This is Clay Andrews, the world’s leading breakup expert for high achievers. Today, I’m going to explain how to get your ex back when she is dating someone else.
The first thing you need to know is when your ex is dating somebody else and you want to get her back, you definitely do not want to attack the other person— your ex’s rebound.
This is for a couple different reasons. Mostly, because it’s just going to paint you in a bad light, right? When you bad-mouth her new boyfriend, it makes you look like a petty person and it’s not going to help you in the long run.
And when you understand some of the psychological effects that I’m going to discuss, you’ll understand that you really don’t have to worry about the other person.
Your exe’s rebound relationship is usually a problem that takes care of itself. It’s a little counterintuitive but, first things first— you do not need to attack, destroy, set lasers on or vaporize this other person that she is dating or in a relationship with.
The second thing and most important thing for you to do right now to get her back is to focus solely and exclusively on the connection between you and her.
That is all you have to do. All you have to do is focus on having a good, positive series of interactions between you and your ex girlfriend. Eventually everything else will just take care of itself.
Again, don’t attack your exe’s rebound relationship, just focus solely on the quality of the connection between you and her.
That is the most important thing that you can do to the exclusion of everything else. It doesn’t matter if you learned some kind of magic text message or anything like that.
As long as you are having good, positive interactions where the two of you are building a positive emotional connection, then that is when things are going to start moving in the right direction.
So, why is this? Why don’t you have to go out of your way to club the other guy over the head with a baseball bat? What is going on?
I’m going to talk about the decoy effect, based on a book written by Dan Ariely, called Predictably Irrational.
Dan Ariely proved that people have a very difficult time discerning between two very different things. This relates to whether your ex is going to choose you and the person they’re in a rebound relationship with. So who is your ex going to choose?
It’s really hard to tell because of the two of you– you and her rebound guy, are probably very different people, right? It’s hard for your ex to decide, “Is this person better or is my ex better?”
This is assuming you and your ex’s rebound aren’t identical twins or something— in which case get in touch with me. That would be an interesting thing to learn about.
Anyway, your ex is going to have a very difficult time discerning between which one of you is better just because you are very different people.
So, what you’re going to do is leverage what Dan Ariely refers to as “the decoy effect” in order to get your ex to choose to be with you.
The decoy effect works by creating a third option.
So there’s your ex’s rebound, there’s the you who your ex broke up with and then there’s a third option which is going to be a new and improved version of you who has worked on advanced relational skills that we talk about in the newsletter and the other content about getting your ex back.
To do this, you have to work on your Advanced Relational Skills and connect with your ex in a better way.
That’s where that whole part comes in about focusing on the quality of the connection between you and your ex. That’s because that is the most important thing that you can possibly focus on because that’s– could– just going to highlight the difference between the you that she broke up with and the you that you currently are displaying to her, right?
The connection is the most important this you could possibly focus on and it will highlight the difference between the you that she broke up with and the new and improved you who you are currently displaying to her.
In Dan Ariely’s research, he showed that it is very difficult for the human mind (or your ex-girlfriends mind)– to differentiate between their rebound and you since you are very different.
But if you give a person a third option—this new you who is easy to interact and bond with, it’s much easier for your ex to choose between the you that they broke up with versus the you that they’re currently seeing.
It’s obvious that she is going to choose the new version of you as better than the version of you that she broke up with.
What’s interesting is that Dan Ariely also discovered that because human beings can really only compare things that are similar, they will often choose the better version of two similar things at the exclusion of a third thing.
This means your ex is unlikely to choose to be with their rebound if you can display that you are better than the old version of you who she broke up with. That’s the core strategy here.
Again, you do not need to actively work at breaking up your ex’s rebound relationship or destroying the other guy. All that matters is that you have a better quality of connection and interactions between you and her so that you can overshadow the old version of you.
And, because of the decoy effect, she is much more likely to choose to be with you as opposed to the rebound guy.
To close this up, I just want to leave you with a little thing to think about. A lot of the time, guys whose ex-girlfriend is going into a rebound relationship or something they often think, “I can’t try and get her back. I have to respect her new relationship, back off and let her have this new guy. It’s the right and honorable thing to bow out and let her have this new relationship.”
That is not necessarily true at all.
If you truly believe that you and your ex girlfriend are better off together, then you actually owe it to her to try to get back together with her and give her that option of having a great relationship with you that you envision in the future which includes all the wonderful things you would be doing together.
However, if you don’t believe that you would be able to give her a good experience, connection and life together because you just aren’t a great person to be around and have no aspirations on changing that, then maybe it is worth it to bow out.
If you’re going to put in the work to change the dynamic behind how the two of you relate then it is not wrong for you to try to get back together with her.
Just as a recap, do not worry about the other relationship. It will take care of itself.
Focus solely on the quality of the connection between you and her and the decoy effect that we talked about will kind of take care of all the extra stuff for her.
The most important thing that you can do is focus on learning Advanced Relational Skills and putting them into practice with her.
If you want, I’ll show you exactly how to start working on your Advanced Relational Skills so that you can leverage the decoy effect to your advantage and get back together with her.
Next, I’ll send your free report, 5 Unconscious Signs Your Ex Still Wants You (Hint: C.A.P.E.T.) as well as customized advice, tips and strategies for exactly how you can start to get back together with your ex girlfriend even if she is in a rebound relationship.
Don’t miss out on the short window you have right now to get her back. Click here now to get started.