4 Vital Things You Need To Understand If You Want To Succeed At Getting Your Ex Back

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Today I’m going to share four things you need to know about getting back together with your ex. Let’s get started.

1. Getting back together with your ex requires time and patience.

A lot of people have this idea and belief that getting back together with your ex is just going to be a matter of sending some text message or finding the right way to apologize.

It’s all going to be done by sundown tomorrow, and the two of you will be completely back together and back in love, right?

But I have to break it to you.

I’ve been helping people with breakups since 2009 and it’s never a quick fix.

Never.

You have to understand that if you want to get back together with your ex, it’s going to take some time.

The reason why getting back together takes time is because your relationship deteriorated over time.

It got to the point that led to a breakup over time.

Even if the breakup came out of the blue, up to that breakup there was something that was rotting away. In order to build your relationship back up again you have to improve those positive emotions and build those up over time.

It’s not going to take forever to get back together but you have to understand it’s going to take more than a couple of days or something like that.

Especially if your ex is going to really trust those positive feelings to be there in the long run so that the two of you can have a great and successful relationship, it’s going to take some time.

You have to be OK with that emotionally.

2. You must be willing to meet your ex where they currently are emotionally.

Many people just want things to be happy. They want things to be great and cheery and wonderful and all that. But if your ex is in a bad mood, you have to meet them where they’re at.

You have to meet them in that bad mood and then move things up, together.

You can’t just come at them way happy and be like, “Hey, how come there’s like this big disconnect between us?” You have to meet them where they’re at and then move them to your level, together.

You have to be willing to meet your ex where they’re at emotionally.

This includes admitting the fact that there’s probably some emotional resistance on their part towards interacting with you, talking with you, getting together with you, meeting up with you in any capacity, spending time with you, and towards talking about the relationship.

If you can understand this and pace yourself to where their emotional state is at, then you’re going to do yourself a whole lot more favors in the long run. So please understand where your ex is at emotionally and be ready to go there so you can move things together.

3. You have to give them a good reason to get back together.

The third thing you need to understand about getting back together with your ex is that you have to give them a good reason to come back to you.

You have to demonstrate and show them that they’re not walking right back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place.

Nobody wants to turn around and walk right back into a relationship that had problems, arguments and/or a lack of trust and communication.

You have to demonstrate to your ex that things are going to be different.

Now, notice I said to demonstrate and show.

I did not say tell, promise, beg or resolve that things are going to be different.

I said you want to demonstrate this because anybody can say, “things are going to be different,” or “we’re going to communicate better.”

If you can demonstrate by actually making things different and communicating differently right now, then that’s going to show them and get them to trust that things are actually going to be different.

It’s going to give them a damn good reason to want to get back together with you and walk back into that relationship.

You want to focus on the process and not the outcome of getting back together.

Often, people will focus on the outcome of getting back together.

They think, one day we’ll have the “get back together” talk. It’s going to happen on a nice, warm summer day. There’s going to be a gentle breeze flowing. I’m going to brush her hair gently across her forehead and then I’m going to say, “Baby, why don’t we get back together?”

She’s going to bashfully look up at me, giggle a little bit and say, “I thought you’d never ask” and we’ll kiss under the sunset or whatever kind of weird fantasy you might have.

I see your fantasies. I can see your thoughts.

Instead, you have to understand that you can’t focus on that outcome because when you focus on that outcome, you’re going to try to leapfrog past what’s actually going to get you to that outcome.

You’ll try to take shortcuts to bypass all of the important hard work that you need to do to get to that outcome.

That’s where the process comes in.

Process is the vehicle that takes you to the outcome. The more you focus on the process of connecting, bonding, having good experiences, positive interactions, talking and being vulnerable with your ex the more likely you’ll be to actually get back together.

Enjoy the process of actually connecting with your ex and the moments that you’re sharing together. Enjoy getting to know them again, learning more about them, talking to them again and experiencing new things with them.

You really can enjoy this process. It doesn’t have to be this desperate struggle to get to this finish line where finally you can update your Facebook status to being “in a relationship” again. It’s not about the finish line. It’s not about being back together in a relationship. It’s not about any of these other married badges of achievement or anything like that. It’s about enjoying the process of getting to know your ex again.

This leads us the final most important thing when it comes to getting back together with your ex—absolutely, above all else— like who’s responding to text messages, above who’s initiating text message conversations. Above Facebook likes and Facebook statuses. Above rebound relationships, above long distance, above anything else, above everything else.

4. The most important thing for you to focus on is the quality of the emotional connection that you are having with your ex.

Facebook doesn’t matter. Text messages don’t matter. Rebound relationships don’t matter. Who’s initiating contact doesn’t matter. How long it’s been, doesn’t matter.

None of these things matter more than the quality of the emotional connection that you are having with your ex. Don’t overthink this. All you have to do is focus on having a high-quality emotional connection and you can get back together with your ex.

To learn more about how you can get back together with your ex, please head on over to my website and fill out the quick quiz. I’ll send your free report, 5 Signs Your Ex Still Unconsciously Wants You (Hint: C.A.P.E.T.) and customized advice, tips, and strategies to help the two of you fall back in love with each other again.

But you can enjoy the process of getting back together. It can be fun, pleasurable and wonderful if you stop clinging to that outcome and start to enjoy the process of learning and rediscovering who your ex is.

Click now here to get started.

Clay Andrews

About Clay Andrews

Clay Andrews and Mika Terao bring their client’s relationships back from the brink.

Get their free report, 5 Unconscious Signs Your Ex Still Wants You (Hint: C.A.P.E.T.).

If you are an action-taker who wants to get your ex back, Clay and Mika will show you everything you need to know to have a deeper and more profound connection with your ex, so that you both can have a second shot at lasting love (even if your situation feels hopeless). Find out more here now.

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