What It REALLY Means When Your Man Looks At Other Women (Says a Man)


Why Men Look At Other Women

Picture this: you’re sitting with your boyfriend (or husband) in your favorite restaurant, having a wonderful night out together, when a woman walks by your table. You watch as the man you love turns his head quickly, looks her up and down, and his eyes linger just a little too long on her breasts, or her backside.

Suddenly there’s a surge of emotion, jealousy, anger, pain, insecurity. A torrent of questions runs through your mind: Does he want her? Does he thinks she’s more beautiful than me? Is he not attracted to me anymore?

Sound familiar? That’s because it’s probably happened to every woman, at some point.

Because, let’s face it, men look at women.

To be clear, that’s all men; not just your man, not just single men, not just players and cheaters and womanizers, but all men look at women.

Take me for instance. I’ve been with my partner for nearly 4 years. I love and adore her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I wouldn’t dream of betraying her trust by sleeping with someone else. But I look. I can’t help but notice when a beautiful woman walks by. I can’t help but react in the way that I do, to be attracted to women with certain features. It’s in my nature. And I am not alone.

It’s completely normal for men to look at other women.

It’s also completely normal for women to have that visceral, emotional reaction when they catch their partner looking.

It’s completely natural to want to know why men look at other women, and what it means when a guy (maybe your boyfriend) looks at another woman.

Allow me to explain…

What It Means When He Looks At Another Woman

  1. He finds her physically attractive.
  2. When he saw her, a chemical reaction happened in his brain. Neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin were released, giving him an involuntary surge of pleasure.
  3. Part of him wants her, or wonders what it would be like to be with her, in a completely harmless and innocent way. Just like you might be sexually attracted to Denzel Washington or Channing Tatum, and wonder what that might be like… but you wouldn’t act on it.
  4. In an alternate universe where he was single and unattached, he might be interested in her as a sexual partner.

What “The Look” Does NOT Mean

  1. He finds her more beautiful than you.
  2. He isn’t attracted to you.
  3. He isn’t happy with you, and your relationship.
  4. You don’t satisfy him.
  5. You aren’t _______ (attractive, skinny, sexy, loving, affectionate, etc.) enough for him.
  6. You should be angry at him, or jealous of her, or insecure about yourself or your body.
  7. He is unfaithful, or that he is going to cheat on you.
  8. Your relationship is doomed.

Simply put, him looking at other women has nothing to do with you at all. The world is full of beautiful sights – flowers and sunsets, great works of art – none more beautiful than the female body. It doesn’t take anything away from you when your man admires a painting or sculpture. It doesn’t diminish his love for you when he looks at another woman.

The look is really nothing more than that: acknowledging and appreciating beauty when we see it.

Why Men Look At Other Women

For men, sexual attraction and emotional connection do not necessarily go hand in hand. We can be attracted to women on a strictly physical level. We can be turned on by women with whom we feel no emotional connection or compatibility. We can be head-over-heels in love, completely devoted to one woman, and still be attracted to other women.

In fact, science suggests that we can’t help it. A research study published in the 2013 Archives of Sexual Behavior revealed big differences in the way men and women are drawn to potential partners.

Women tend to be more attracted to men based on familiarity; preferring men who closely resemble their current partner, and rating men more attractive the more often they see them.

Men, however, are attracted to novelty. We are drawn toward the new and different, attracted to many different women, with many different features and body types.

This is usually interpreted as being the result of evolution. Generally speaking, women evolved to be wives and mothers, nurturers and caretakers, while we men are programmed to ensure the survival of our genes by “sowing our seeds” as far and wide as possible. You could say that our eyes are hardwired to wander.

Looking at women not a personal choice we make to upset our partners, it’s a biological instinct. And the instinct to look at other women is usually acted on before the slower, conscious, decision-making process kicks in.

The natural sexual urges and impulses of men are also aggravated by media and advertising that is over-sexualized.

Everywhere we look, we are exposed to sexual images and innuendo designed to sell us everything from cars and cologne to beer and cheeseburgers. These usually feature heavily made-up, airbrushed and photoshopped models that promote an impossible ideal of “beauty.” (Of course this also encourages women to have all kinds of body-image issues and insecurities, but that’s another article…)

When It’s A Problem That He Looks At Other Women

While it is normal for men to notice other women, to look and admire, and even fantasize a bit, there is a line of respect that a mature and committed man will not cross.

