Go back to part 3 here.
Jordan wants to know:
“How to connect with your ex on an emotional level if you don’t both talk and she made it clear to leave her alone and being in no-contact after lots of mistakes? What is your advice to make your ex feel heard, so they can open up?”
First of all, sometimes there’s a lot of emotional resistance that your ex is having towards interacting with you because of things that happened in the past or mistakes that you made or things that you did before you found your bearings.
It’s like, “Oh, OK. Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have texted my ex 10 times a day. I probably shouldn’t be needy and clingy and beg and apologize a million times and all that stuff.”
If you made a lot of mistakes with your ex, then the first thing you need to do is you need to clear away that emotional resistance.
The best way to clear away your exe’s emotional resistance is to speak to where your ex is at on an emotional level.
What is the quality of that emotional resistance?
Is it frustration? Is it, “hey, you’re not hearing needs?” Is it “you really don’t get how you impacted me?” Is it something like that?
You have to put yourself into her shoes and see the world from her eyes so that you can be impacted by and understand the effect that your presence was having on her.
As you start to see the world from her eyes and see your actions and your behavior, you can suddenly think:
“Oh, I get it! She never felt like I heard her. What she really wanted was for someone to say, ‘hey, I’m really sorry that whatever happened, that’s not what I meant.”
If you can start to do that and connect to where she’s at on an emotional level, she’ll start to feel heard and release all of that emotional resistance.
Suddenly, there’s a clearing where suddenly she’ll actually start to be able to be receptive to talking to you and hearing you out.
That’s when you can start to move in there and start to take things down from surface-level communication down to the emotional-level of communication.
But that’s not going to happen if there’s all that emotional resistance there in the first place.
Continue to part 5 here.
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