Today I’m going to continue on my journey through things that people often think are very important when it comes to getting back together with their ex that actually aren’t important.
I’m going to talk about how to re-attract your ex or whether your ex has put you in the friend zone.
Often people will worry about how to re-attract their ex.
They might be afraid that their ex is going to put them in the friend zone.
Or they are worried they will basically be turned into a platonic friend who they sip lattes with and gush about the new person that they’re dating. They worry they could turn into a eunuch with no romantic charm to their ex, whatsoever.
Unless your ex is a total asshole, that’s probably not going to happen.
The truth is that you probably don’t need to re-attract your ex unless you’ve gone through a massive physical change of some sort.
Unless you gained or lost a significant amount of weight, were in a horrible accident with a wood chipper, or went through a very substantial personality break where before you led your ex to believe you were a normal person but they later found out that you actually had a secret family they didn’t know about, then you do NOT need to worry about re-attracting your ex.
Your ex has already decided that you are an attractive, sexy, and very desirable person.
There’s not much else you can do to change their mind, short of being disfigured or having a personality break.
Don’t worry about re-attracting your ex.
Once people feel attracted to someone else, the attraction is kind of locked into place.
You can’t really do much to flip the switch off in their mind and so they think, “that person is not attractive to me anymore.”
Unless you physically changed in a very dramatic way (I’m not talking about gaining or losing five pounds here). Or unless you have revealed, the person that you presented is actually not the person who you actually are.
Don’t think that you need to re-attract your ex. Your ex is already locked in and attracted to you.
You might be thinking, “Well OK, Clay. My ex even told me that they aren’t attracted to me anymore. What’s your response to that Mister Smartypants?”
Here’s what I have to say about that.
Your ex IS attracted to you.
It’s just that there are all of these negative emotions, baggage and history that the two of you shared together because you were in a relationship.
This has caused the bad feelings to build up between the two of you, right?
If you are an attractive person that your ex found attractive and they liked your personality and all that. But maybe they found out that you cheated on them.
Maybe the two of you just argued so much that the negative feelings are essentially blocking their positive feelings of attraction from bringing the two of you together.
If you think back to somebody you dated a long time ago— maybe in high school—you probably think of that person as attractive if you just saw their photo or remember them from a long time ago.
You would probably think, “that was an attractive person.”
And, the reason that you might not want to be in a relationship with that person anymore— depending on your history with them— is probably because of what happened, what they said or did, right?
You realize, “oh, well they did that thing and pissed me off and so we broke up.”
It’s not so much that the person loses attractiveness or that the person loses attraction for you, it’s that the attraction is blocked by history, bad emotions, experiences that you had together and baggage.
It doesn’t matter how much you focus on trying to re-attract your ex, the attraction and love is still going to be blocked by whatever negative emotion is currently blocking it.
It doesn’t matter if you turn the attraction up to 11 on a scale of 1 to 10. It’s still going to be blocked.
Before that attraction is ever going to be felt by your ex again, you have to remove the block.
You must remove their negative feelings toward you.
You do that by building positive emotions an creating a positive emotional connection with your ex.
This ties in with the whole idea of the friend zone.
Since ex already inherently finds you attractive, you’re probably not in the friend zone.
The friend zone doesn’t really exist when it comes to people who have been in a relationship together and then broke up for any number of reasons.
The friend zone absolutely does exist if you were never in a relationship with somebody.
If you were just crushing on this girl or this guy over here and the two of you never dated and never were in a relationship with each other, then that person might have put you in the friend zone.
But if you were in a relationship with that person, that person hasn’t put you in a friend zone, right?
They still feel that attraction for you like I was telling you before, but it’s being blocked by what happened when the two of you were in a relationship and by what you said or did.
Don’t worry about the friend zone, you’re not in the friend zone with your ex.
What you need to do is to remove that baggage, the block that is stopping the attraction that already exists between the two of you from bringing you together and forming a loving relationship, which is what attraction naturally does anyway.
So how do you do that?
You focus on the quality of the connection between you and your ex.
You focus on building high-quality interactions so that you can come together again and feel attracted to each other and emotionally close again.
When that happens, the two of you are going to get back together naturally.
So don’t worry about re-attraction, trying to seduce your ex, or about making sure they think that you’re a hot babe or a hot hunk.
Just focus on having high-quality, emotional interactions with one another that will bring the two of you back together.
So how do you increase the quality of connection?
Head on over to my website and fill out the quick quiz.
Then I’ll send over your copy of 5 Unconscious Signs Your Ex Still Wants You (Hint: C.A.P.E.T.) and customized tips, advice, and strategies that will really help you to build the quality connection between you and your ex.
Don’t miss out on your chance to get back together.