Looking is one thing, staring is another; and it can be hurtful, embarrassing and offensive. As I said before, I cannot help my momentary reaction when I see an attractive woman. But once the moment passes, I quickly turn my attention back to the love of my life, the woman to whom I am faithfully devoted.

Blatant staring, inappropriate comments, touching, flirting and (obviously) cheating are all red flags.

This kind of disrespectful behavior indicates that a man is either not mature enough to control himself, or he doesn’t respect you (or women in general) or care enough about you to reign in his impulses. Either way, it doesn’t bode well for the future of your union…

Why Didn’t I Notice He Looked Before?

Often the fact that a man notices other women usually doesn’t become an issue until after a couple has been together for a year or more, and the magical “honeymoon phase” has come to an end.

It is tempting to assume that because the passion has started to fade, your partner is no longer into you, and he is looking around to explore other options. But that’s not necessarily true.

There are at least two reasons why this situation hasn’t reared it’s head before now, neither of which means that your partner has lost interest in you.

For one thing, during the early stages of a new romance, we are literallyhigh on love. Our brains emit a powerful and intoxicating chemical cocktail whenever we see, or even think about, our partner. For many men, this natural buzz is often enough to drive all thought of other women from our minds, reducing or eliminating our wandering eyes.

Second, during this intense, new love phase both partners tend to idealize each other, completely overlooking annoying habits and traits. Even if your partner did check out another woman in front of you, you might be so infatuated with him that you ignore it, or unconsciously block it out.

But after a year or two, or three at the most, the honeymoon period comes to an end. There is a gradual change in the way our brains respond to our partner, and it changes how we feel and act when we are together.

For him, his old hunter-gatherer instincts kick in as strong as ever, and he finds that his eyes are once again drawn to every attractive woman who crosses his path. And she can no longer remain blissfully ignorant. She notices his roving eye, and if she has ever been cheated on before, it’s bound to open up those old wounds, and bring any insecurities front and center.

This was certainly the case for me and my relationship. For the first year or two, I was so smitten with my beloved that I scarcely noticed other women. It was the first time I had experienced this, and it was a beautiful thing. But when that initial, fiery passion began to cool, I started noticing other women again. Not because I lost interest in her, but because my brain chemistry was changing. We were entering a new phase of our relationship, and the dynamic changed for both of us.

Up to this point, a love affair is easy and effortless, as both partners are swept up and carried off by the raging storm of their mutual attraction. But in order for a relationship to survive past this point, it takes real honesty, commitment and clear communication on both sides.

How to Deal With It When A Guy Looks At Other Women

  1. Don’t Assume. When you do notice your man looking at another woman, don’t read too much into it. Remember what it means, and most importantly what it doesn’t. A glance does not equal a betrayal. Remember that he loves you, he cares about you, he is committed to you, and he is still attracted to you. Of all the women in his life, he chooses to be with you.
  2. Set Realistic Expectations. When we hold our partner to impossible standards, it leads to a never-ending cycle of disappointment, hurt feelings, anger and frustration. No one wins. We have to get real about human nature and sexual desire. There are lots of beautiful women in the world, and you are not the only one that your guy finds attractive. Don’t expect him not to notice or look at other women 100% of the time.
  3. Tell Him How You Feel. When your partner’s roaming eye does hurt your feelings, or make you feel inadequate, tell him so. Practice Non-Violent Communication. Express your honest feelings without blaming, shaming or accusing him.
  4. Set Healthy Boundaries. If your partner is committed to making your relationship work, he will be willing to work with you in setting some healthy boundaries. He shouldn’t look too often, too long, or too blatantly. He should make every effort not to make you uncomfortable (or other women, for that matter). And most importantly, he should make it clear to you, in both his words and his actions, that he still wants you, and cares for you; he is still attracted to you, and committed to your relationship.

We all need love and emotional connection in order to be happy and fulfilled; men are no exception.

Many cultural myths and stereotypes would have us believe that men are emotionally insensitive, and driven by their sexual urges alone. But the truth is that we men need intimacy, love and affection just as much as women do.

A good man is aware of this, and lives his life accordingly. He knows that an emotional and spiritual connection is more fulfilling than a one-night stand; that sex is so much more satisfying, more profound and pleasurable when you share a deep bond with your partner. His love and respect for you is more powerful than his sexual urges. He doesn’t deny or repress his impulses, nor does he indulge them recklessly. He looks, appropriately and respectfully, but he does not touch.

