5 Things That DON’T Matter When It Comes To Getting Back Together

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Today, I want to share with you what the most important thing when it comes to getting back together with your ex really is.

Before we get into that, I want to tell you five things that actually don’t matter when it comes to getting your ex back even though a lot of people think that they matter.

1. Whether or not your ex is initiating contact with you.

The first thing that doesn’t matter is whether or not your ex is initiating contact with you.

Now, this has very little to do with actually getting back together although it seems important and it’s usually something that women seem to worry about more than men.

If you’re really noticing a lot that like, “Oh, I’m doing all of the initiating with my ex” it’s not really a good predictor of whether you will get back together. It doesn’t matter who is picking up the phone and sending the message.

What matters most is the quality of the message and the interaction between the two of you when there is an interaction.

For example, when my wife and I text and talk, I don’t really stop and think about whether I’m initiating with her or she’s initiating with me. I have no idea who does most of the initiating. It could be completely one-sided for all I know.

All I know is that we have a pretty good dynamic, right? So I encourage you to drop any kind of score keeping because keeping score is the kiss of death for relationships— one of many kisses of death— but it’s definitely a kiss of death for relationships.

Focus on having high-quality interactions with everyone instead.

2. Whether your ex is moving on or not.

The second thing that most people seem to think matters a lot is whether or not their ex is moving on.

It doesn’t matter if your ex is moving on or not because you want them to move on.

You want your ex to move on from the heartache, devastation, pain, anguish, and the agony of the breakup. You want them to move on so the two of you can have a decent, reasonable, strong emotional connection with one another.

If you and your ex don’t move on from your original breakup, you are just going to repeat the same awful breakup cycle of coming together, realizing it sucks, breaking up, coming together, realizing it still sucks and breaking up again.

That’s not going to take you anywhere you want to go.

What both of you need is to make a clean break and move on emotionally so you can form a new connection where you have moved on from the breakup.

Then both of you are able to have a stronger, more meaningful, healthier connection with one another. This is very important.

3. Whether your ex has put you in the friend zone.

The third thing that most people think is really important when it comes to getting back together with your ex is whether or not your ex is putting you in the friend zone or whether or not you are able to re-attract your ex.

Re-attracting your ex or getting out of the friendzone doesn’t matter whatsoever when it comes to getting back together with your ex, because your ex probably finds you attractive already unless you had some sort of dramatic physical change. I’m talking like really dramatic, not like “I have a zit” or “I gained five pounds” but a really dramatic physical change.

Dramatic like, “Hey, remember that thing I used to have called ‘my face,’ that’s not there anymore.” That kind of dramatic.

Or you have a very dramatic personality change where they think they were getting this but instead they end up getting something else instead.

If these sort of things happened then you might need to do some re-attraction because your ex needs to find out who you are again.

Other than that, your exe’s attraction switch has already been flipped. You are already an attractive person to your ex so you don’t need to worry about this.

Instead you need to understand that the attraction that’s already there between the two of you is simply just being blocked by baggage, negative emotions and the history between the two of you.

It doesn’t matter if you use every attraction trick in the book with your ex.

It doesn’t matter if you use a page-a-day Kama Sutra calendar.

All that attraction is going to be blocked by negative emotions, baggage, and the history of everything that happened before, during and after your breakup.

Your exe’s underlying attraction for you is not going to get through to them right now.

Your ex is just going to say things like, “I just don’t feel attracted to you anymore.” “I love you but I’m not in love with you.”

Instead of re-attracting your ex, what you have to do is remove their negative emotions toward you. Then the attraction that’s already there will follow its natural course and bring the two of you together naturally, which is what attraction does on its own anyway.

So, don’t worry about attracting your ex or the friend zone for the same reason. Your ex has not put you in the friend zone, your ex still thinks of you as an attractive person. It’s just that they don’t feel attraction because it’s blocked with history and negative feelings. That’s why the friend zone is not something you need to worry about.

Yes, the friend zone does exist, but that’s really more for people who have never been in a relationship with one another. The real friend zone is meeting someone, asking them on a date and they aren’t attracted to you so they just see you as a friend.

