Hey ladies, it’s your favorite dating coach here. I’m Amy North and dating advice is what I do.
Let’s dive straight into today’s topic which is, drum roll please, online dating. More specifically, I’m going to talk about how to find great guys on internet dating sites like Match.com, eHarmony, etc.
Now I can hear some of you ladies groaning already so let me address you skeptics out there right now. There really are awesome guys on dating websites. Lots of them.
The key is to weed out all the weirdoes and fake profiles and hone in on the ones that are actually worth your time. Even if you have tried online dating in the past and it was a complete disaster, I encourage you to give it another try.
Except this time, use all the tips and suggestions I’m about to talk about today.
Before I get into some of these little-known online dating tips for women, let’s first quickly review the four main advantages of online dating.
Find and Meet More Guys
Offline you can meet guys at the bar, through mutual friends, at work, through a random encounter at the grocery store, the gym, etc. But, what if your Mr. Perfect lives on the other side of town, doesn’t ever visit your gym or your favorite pub, and doesn’t have any friends in common?
By going online you are able to access a whole lot more guys and you wouldn’t otherwise be able to meet or interact with.
Target Your Search
I’ve worked with some coaching clients who are only interested in dating men who share their religious beliefs, for example.
Dating websites let you narrow your search to like-minded guys so you can join a site for Christians for instance, and then you’ll know before you even meet a guy that he’s going to meet that criteria.
There are weird niche dating sites out there too. Farmers Only for instance, is a site for single farmers or Gluten Free Singles if you’re looking to date someone with celiac disease. There’s weirder ones too but I’ll leave those one’s for you to find on your own.
You Don’t Have To Try So Hard
No need to get dolled up and hit the club to meet guys if you’re using a dating site.
Once you create a good profile you can sit back and wait for men to message you. Now, that’s not always the best way to meet guys online but it’s definitely possible because there are way more men on dating websites then there are women.
You Can Stop Wasting Your Time
You know what sucks? Showing up for a blind date that your friends have setup only to discover that your date looks like a shabby, balding troll with a personality to match.
With online dating you can at least chat with a guy and learn a bit about him before you agree to meet him in person which reduces that chance of a tragic first date.
Those are four of the biggest advantages of online dating but there are also a few drawbacks.
Most importantly, personal safety.
Much like the offline world there are some creepy dudes with bad intentions on dating sites. You need to be careful not to disclose too many personal details and be cautious when you first meet in person. Follow basic safety stuff and then you’ll be fine.
The second drawback to online dating is actually the same as one of the advantages I just talked about. You’ve got your choice of thousands of men online. That’s a good thing, but it’s also a bad thing if it leads you to being way too picky.
Resist the temptation to delete messages from men who don’t exactly match your idea of the perfect guy. Scientists call this the tyranny of choice, but I personally think it’s generally a good problem to have.
How To Maximize Your Chances Of Meeting Your Soul Mate Online
If you’re at all serious about using dating sites to meet guys, then I strongly encourage you to use these best practices.
1. Choose a website wisely.
As I mentioned, there are hundreds of dating sites out there and some are better than others.
Unless you’re only interested in dating farmers, guys who don’t eat gluten, Catholics, etc., then I suggest you sign up for a couple of the biggest, well-known dating sites such of Match.com, eHarmony and Plenty of Fish.
Those sites usually have tons of male members who live in your area.
Those matchmaking algorithms that some dating websites advertise are generally pretty useless but they do have one advantage; they weed out the creeps who are just looking to get laid because most of those losers are too lazy to spend an hour filling out questionnaires.
Similarly, if you’re looking for a long-term relationship and not just someone to hook up with, then choose a paid dating website rather than one of the free ones because anyone who is willing to pay for a subscription is going to be a lot more serious about finding love online.
2. Build a great online dating profile.
Writing a good online dating profile isn’t as hard as you might imagine.
