How To Apologize To Your Ex And Actually Earn Their Forgiveness


This is another piece in my series on very common things that people experience in the process of getting back together with their ex and how you can overcome these sorts of things.

Specifically, we’re going to talk about how to apologize to your ex or how to get your ex to forgive you.

Before I get into all of this, let’s get some background experience about what you might be experiencing when it comes to apologizing with your ex.

Oftentimes, if you have gone through a breakup, you might have already tried apologizing to your ex.

You already may have tried promising that things are going to be different but maybe they’re not taking it.

Maybe your ex says:

“I can’t believe you.”

“I wish you would have said that a month ago, two months ago, three months ago, a year ago” (or whatever).

Your ex is behaving with consistency towards their previous actions, right?

They already went through the process of breaking up with you.

They have already mentally made their decision and convinced themselves that they are better off without you than they are with you.

So if you simply apologize to your ex and say:

“Hey, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, let’s give this another shot.”

“Hey, take me back, please.”

They are going to be skeptical and resistant to you.

Oftentimes, when people make this kind of apology to their ex, they don’t necessarily know what exactly they’re apologizing for.

Even if they do know what they’re apologizing for, they’re usually not saying it in a way where their ex is actually going to believe it, soak it in, accept it and be able to move forward past whatever may have warranted the apology.

Before I get into how to apologize to your ex, let’s just talk about if you even need to apologize.

Often, when I work with people, they are looking for something to do to get back together with their ex.

They’re looking for something that they can say, something that they can send their ex, something they can text or anything that’s going to get things moving.

…And they will often take some of our advice when it comes to apologizing to their ex and use it because they think, “Well,  I’m not back together with my ex, so I might as well apologize.”

I’m here to tell you today that you may not need to apologize to your ex if you genuinely don’t think that you did anything wrong.

If you genuinely don’t think that you did anything wrong then there is no need to apologize to your ex.

First, you don’t know what you’re apologizing for.

Second, even if you did apologize for something, it wouldn’t come across as very authentic.

Your apology would across as hollow, forced, and like you are going through the motions while hoping to iron over this disagreement that the two of you are having so that you can get back to the status quo, right?

That is not going to convince your ex to want to work together with you to put the past behind you so you can have a new beginning together.

With that being said, how do you apologize to your ex?

How do you get your ex to forgive you?

You have to connect to your actions that upset your ex and caused them to feel a lot of hurt and pain.

Then you must connect those actions with how it impacted them and how it made them feel.

You have to really own your part in what happened and imagine what your impact on them may have been.

This is where empathizing and my advanced relational skills come into play.

You have to project onto your ex what you think their negative experience might have been and reflect that understanding back to them.

If you can empathize with your ex in a way that allows them to understand that you realize you had an impact on them that you regret, did not want, and would not have done all over again— that will help them let go of the pain, hurt and bad feelings that they’re holding against you and suffering with right now.

This will allow your ex to start to put the pain that caused them to break up with you behind them.

First of all, you really have to apologize to your ex if something that you did genuinely hurt them.

Otherwise, no amount of advanced relational skills and no amount of trying to coerce them will make them take you back.

No amount of trying to connect with your ex on an emotional level is going to work because they’re still going to hold on to the pain, hurt,  frustration, baggage, and history from what happened between you before.

You have to acknowledge that you hurt them and acknowledge that you had an impact on them that was maybe less than desirable.

That is how to get your ex to forgive you and how to apologize to your ex.

Want to find out how to reconnect with your ex and make things even better between you than ever before?

Head on over to my website here and fill out this simple, free 30-second quiz about your circumstances.

Next, I will send your free report, 5 Unconscious Signs Your Ex Still Wants You (Hint: C.A.P.E.T.) and customized tips, advice, and strategies specifically tailored to your situation.

Click here to get started right now.

Clay Andrews

About Clay Andrews

Clay Andrews and Mika Terao bring their client’s relationships back from the brink.

Get their free report, 5 Unconscious Signs Your Ex Still Wants You (Hint: C.A.P.E.T.).

If you are an action-taker who wants to get your ex back, Clay and Mika will show you everything you need to know to have a deeper and more profound connection with your ex, so that you both can have a second shot at lasting love (even if your situation feels hopeless). Find out more here now.

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