hey, I just wanted to call and let you know that the funny t-shirt store downtown that you love is having a huge blowout sale next week. Thought you’d like to know since you always loved that store but hated how expensive it was. So, anyway, I hope all is well.”

Make sure you prepare what you’re going to say ahead of time so that if you do end up leaving a voicemail, you don’t have to struggle to come up with something meaningful on the spot.

Also, notice that I kept the message super short. I didn’t say anything that would make your ex feel pressured into calling you back. Just a quick, thoughtful message, again, that will get your ex thinking about you.

Whether your ex picks up or not, whether you have to leave a message, just remember, you’re not trying to get back together with this one phone call.

So, just start with a brief, fun, and upbeat message or call. Be calm or cool. Have fun and enjoy the conversation. Don’t bring up your breakup or anything serious. Your only goal at this point is to get your ex thinking about you and remind them how much fun it is to hang out with you and talk to you, and that’ll start rebuilding some attraction, which is what you need to get them back.

What To Do When Your Ex Calls You

And, one last thing I should mention, you might also be wondering what to do if your ex calls you. If you’ve followed the strategies I’ve explained in my other work and in my “Ex Factor” guide program, there’s a good chance that will happen at some point. And, that’s great. But, you should also be prepared for that and know how you’re going to handle the call from your ex when it comes.

The same principles apply, though, whether you’re calling yourself or whether you’re answering his or her call. Keep it short. Stick to fun and interesting chitchat. And, make sure you’re the one to end the call.

You want your ex to think that you’re busy with your social life, with dating new people, and so on. So, the first few conversations need to be brief, and you should be the one to decide when they end and how they happen, and when they take place. And, this is a subtle but powerful way to manipulate the way your ex sees you.

Well, that’s all for now. Thanks very much for taking the time to read.

Head over to my website and watch my video about exactly what to do to win back your ex.

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2 thoughts on “What To Say When You Call Your Ex”

  1. Avatar

    Hi there. My name’s Christina. And my boyfriend of 3yrs broke up with me in September 2016. He’s kept in contact with me ever since. Good morning, goodnight, have a good day messages all the time. I tried to block him but he reached out to a friend to see how I was doing. I replied and he acted as if I was a bother. I recently found out that he’s been hanging out with someone else and that was the straw the broke the camel’s back so I’ve been completely ignoring him. He’s called and called, texted and emailed. He said he’s never ignored me but he gets it and he deserves it. He just wants to see how I was doing. It’s be a two solid weeks I’ve been doing nc. And I have to admit I’m starting to feel so much better. It hurts sometimes. I plan to stick it out. He broke up with me because in the three years we’ve been together I never brought him home. It was my frirst relationship and I have the worlds most prying mother. I didn’t know a good time. I’m not embrassed of him. I just didn’t know how to handle the situation. I’m hoping that he’s just really upset and will have a change of heart. But if he doesn’t it’s okay. I’m showing myself I can go without him in my life. Thank you. Hope to hear from you soon.

    1. Avatar

      Hi Christina,

      What do you actually want? From your message I can’t figure out if you want your ex back or if you want to be rid of him for good. Your actions– blocking him, cutting off contact and trying to get over him– say that you don’t want him back but you’re saying you want him to have a change of heart.

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