First, choose the right photo. That means choosing a picture that is flattering but not obviously unrealistic or provocative.
If you’re looking for a husband here ladies, then your profile pic should not be 90% cleavage.
It’s also never a bad idea to upload one or two photos of you with other good looking guys; friends, exes, etc.
This subtly conveys the message that you’re desirable and wanted by men and subconsciously makes you more attractive in the eyes of any guys looking at your profile.
For your actual profile itself, don’t over think things.
It’s OK to leave out certain details that aren’t so flattering or to be a bit vague especially when it comes to personal details.
Don’t outright lie in your profile write-up, all that does is lead to awkward, disappointing first dates.
Keep it brief, highlight a few of your more attractive qualities without bragging and try to mix in a joke or amusing anecdote. Write properly too.
I’ve had several of my coaching clients complain about their lack of online dating success only to discover their dating profile looks like it was written by a five year old.
Instead of making that mistake just use proper spelling and real sentences, ok?
3. Don’t automatically delete your new, random messages.
Yes, I know it can be overwhelming to have 25 new messages arrive each day, especially if most of them are absolute garbage.
Scan your inbox for messages that look even remotely like a possibility.
Read the message and view the guys profile before you trash it. If you would be a great catch for any man, and I’m sure you would be, then you’re bound to receive messages from normal quality men every now and then.
4. Put in some effort.
I know I said that online dating takes almost no effort on your part but that’s not the best way to use dating websites.
In fact, you’ll have even more success if you browse through profiles and reach out to guys that spark your interest. Don’t forget that online dating is totally different for guys, so unless a guy looks like Ryan Reynolds, his inbox is going to be empty.
By taking the initiative and reaching out to all the guys who meet your criteria, you are almost guaranteed to get responses from most of the guys you contact.
Don’t be picky when it comes to who you contact, especially at first. That said, do be careful anytime you see a profile that looks too good to be true. I hate to break it to you ladies, but it’s unlikely that someone with a fitness magazine physique, claiming to be a brain surgeon and a philanthropist is really who he says he is.
Don’t bother with any guys whose profiles look fishy or too perfect.
5. Exchange a few messages before agreeing to meet in person.
Don’t have a six month pen-pal relationship with a guy before your first date because research has shown that too much talking before meeting a man is actually a bad thing.
However, you do want to get some basic info about the guy. Can he read and write like an adult? Does he have a job? A sense of humor? Is he looking for a casual fling or a serious relationship? After you get a sense of the basic stuff, if you’re still interested, call and ask him to meet for coffee. The sooner you meet him in person, the sooner you’ll be able to decide if he’s a waste of time or worthy of another date.
6. Be smart when planning the first in person meeting.
First of all, always insist on having your first date with a guy you meet online in a public setting.
Meet for a coffee at Starbucks, a bar after work, go bowling, etc. This is a no-brainer for your own safety.
Secondly, you want to make sure that you have an easy, believable escape plan in case the date is a disaster.
Meeting for coffee for instance, doesn’t require you to commit to spending a couple of hours with the guy like going to a movie would. If things are going well you can turn a coffee date into a dinner date but you can also bail after 20 minutes and it won’t be weird.
Another excellent way to do this is to ask a friend to call you 10 or 15 minutes into the date so if you need a way out you can pretend it’s your boss on the phone and say that as an excuse to bail early. Or if things are going well, you can just completely ignore the call.
Now, to be perfectly honest, a lot of women can get to this point on their own.
Much of the stuff I’ve just talked about is hardly rocket science but when it comes to a second date or turning a casual fling into a real relationship, that’s where things go sour for a ton of women.
Even really beautiful, successful women often struggle to get men to commit or keep guys from losing interest.
Please visit my website and watch my full how-to video that offers a ton of additional advice on how to understand and talk to men. I share a few sneaky tips for making sure you keep your man interested and avoid unknowingly doing something to push him away.
Alright, that’s a wrap. I’ll see you next time.