Today we are going to talk about five signs you have a chance with your ex.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of signs you can get back together by any stretch of the imagination, so don’t think, “oh no I don’t have any of those signs” or ”I only have one of those signs so I have no chance whatsoever.”
Whether you will be able to eventually get back together with your ex or not is not that way at all, I promise you.
Here are five of the biggest signs you have a chance with your ex:
1. Your ex still has feelings for you.
Notice how I didn’t say that they still love you or that they enjoy spending time with you, they just have any kind of feeling.
Even if the feeling is anger or frustration, it shows that there is still that emotional charge when they are interacting with you or thinking of you.
That is really important because you can actually leverage that emotional charge and use the advanced relationship skills that we teach to unbox that negative emotion– even if it is anger– and help to turn that into an opportunity for connection. Then we help you transform that into a much more desirable emotion like love or joy.
2. Friction between you is low.
The second sign you have a chance with your ex is there is not a significant amount of friction between the two of you.
So what do I mean by friction in a relationship?
That is where there are lifestyle incongruences between you and your ex.
Friction could be a geographical problem where you live on opposite sides of the country so it is very difficult for you to spend a lot of time with each other or even see each other.
Long distance does not mean that your situation is hopeless. There are a lot of people in long distance relationships who have gotten back together, I’ve seen it, I’ve watched it, I’ve witnessed it first-hand, and it is actually not that uncommon.
For certain people, certain types of friction will make getting their ex back more difficult. It just depends on your own personal values and what’s important to you, what you are willing to deal with, etc. I’ll get into more about that in a moment.
Other things that cause friction are like your family’s disapproval of your ex or their family disapproving of you, religious differences, cultural differences, things like that.
Those can all add little bits of friction. If the friction is too great and there is too much incongruence between your lifestyles and your values, then it can make it a little bit more difficult to get back together.
If there isn’t too much friction and both of you are more or less the same people that were compatible and got together in the first place, then that is going to definitely help out your cause.
3. You connect on an emotional level.
The third sign that you still have a chance to get back together with your ex is that you have learned how to connect with them on an emotional level.
Often times, people who are trying to get their ex back will try to connect with an ex on a sexual level. They try to flirt with and/or seduce their ex.
The idea here is to try to get some type of connection going to prove that there’s still an element of a romantic relationship. But, from what we’ve talked about in other articles and in the past, you really don’t have to worry about being in the “friend-zone” with your ex.
So, don’t think that you have to force that physical connection to get significance back into the relationship. Because I promise you, that spark is still there even if they are not talking about it unless they told you something like, “I am just not attracted to you,” or “I just see you as a friend.”
If you can look past the physical connection and connect with them on an emotional level, then the two of you are sharing your emotional experiences and connecting that way.
Building a strong emotional connection is what will really help you get back together with your ex.
Obviously you need attraction, but because you were together in a relationship previously, I am going to guess that that attraction is already there, right?
And, don’t worry about the “friend zone.” When you focus on the emotional connection first, then all of the physical attraction, flirting and romance will take care of itself.
4. You’re out of damage-control mode.
When you first go through a breakup, most of us have been in what I call “damage-control” mode. This is when you’re reacting to everything that your ex does.
It is when you start freaking out because your ex is always changing their mind. That is what happens when you’re in “damage-control” mode.
Everything you are doing is sort of in reaction or in response to your ex. You dance around them and worry about what their next move is going to be. You over-analyze everything and walk on eggshells.
“Damage control” mode is not very conducive to getting back together because it does not create a vision of positivity or working towards a great relationship together. It is just kind of micro-managing and nit-picking and it does not inspire your ex to want to open up or recommit to you.
Your ex doesn’t want to feel that they have so much power over you.
Damage control mode is not a great start to building the equal partnership where both of you are in a relationship and coming together to benefit each other’s lives equally.
Instead, they actually feel that they have a large power-sway over you and that is not very attractive. This power imbalance will make them not want to go out of their way to interact with you or to try to get back together with you.
What you want to do is to get out of “damage control” mode. We talk about that in extensive detail in our newsletter here.
5. You’re not giving up.
The fifth and final sign that you will get back together with your ex is if you are not willing to give up.
People often overlook tenacity.
They say, “what are the signs I have to look for to see that I have a chance to get back with my ex?”, “what if my ex is in a rebound relationship?” and “my ex is saying that they hate me?”
All of these are focused on their ex! But, the biggest sign that you can get them back is that you are not willing to give up.
That’s because when you are having this half-hearted thing where you’re wondering about your chances of getting back together– and there is some setback– I promise you that there will be setbacks and challenges along the way for the both of you to get back together.
If you hit one of those challenges and start doubting yourself and think there is no hope, or, if she says she hates you so now you are thinking about giving up and let that control you, then of course you are less likely to get back together. The smaller your chances of getting your ex back are going to be.
You have to have mental toughness and tenacity. You need to know exactly what you want and be willing to go after it 100% no matter what road bumps or obstacles or hurdles are thrown in your path.
Tenacity is probably one of the most important signs you have a chance with your ex.
If you are willing to not give up no matter what it takes then here is what I would like you to do.
Go my website and sign up for my free report, 5 Unconscious Signs Your Ex Still Wants You (Hint: C.A.P.E.T.).
That way, we can help you with advice, and tips, and strategies to help you get back together.