In this series I’m going to talk more about the five stages of getting over your breakup and maybe getting over your ex.
Just as I’ve talked about before, these are not the same five stages of grief that I’m sure you may have heard people talk about over and over again like denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
These are three specific emotional processes and very specific behaviors that people often experience and go through when it comes to getting over a breakup or moving on from their ex.
Today, we’re going to talk about the first stage of getting over a breakup which is what I call the meltdown stage.
It’s very common to be at the meltdown stage of getting over your breakup when you first learned about the breakup when you and your ex are first having that talk about breaking up or in the first couple of days afterward, right?
You might be very heavily depressed.
You could really have a lot of difficulty just getting out into the world and doing regular things such as going to work or just fulfilling on your regular day-to-day responsibilities.
This first breakup stage can feel almost debilitating.
You might do a lot of cliché things like eat pints of ice cream and stay inside all day because you have experienced the sudden and dramatic loss of a very important relationship. On an emotional level, it can be a very damaging experience.
What’s important to know is that the way to get past the meltdown stage and into the next stage (which I’ll discuss in the future) is by accepting that the breakup is real and has already happened.
Whether or not you and your ex are going to work things out and get back together or you’re eventually going to move on and start a new chapter of your life, that is your choice to make and entirely up to you.
However, in order to be in an emotional place where you’re capable of having a great, wonderful, amazing relationship with somebody new OR your ex, you need to first accept that the breakup is something that happened and can’t be changed.
You know how sometimes you resist the finality of your breakup when you’re pushed against it you say, “What if we didn’t break up?”
Or, maybe for a few brief beautiful moments when you first wake up in the morning you forget that the two of you broke up.
Then, the realization comes rushing back and you think, “Oh no, that’s right, we broke up.”
Suddenly, you start to feel those terrible feelings all over again, right?
If you can emotionally accept that the breakup is something that happened, then you can start to move past this stage and into the next stage of getting over your ex.
When I say accept that the breakup happened, I don’t mean that you roll over and become a doormat and victim to these feelings of sadness and depression.
I’m saying that you must accept and acknowledge that the relationship in it’s current form has ended.
As long as you are pushing against reality and not acknowledging what happened, then you are not going to be empowered to do something about it.
That might mean working things out with your ex or moving your life forward in a powerful new direction where you have the control and ability to create a real, sustainable loving relationship and not an emotionally unavailable rebound relationship with somebody who isn’t sure if they want to commit to you and keeps you in limbo, or a “friends with benefits” situation.
If you want a real, healthy, emotionally available relationship that’s going to last in the long-term, you need to first start by accepting that the breakup is something that actually happened.
Then once you get past that, you can start to move into stages 2, 3, 4, and 5 of getting past your breakup.
But the first stage of getting over a breakup is the meltdown stage and it’s very common to do a lot of things in the meltdown stage that might seem out of character for you.
It might seem as if you’re being compelled or driven to do these things by overpowering emotions such as panic, fear, depression, such as loss, and sadness. You might want to do weird things like call your ex multiple times in a row or act out in other ways.
This is very similarly aligned with the damage control mode behaviors that I talk about in some of my other materials.
Damage control mode is operating from a specific agenda of perhaps trying to save that relationship or perhaps trying to salvage the connection that you had with that particular person.
However, when you are in a meltdown mode, you could also be in damage control mode. But you’re not necessarily working towards saving your relationship.
During the meltdown stage, you’re not necessarily working towards trying to restore your connection with your ex.
Instead, you’re going through the devastating emotional blow of having the relationship that you really valued and treasured taken away from you.
..And, that alone can turn your emotions upside down and cause you all sorts of angst, grief, loss, fear, anxiety and awful, emotional agitation.
To start to make progress moving forward from this point, you must completely accept that the breakup is something that has already happened.
To learn more about how you can start to move forward from your breakup and have a healthy, powerful, strong relationship— whether that’s with the person that you broke up with or whether you want to move on and start to create a more powerful connection with someone new, then here’s what I want you to do:
Head over to my website and fill out the free, quick quiz about your situation here.
Once you do that, I’ll send you customized tips, advice and powerful strategies to help you feel better and get your relationship back on track.