This is Clay and today I’m going to tell you five signs that the active no contact rule is working.
A lot of people will look to their ex to know if the no contact rule is working.
“Is my ex reaching out to me?”
“is my ex calling me?”
“is my ex telling me they miss me?”
“is my ex trying to meet up for coffee or not?”
What you really should be doing is looking at yourself, because the reason you want to do active no contact is for yourself, not for your ex.
1. You feel better emotionally.
The first sign that it’s working is that you feel better on an emotional level.
You are not driven by emotions like neediness, desperation, loneliness, anger or rage. You can actually feel a calmness washing over you, you can actually handle your life, and you are not in crisis emergency mode. You realize that no matter what happens, you can handle life and you are a whole person in and of yourself.
2. You are doing new things with your life.
You are starting to move your life in a new direction, not just for the sake of keeping busy or to distract yourself from what you are going through. You actually care about these new things that you are doing and you are taking your life in a new direction.
Your life has become about growth and moving forward, not just about keeping busy or not just about distracting yourself. You are not just about putting on this act to make your ex think you are doing new things. You are actually doing new things because you really care about them..
3. You are feeling more self-love and acceptance.
You give a damn about your own life and want it to go well. You are not inflicting suffering on yourself by doing things that don’t really feel good, just for the sake of getting some sort of distant goal in the future, like getting back together with your ex.
Instead, you love your own life and give a damn about having the best life you can for yourself in this moment.
4. You have been spending more time on yourself.
You are not basing your life around your ex or sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring. You are not afraid to go out and do something for yourself because you are worried that they might call you back, after you have bombarded them with messages.
Instead, you have let go of the feeling that you might miss out on something because you have started living your life for yourself and taking care of yourself.
Once you have started nourishing yourself with healthy foods, exercising, and really loving yourself all the way to your core, that is another sign active no contact is really working.
5. You don’t feel so reactive about your ex.
The fifth sign that the active no contact rule is working is that you no longer live in reaction to your ex.
If your ex says something painful or hurtful to you, you don’t have all of your hopes dashed and spend the next several days sulking and feeling like your chances of getting them back are ruined.
Of course, if your ex says something bad about you, you might feel bad about it, that’s fine. But it shouldn’t absolutely devastate you and crush your entire world. You aren’t living in reaction to them.
We’ve mentioned this before, but the ideal place to be is in response, where can consciously choose what you do next, rather than automatically reacting from a gut-level emotional place where you are driven by emotions like anger, fear, loss, sadness or loneliness.
When you start to look at the big picture, then you can see that the no contact rule is really about yourself.
No contact is really about helping yourself heal from the breakup. Healing makes it so you can move forward to have either the best possible relationship with your ex or with someone new if you are ready to move on and start a new chapter of your life.
The no contact rule can help you present the best part of yourself to your ex, but obviously there are no guarantees with getting your ex back. I can’t give you some secret psychological move that’s going to give you all a hundred percent success rate in getting your ex back.
However, doing the active no contact rule will absolutely make your life better and, if you do get back in touch with your ex, they will be able to see that you are a better person. That gives you the best possible chance of saving your relationship.