Today, I’m going to be share my personal experience with how I got my ex girlfriend back using no contact.
A long time ago, I went through a series of breakups with a woman that I was in a relationship with for 7 years. We were high school sweethearts and that relationship bled into my early to mid-twenties.
During this time, we broke up and got back together a couple of times and this is what sent me down the path towards learning about breakups and relationships, and how to have the best possible outcome in the dating and relationship world.
Specifically, the second time we broke up, I decided to do no contact. The first time, well that’s the whole weird story that I won’t get into right now.
I was afraid of doing no contact.
I had been reading about the no contact rule on forums and I was afraid to do it because the weird, irrational side of me was afraid that my ex would forget about me and move on or something like that.
It seems kind of ridiculous to think that she would just forget about somebody who— at the time— we had been together for five years but that’s what I was afraid of.
Eventually, she said something to me which really frustrated and irritated me. I was pissed off to the point where I decided I was going to give the no contact rule a try.
During this time, it was really hard for me to go through no contact. But, because of this falling out we had right beforehand, I really wanted to detach myself emotionally from her. Mostly because I realized that the person that I thought she was wasn’t really the person that she was in reality.
I was 22 and I believe she was 19 or 20. In the United States, you need to be 21 in order to buy alcohol. On some level she knew she had me wrapped around her little finger.
My ex girlfriend called me up and asked me if I would buy some alcohol for her friends for their New Year’s party. She wasn’t inviting me along or anything like that. She was just using me to get alcohol and that really pissed me off. So I said “goodbye!” and hung up the phone.
I went right into no contact at that moment.
I was really frustrated and disgusted with the realization that at best she was someone who was very easily manipulated by her friends, had no personal boundaries and would do anything to be liked by people (which turned out to be the truth), or at worst, she was a very sinister, manipulative person who wanted to get what she could out of me.
During my period of no contact, I detached myself emotionally from the person who I thought that she was. I went back to finish my final year of university, built my own social circle, surrounded myself with new experiences, really focused on my studies and doing things to better myself.
I also put energy into my relationship and communication skills. To my knowledge, they didn’t have anything like advanced relational skills I teach today. So I learned and developed by putting these things together for myself.
After three or four weeks, I was living in entirely different life. I was not so attached to my ex emotionally. I was more invested in my own life and my own experience than I was in gaining her approval or getting my ex girlfriend back.
I made a total shift in my way of bringing myself to the world.
One day I was in between classes at school (this was before smart phones) and I went to the computer lab to check my email.
My ex girlfriend reached out to me over email.
She said something to the effect of, “Hey, I missed you so much. I’m tired of playing this game. When can we talk?” or something like that.
I had to zip off to my next class, so I wrote her back really quickly. “Hey, I’m about to go to my night class. I’ll call you when it when I get out.” I turned my cell phone off because I didn’t want to be that asshole in class whose phone goes off while the teacher is talking.
When I got out of class, I turned my phone back on and saw that I’d missed three or four different phone calls from her. I guess she was really excited to hear from me.
I called her back and we talked for awhile.
It was pretty good conversation. Shortly after that we met up for coffee to see if we could have each other in our lives in some capacity.
We weren’t ready to say, “Yes, we’re dating again” or anything like that. We were testing the waters to see if we could be civil around each other, if it was going to be all these weird emotions that were happening before the no contact period. I won’t bore you with all the details but our connection was surprisingly good.
Over the next couple of weeks and months, we took it slow and we rebuilt our emotional connection. We dated each other again and slowly moved things forward.
Eventually, it got to the point where my ex asked me to be her boyfriend again.
And that’s the story of how we got back together the second time.
We stayed together for another two years after that until we both came to the realization that we wanted different things out of life. As we became adults and got out into the real world, it became more and more evident that our values and what we wanted for ourselves really weren’t compatible with one another. Eventually we decided to part ways for the final time.
So, that is how I got my ex girlfriend back using no contact and it’s the seed of what eventually became the active no contact period that I currently teach people who want to get back together with their ex.
I hope my no contact experience has helped you and given you insight in getting back together with your ex.
How about you?
Are you trying to get back together with your ex?
How long has it been?
Do you guys hate each other?
Do you still talk to each other or are you not talking at all?
No matter what your situation, don’t wait too long or you’ll lose your chance.
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