Hi there! It’s Clay. In the past, we have made a lot content on the topic of getting back together with your ex after a breakup.
And, it’s true that getting your ex back that I have a lot of expertise in.
However, I don’t want to risk being pigeonholed as someone that just focuses on, “You must get back together with your ex no matter what!” because that’s absolutely not true.
That’s not what I believe at all.
I’m going to talk about how to move on after a breakup and the difference between when you should try and work things out with your ex, when to move on and when you should not get back together with your ex and instead pick up the pieces of your life and create something great out of that.
Let’s discuss how to know if you should be moving on from your ex and how to know when it’s time to stop trying to work things out.
1. You haven’t made any progress connecting with your ex for months.
The first sign it might be time to give up on getting your ex back is if you’ve been interested in working things out with your ex and holding out hope or keeping the door open for a long time.
Maybe it’s been a while, right? Maybe it’s been a couple months, three months, maybe even as much as six months, somewhere in that range where you just haven’t made any progress towards working things out, right?
Things are just exactly where they were three to six months ago.
As a person who cares about you and wants you to get the love and relationship that you want, it would make me ask, “Hey, is this something that you really want to do?”
Now, I understand sometimes things can take time and progress happens slower than you’d like. But if there’s just no progress in connecting with your ex whatsoever after three to six months, that really makes me want to stop and check in with you and say, “Hey, is this really what you want to do? Is this really where you want to go?”
That’s fine if you do want to keep trying to work things out with your ex but that would just make me stop and ask if this is something you really want.
If it’s been three to six months, I would really encourage you to stop and say to yourself, “Is this really the direction I want to go? Do I really want to keep trying to work things out?”
Or maybe you need to take a real look at your situation and say, “this clearly is not really going anywhere right now.”
Maybe it might be time for me to think about moving on. That’s the first way that you can tell that it might be time to move on from your ex.
2. Your ex doesn’t match your non-negotiable requirements for a mate.
The second thing is if you make a 5 by 5 list of things you want in a mate and you realize that your ex is not matching that list.
I have an exercise that I teach called the 5 by 5 list. I’m not going to go into the whole thing right now because it’s kind of an elaborate process.
Basically, you stop and think about what kind of person you want to be in a relationship with.
- What kind of relationship do you want to have?
- What things are non-negotiable?
- What things do you not want to put up with no matter what?
- What things are absolute must haves in a partner or a relationship?
After you know exactly what you’re looking for in a partner, you want to stop and look your list over and compare it to the people you’re romantically interested in.
How does your ex stack up to that?
If your ex just isn’t stacking up to the things that you want in a relationship, you have to come to terms with the fact that you probably won’t be able to have the kind of loving relationship that you really want with this person.
I know that can be hard and a lot of people out there really want to believe that their ex might change or that they’ll come around or whatever, but in my experience, it can be very difficult and very frustrating to bet on someone’s potential or for you to be hope they will change.
Now, can people change? Yes.
Do people change? Absolutely.
But I don’t want you to make decisions about your own future betting on the possibility that somebody else might change.
I want you to make choices about your future based off of the actual person that’s in front of you and based off of an actual person that you might actually consider being in a relationship with.
If the person right here in the present moment is not the kind of person that you can have the kind of relationship that you want that’s going to satisfy you long term, then you need to have the strength to walk away.
The more time you spend trying to make things work with somebody who is unable or unwilling to give you what you want, the less space you’ll have in your life to find and welcome somebody who can and would love to give you the kind of relationship that you really truly deserve.
That’s the second sign that might be time to move on from your ex.
3. You just want to move on from your ex.
The third sign that might be time to move on is just if you want to, right?
Nobody says you have to try to work things out with your ex.
Maybe you just don’t want to get back together for any number of reasons— either because of what happened between the two of you or because you’re just tired of trying to get back together.
That’s absolutely valid. Nobody said you have to keep trying to make things work forever. If you want to take your life in any direction, that’s valid, absolutely OK, and that’s something that I can respect.
I’m excited because we actually have put out a new cool thing for you guys.
It’s completely free, it’s called the Self-Love Bootcamp and you can find that over on our website here. Go go ahead and head over there.
You can sign up completely for free and it’s just like a little short crash course in how to improve the amount of love that you have for yourself which is really important, especially if you’re going through a breakup or trying to move on after a breakup.