Specifically, we’re going to be talking about what your ex means and what’s going on with them when they say that they just want to be friends with you.
There are two likely times that your ex says they just want to be friends with you.
1. When your ex is actually breaking up with you.
If your ex says that they just want to be friends with you, there – there’s a couple of things that could be going on.
They might be trying to let you down easy and trying to brush you off. That is a realistic possibility.
However, in my experience, your ex will usually say they want to be friends with you because they value the connection that the two of you had and they want to keep you in their life in some capacity or another.
They don’t just want to let you go and never hear from you again.
Breakups can hurt.
But, if the two of you spent a good amount of time together, have friends in common, and have good experiences together, they probably do want to keep you in their life in some capacity.
And the whole friend zone, is not something you really need to worry about with your ex. I’ve talked about this before but you don’t need to worry about the friend zone when it comes to your ex.
Your ex will always think of you as an attractive person unless you’ve gone through some sort of massive physical change.
I’m not talking about a change like, “Oh, I gained five pounds.”
Maybe if you’ve gained 50 or 100 pounds, that’s another story.
Or, if you’ve gone through some sort of major personality change or something like that or unfortunately maybe one of your parents passed away and now you’re chronically depressed all the time. That could do something to your exe’s attraction for you.
Aside from all of that, your ex is not going to just abruptly lose all attraction for you.
The problem is that the emotions between the two of you get in the way of their attraction and stop that attraction from bringing the two of you closer together.
The history, baggage and hurt feelings are the kind of things that will going to keep the two of you apart.
It’s not an attraction problem.
If your ex wants to stay friends with you, I suggest that you stay friends.
If there’s no friend zone, you’re not really in a friend zone.
You’re actually giving your ex space to feel you out and for you to feel them out and for you to have an opportunity to have an emotional connection with one another.
Your ex is not going to make this like black or white decision right away like:
“Am I going to get back together with them, yes or no? Yes.”
That’s not going to happen.
Your ex is going to need time to feel things out and see what sort of connection the two of you still have.
They will want to see what sort of a rapport the two of you have and if you can still get along. They’ll want to see if there’s any real, substantial change in the dynamic between the two of you so they don’t walk back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place.
Nobody wants that, right?
2. Your ex might say they just want to be friends AFTER you’re already broken up and have been interacting with each other.
The second time that your ex might say that the two of you should just be friends is if the two of you have already broken up and you’re interacting with one another.
Maybe you’re texting, hanging out and doing whatever together.
Maybe you ask them to get back together with you or maybe you’re just interacting one day and they say, “Hey, we should just be friends.”
What’s going on here is that your ex is sensing a hidden agenda on your part.
They’re sensing that you are trying to move the interaction that you’re having with them towards the goal of getting back together and towards the goal of being in a relationship.
And.. your ex doesn’t feel that same connection with you.
In fact, if your ex doesn’t feel that same connection and you’re trying to steer them or railroad them towards getting back together, what they’re actually going to feel is a sense of upset because they’re going to think that you are using them to get what you want.
They know that you want to get back together and they have to take you back in order for the two of you to get back together, right?
In essence, if your biggest priority is getting back together, it’s not on meeting your ex where they are at emotionally.
If you’re not talking to your ex, if you’re not listening to them, and if you’re not feeling them out and they’re just a stepping stone for you to get back together then that’s not going to fly very well.
You need to focus more on the quality of the connection that the of you having in the moment rather than the outcome, the end result of getting back together.
So, focus more on the means— not so much on the end result of getting back together— and if your ex does really enjoy spending time with you, there shouldn’t be any rush.
The two of you should continue to have great interactions, building positive connections with one another.
As the two of you start to open up more bond or connect more, it’s going to become much, much, much easier for your ex to envision a romantic future with you.
And… they’ll stop saying things like, “We should just be friends.”
Instead, they’ll start saying things like, “Would you ever want to be my boyfriend or girlfriend again?”
This actually happened to me once.
Just remember, focus on the quality of the emotional connection between you and your ex.
Focus on building these high quality interactions and you will be able to really jump frog or leapfrog over this “friendship” thing and really get back into the whole romantic world.
But getting them back and avoiding the friendzone really does revolve more around the emotional connection itself rather than the end goal of being in a relationship.
Don’t forget that.
To learn more about how to build this high quality emotional connection with your ex, visit my website here and fill out the quick quiz.
Next, I’ll send over your free report, 5 Unconscious Signs Your Ex Still Wants You (Hint: C.A.P.E.T.).
Then, watch your inbox for customized tips, strategies and advice to rebuild your emotional connection and completely avoid being friendzoned by your ex. I’ll help bring the two of you closer and create much more positive emotional experiences together.