If you were in a relationship with somebody who found you attractive, then you don’t need to worry about that person putting you in the friend zone.

If you think about one of your old previous relationships from a long time ago, you can probably imagine that person or maybe you’ll look at a photo of that person, or something and say, “That was definitely an attractive person but I don’t want to be in a relationship with them because they cheated on me” or, “lied to me” or, “we fought all the time” or “we wanted different things in life.”

It’s because of the history and the baggage between the two of you. When you clear that out, then you can absolutely get back together with your ex and you don’t need to worry about re-attracting them.

4. Whether your ex is in a rebound relationship.

The fourth thing that people think that they need to worry about when it comes to getting back together with their ex is whether or not their ex is in a rebound relationship.

You don’t need to worry about your exe’s rebound relationship because you want to focus on what actually matters when it comes to getting back together with your ex, which is having a high-quality emotional connection with them.

I talk about rebound relationships more in a different article, but there’s a certain psychological phenomenon called “The Decoy Effect” that you can use to cause your ex’s attention to be shifted from a rebound relationship to you.

If you are able to develop a high-quality emotional connection between you and your ex that clears out the negative emotions, history and baggage, it will allow the two of you to connect on a significantly deeper level than their rebound relationship.

When you use “The Decoy Effect” to your advantage, your ex compares the new version of you who they have an amazing emotional connection that causes hours to melt away like nothing, with the old version of you who they broke up with and were probably frustrated and angry with.

It’s pretty clear which of these is the winner, right?

The new version of you, the one that they can connect with.

Their attention is naturally pulled away from the rebound or anyone else they might be dating or in a relationship with and they laser focus on you.

So, don’t worry about whether or not your ex is in a rebound relationship. If the quality of the connection is there and it’s strong enough, their attention will naturally gravitate towards you.

5. Your chances of getting back together.

The fifth and final thing that you do not need to worry about when it comes to getting back together with your ex is the odds, chance, luck and fate.

People often ask me, “what are the chances of me getting back together with my ex if… the following things have happened?”

It doesn’t matter what happened or what the odds of getting back together are because the single biggest factor in getting back together is you and what you decide to do moving forward from here.

To be completely blunt, if you’re half-hearted, wishy-washy, and you’re going to give up at the first sign of trouble or a setback, then your odds of getting back together are pretty damn low.

But, if you are committed to the process then you’ll be able to pull forward through setbacks, speed bumps, and obstacles and you are much, much, much more likely to get back together with your ex.

So, those are five things that people think are major when it comes to getting back together with your ex that don’t matter.

There’s only one thing that really matters when it comes to getting back together with your ex and that is the quality of the emotional connection between the two of you.

You can ignore who’s initiating texts and communication, rebound relationships, the friend zone, re-attracting your ex and the odds of getting back together if you are able to bond with them on a deep level and create a high-quality emotional connection.

You can get back together if you are able to have substantially meaningful and significant conversations where you could be in the loudest bar or club in town and you are so connected and in your own world that it actually feels like you’re in a bubble.

You know, the kind of connection when everything else seems to fade away and the two of you are the only people in the room. I’ve had this experience and you can have this kind of deep meaningful emotional connection with your ex but you have to learn how to do it.

Most people have to learn how to connect with their ex like this because it’s not automatic for them.

To learn how to create this kind of amazing emotional connection with your ex that will bring them back to you, go ahead and visit my website now.

Fill out the quick quiz about about what’s going on between you and your ex and the kind of relationship you want with them.

Once you’re finished, I’ll send your free report, 5 Unconscious Signs Your Ex Still Wants You (Hint: C.A.P.E.T.) and personalized advice and strategies to help you get back together with your ex.

Click here to get started now.

Clay Andrews

About Clay Andrews

Clay Andrews and Mika Terao bring their client’s relationships back from the brink.

Get their free report, 5 Unconscious Signs Your Ex Still Wants You (Hint: C.A.P.E.T.).

If you are an action-taker who wants to get your ex back, Clay and Mika will show you everything you need to know to have a deeper and more profound connection with your ex, so that you both can have a second shot at lasting love (even if your situation feels hopeless). Find out more here now.

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