What Did It Mean When My Ex Said They Can’t Be With Me Because Of Their Career?


Go back to part 2 here.

It says, “Hello, it’s Steve here. I have to ask you your opinion. My girlfriend left me around a month ago and I have not contacted her since. She wants to pursue her artist career and cannot be with me.”

I don’t see any follow up to that, so I’m guessing that’s the complete question.

If I’m just going to kind of intuit infer your question from what you’ve posted here since it wasn’t really a question.

I’m guessing that you want to be in a relationship with your ex, but your ex is not open to that because she says that she wants to pursue her art career and she’s saying something like I don’t have time for a relationship or something along those lines, right?

If that’s the case, then what’s going on is she has some sort of belief about what a relationship with you involves.

Maybe it’s going to be like a lot of time, a lot of commitment. It’s going to be like a big emotional drain or something like that and she doesn’t think that she can really do both the career and to have the relationship at the same time.

If that’s the case, then you say, “OK. How was I bringing myself to interacting with her previously that was causing her to perceive being in a relationship with me as a drain as something that would pull her away from her career aspirations?”

And if you need to correct any sort of behavior that you had, like if you had some sort of needy or clinginess issue or something like that, then that’s definitely something that you need to clean up.

That’s definitely something that once you start to change that and bring yourself to interacting with her, she will be able to see that she’s not walking back into the same situation that she walked out. She’ll be able to say, “Hey, Steve isn’t as needy and clingy as he used to be. Is this something that I can put my trust into?”

Of course, it’ll take a little bit of time to really trust that this is the new you and it’s not a gimmick, it’s not you on your best behavior, it’s not you putting on an act or something like that.

When she trusts you, the whole “being in a relationship” thing will change its context.

Suddenly, being in a relationship with you as a non-needy, non-clingy person is going to be much more easier, much more acceptable to her and she’s going to suddenly feel a lot more spaciousness when it comes to the idea of being in a relationship with you.

And it’s going to be something she’s much more likely to say yes to, assuming the interactions between the two of you feel good and the connection is good and all that stuff that we talk about as well too. But that’s how you navigate around the, “Hey, I don’t have time for a relationship” kind of thing. That’s what I would keep in mind.

Continue to part 4 here.

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Clay Andrews

About Clay Andrews

Clay Andrews and Mika Terao bring their client’s relationships back from the brink.

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