I’ve got to tell you, words can hurt.
Whoever started the quote “Sticks and stones will break your bones but names can never hurt you” was lying.
Sure, perhaps it was a great throwback in the school yard when you were feeling bullied. But in real life, no matter how stoic and you might be, words can cut like a knife.
Has a man ever said something to you that stopped you dead in your tracks or instantly got your heart racing and blood pumping and not in a sexy way?
Without knowing it, has a man ever said something that hurt your feelings?
And once said, the words and their damage were impossible to take back.
Well, men can also experience this with women. If you’re anything like me, an open, honest and playful soul, then there’s probably come a time when you said something that made a man either question himself or question his relationship with you.
Of course, you don’t want to walk on eggshells with anyone.
It’s important to be in a real and transparent relationship and yet it’s equally important to be mindful of some of the key things you might say to a man you really like or love that can cause him to feel inadequate, inferior or simply confused.
…And, confusion often creates indifference. It normally causes people to pull away to protect themselves and work out their feelings.
Don’t get me wrong, cheeky and flirty banter is important.
Men love playful, fun and open women. But sometimes when we’re playing, we can say things in jest that can be a dig or a put down in some way which creates doubt and a murky energy, not true levity and connection.
The six things not to say to a man that I’m about to share you might not at first glance seem unpleasant to you, yet they can be like daggers to his heart and I’m not exaggerating.
So, let’s get into it. Here are the six things you should never say to a man you like or love.
1. “Why can’t you be more like _______?”
Why is it best never to say this to him?
Because it sounds like you’re unhappy with your man.
You might want to say it as a joke but there’s a grain of truth in it and the only thing he will hear is that he’s not good enough and he’s not meeting your expectations for what you want.
Just think for a second how you’d feel if he told you, “why can’t you be more like that girl he used to know,” or even worse, his mother.
I know sometimes these things just slip out of our mouths without even thinking but words like this can be really, really hurtful.
Men hate to be compared to others unless the comparison is in their favor.
Your man wants to feel that you’ve chosen him because you like him as he is not for who you want him to be.
2. “You’re taking me out to dinner.”
Why it’s best to never say this?
Because it’s an order, simple as that.
Now, what’s wrong with giving orders?
Don’t men love to be ordered around by strong confident women?
The short answer is no.
Being confident means knowing who you are, knowing what you want and how to make it happen. Confidence is not domination.
It’s true that men do like confident women.
What they hate is domineering women unless they have a problem with their own self-esteem but that’s a different topic entirely.
So, while it’s OK to be the one initiating plans for dinner or anything else, don’t make it sound like an order.
Make it sound like a delightful proposal.
He’ll accept it without feeling uncomfortable about you pressuring him. You’re dating, not playing battle of the wills.
And… if your man never takes you out to dinner or you don’t go out on dates and the romance is dead, ordering him around is not likely to work anyway.
A non-judgmental and open hearted discussion about what you value in a relationship and what you’re both willing to invest and commit to would be a better way to go about it.
3. “My ex was…”
Why it’s better never to say this?
Well, it’s kind of obvious, but the only thing men hate more than being compared to someone you know is being compared to that special someone you used to be with before you met him.
The topic of exes is usually uncomfortable one for both partners in a relationship.
Personally, I don’t have a problem with hearing a little bit about exes and I assumed that because I wasn’t bothered about it, then the guy I’m dating wouldn’t be bothered either but most people are not like this.
Over time, I learned to avoid bringing up an ex for the sake of a funny story or for any other reason.
The bottom line is yes, you have exes. They existed. That’s enough. Now, they’re in the past and it’s you two that matter. Yet, there’s one exception here. But I wouldn’t really advice going with it. If you compare your new man to your ex to tell them how much better he is than that ex, well, it might work. But be careful, even this will remind him that he’s not your first and most men don’t like that. I know it’s kind of silly but there you have it.
By the way, I have a fabulous free gift for you today that you can access in the description below. Word Poison: 16 Words and Phrases that can ruin a relationship. When you read this free gift, you’ll realize how these 16 phrases are so critical.
4. “Do I look fat?”
Why is it best never to say this to a man?
This is a nightmare question that turns men into balls of nerves beneath their solid poker face exterior.
This kind of question is petrifying to a man because there is only one right answer and no right answer to this question.
…And deep inside each and every one of us knows it.
But why do so many women keep asking this?
Is it because of needing reassurance? Yes, it would seem.
But… would you believe him when he says that you do not look fat at all even if he means every word?
Chances are you won’t.
And… what if ways yes just to be cheeky and to mock you and the question.
I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you what happens after this.
So spare him and yourself. Don’t ask if you look fat. He doesn’t care about your weight nearly as much as you do… OR your tan, make-up or clothes.
He loves you exactly as you are.
Very few men give a hoot about your appearance the same way you do.
So start accepting and loving your booty, your hips, your breasts and tantalize him with your confidence.
If you’re out of shape and want to change this, then do it for you. It’s all about self-love and self-honor. And only you can know what you value for you.
5. “You can’t do this or don’t do that.”
Why it’s best to never say this?
Hearing this can feel like a slap in the face, a kick to the ego and a knock to his masculinity.
While you don’t want to pound it to his ego, you also don’t want to emasculate him or treat him like a child without a mind of his own. If you want him to feel good being around you and unless his life is in real danger, don’t tell him there’s something he can’t do.
Men are not fools. They know they can’t do everything. They just don’t like to hear this from their fair ladies.
Your man wants you to see him as strong, capable of solving every problem and never needing help from anyone.
If you suggest that he’s none of these things by telling him he can’t change a tire or he doesn’t know the first thing about bond investing or he’s not cutting tomatoes how you like them to be cut and that your way is better— this makes him feel wrong and useless.
And… this shuts down anyone, namely, your man.
6. “It’s nothing.”
Why it’s best never to say this?
Because it’s never nothing.
It’s funny how we try to hide the emotional storms raging inside us behind this poor innocent word. But in reality, it ain’t so funny.
We know we say this because if we start talking, we might say something we believe he doesn’t want to hear about or can’t handle and we’re afraid he’ll run away.
But men want to hear what’s important to you.
Great men, relationship ready men will not run away if what’s bothering you is fair and reasonable.
When your man asks you what’s wrong and hears “nothing” or “I’m fine” that’s when he might start thinking about running away.
He has eyes and can sense something is off without you having to speak.
So, when he asks what’s going on for you, he wants to know what it is so he can help. That’s his very simple train of thought.
So, instead of being passive-aggressive, tell him what’s wrong.
Women often make the mistake of believing the idea:
“If he really loved me, he would just know what I’m thinking. He’ll know what’s wrong.”
Sure, sometimes he will know but often he won’t know what’s exactly eating away at your soul.
All he knows is that he can’t win with you or that he’s in the dog house.
It’s in your interest to be brave, bold and to speak up with confidence, clarity and caring.
No blaming or shaming.
Own your feelings and tell him how you feel.
Humans are really good at misinterpretation and creating stories about their relationship that are often inaccurate so talking about things is far better than holding on to problems or hoping he will read your mind.
Ever been stuck in the heartbreaking cycle of having him be attentive and sweet— when he suddenly loses interest, or worse, disappears completely?
I don’t have to tell you how much it stings when he pulls away.
Instead… want to know how to get the kind of delicious attention and affection that lasts a lifetime?