Today we are going to discuss getting over your ex and how to get over a breakup.
This is a little bit different than some of the topics that I’ve talked about in the past such as getting back together with your ex.
When it comes to actually getting over your ex, there are some different things that you need to keep in mind. However, there are some things that are fairly similar and will seem the same from one side of the spectrum to the other.
Today we’re going to talk about cutting contact with your ex.
If you are trying to get over a breakup, then one of the best things that you can do is to cut contact with your ex.
It is no surprise that staying in contact with your ex or trying to stay friends is going to continue to agitate the emotional wound that you have from the breakup.
Every time you see your ex, your heart is going to kind of jump out of your chest a little bit. Every time you hear some sort of news about your ex— maybe they’re dating somebody new, spreading some sort of gossip about you or flirting with somebody else, it can agitate the emotional wound that you’re still carrying from that breakup.
Staying in touch reopens that wound over and over again making healing your broken heart a whole lot harder and stretching it out for a whole lot longer.
There is a misconception that time heals all wounds and it’s not really true.
Time does not heal all wounds.
Actually, I’ve known a lot of people who have tried to get over their breakup who have thought that time would just heal all their wounds.
However, just thinking that over time they would feel better did not really work so well.
One of them was actually a close friend of mine. Before I started to get into this whole world of helping people with relationships, he went through a breakup with his girlfriend who moved across the country to go to college.
He was heartbroken for a really long time and ended up still being hung up on his ex even after an entire year had passed.
Clearly, using time to get over his breakup wasn’t working so well for him.
One day another relationship coach and I were trading horror stories. He told me that he had worked with somebody who was still hung up on their ex and unable to get over the breakup 30 years later.
So, time alone is not going to be enough to get over your breakup.
What you need to do to get over your breakup is to focus on a specific plan for healing.
One of the things that will create a good context for that to happen is to cut contact with your ex because you will accelerate your healing from the breakup.
Just cutting contact with your ex is probably not going to be enough to completely heal from your breakup but it is a great starting point.
This act of cutting contact with your ex after your breakup is what people refer to as the no contact rule.
And yes, there are different types of the no contact rule.
There is passive no contact and active no contact.
There’s no contact to make your ex jealous.
There’s no contact to heal from the breakup.
There’s no contact to make your ex miss you and crawl back over a broken glass to try to reach out to you.
There’s no contact to help you build the quality skills that you need to be able to form meaningful connections with other people, there’s all kinds of no contact.
But, simply cutting contact with your ex is an excellent place to start to create the opportunity for you to heal from your breakup.
To be very clear, no contact means:
- No calling your ex.
- No texting your ex.
- No emailing your ex.
- No writing letters to your ex.
- No telling your friends to tell friends of friends to spread any sort of a chain message through the grapevine to your ex.
- And.. NO stalking your ex on Facebook (or social media).
The last one– not stalking your ex on social media is very important.
A lot of people don’t contact their ex in any other way, except they stalk their ex on Facebook, while wondering things like:
“What does it mean if my ex liked this post but didn’t like that post?”
“What do they mean when they posted this photo of them online and there’s like an arm around their shoulder but the rest of the body of that person was cropped up?”
“Whose body is that?”
“Who is putting their arm around my ex?”
Please do not resort to Facebook stalking your ex. You’ll save yourself so much heartache.
Completely cut contact with your ex and take everything that you have in your home that reminds you of your ex and put in a box and either get rid of it or put it in a place where you won’t see it for a very long time. Or if it’s actually your ex’s belongings, then return them.
Please do whatever you can to remove any visual traces of your ex from your life for the time being.
In the future, once that emotional wound has been healed, you absolutely can get back in contact with your ex. You can take your box out of the storage, open it up and look at all your old mementos and everything inside.
For now, while you are healing, it is very critical that you give yourself the advantage of really having the fastest possible healing you can have by completely cutting contact with your ex.
This gives you a good fighting chance to really start to move forward. If you want to get over your breakup, cutting contact with your ex is absolutely one of the best things that you can do now.
To learn more about how to get over your breakup and how to heal from your ex, here’s what I’d like you to do:
Head on over to my website here and fill out the quick quiz which should only take about 30 seconds.
Next, I’ll send you free tips, advice, and strategies to help you to get over your breakup and start to feel more like your old self again so you can start building a life that you can be truly happy and satisfied with.