Above all, he goes out of his way to show you that you are his priority; that he loves you, he cares for you, and out of all the beautiful women he sees every day, you are the one that he chooses, the one that he wants, that he is yours and yours alone. And that’s what really matters, isn’t it?

Anyway, want a man to be yours for life– no matter who he sees?

Did you know that attracting a man to you forever and making him powerfully drawn to stay with you no matter what has more to do with how you make him feel than how you look?

It’s true.

When you make a man feel a certain way, it won’t matter whether there are other women on the planet, because he’ll only have eyes for you.

To find out exactly how to create this kind of devotion in your man and have an unfair advantage over any woman who crosses his path, you need to watch this right now.

Ben Neal

About Ben Neal

Ben Neal is a freelance writer from Kansas City, who writes about life, love, and how to live a life you love. When he’s not hunched over the keyboard, you’ll find him outside with his family; camping, bike riding or working in the garden. Connect with him on Facebook or Twitter to read more.


  1. natalie

    May 29, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. Not all men are pigs, and not only men stare.

    • Feras

      July 2, 2015 at 5:41 am

      You right . Not just men looking to other girl . Even girls do the same ….!!

  2. darling article

    May 30, 2015 at 3:48 am

    Well, thanks for explaining how you fellows just can’t help yourselves. Now we know we just need to accept this behavior.

    When a man checks out other women in front of a loved one, he’s selfish. I wonder how these unattractive men feel they can justify this behavior. Many of these men don’t work very hard to be attractive themselves, and they expect us to tolerate their wanting something they haven’t earned.

    • Eva M Arnold

      April 8, 2018 at 12:19 pm

      Right on. Well said

    • I

      April 24, 2018 at 9:14 pm

      Exactly. Bullshit article. I’d rather be single if “all men” do this.

      • Cindy

        September 29, 2018 at 4:55 pm

        Amen. This article is a bullshit excuse and if my man wants to look at other women he should go be with them. He can’t do both. This was a sorry excuse of an article and BULLSHIT. Don’t you think I’d get “chemical reactions” in my body if I LET myself stare at hot guys all over? I would but I’m not a dumb fuck. I am married and don’t dream and stare at hot guys. I am not getting the same in return? End the relationship. I’d rather be alone then have my husband stare down and dream of other girls and expect me to have sex with him. If they make him horny he should let them get him off.

  3. Torigirl

    June 1, 2015 at 9:39 pm

    I appreciate this article. Being insecure as a woman has made me feel hurt and jealous many times when my partner looks or even says anything about someone else. I have since gotten over this. This article shows much thought and makes a lot of sense. People have flaws and if you are not comfortable enough in a relationship to acknowledge that your partner may find someone attractive and look for a moment then the problem is you. Men are not pigs for taking a two second look with their partner around. This article is great, thank you.

    • Eva M Arnold

      April 8, 2018 at 12:21 pm

      Two seconds is fine but out right gaucking and rude comments , there is a fine line. And I’m glad you haven’t experienced the other

  4. Kevin

    June 6, 2015 at 3:22 pm

    Far less men do this nowadays….mainly because male attention is unwelcome !!

    Men who are with partners should not do this & show some respect. With the male heavy gender ratio , she could easily dump him & find another guy very quickly.

    • Crystal Shroyer

      April 25, 2018 at 3:31 pm

      Very well said

    • Kritie

      May 9, 2018 at 1:22 am

      Well said

  5. Carmen

    June 30, 2015 at 8:19 am

    The reason a man looks is because he’s too comfortable to go after it. If you love your partner, respect her. Stick to looking at the beautiful things in life that you entitled to and accept that once your in a relationship, your right to gain sexual pleasure from a passing stranger (that is suppost to insignificant to u regardless how beautiful) has been vaporised. Keep your eyes to yourself and stop trying to justify being a perv by claiming you chose her and your hers. If you were hers you wouldn’t be hurting her by perverting over others.

    • Attract The One

      Attract The One

      June 30, 2015 at 8:34 am

      Hi Carmen. Please refrain from name calling, using lewd terminology and making disrespectful comments to other commenters. We aim to keep the environment here safe for people to share. Comments that don’t fit these requirements will be removed or edited to remove the explicit content without further notice.

    • Von

      June 17, 2017 at 9:21 pm


    • Real Deal

      February 17, 2018 at 5:04 am


    • Eva M Arnold

      April 8, 2018 at 12:22 pm

      Amen sis

  6. Rizz

    August 25, 2016 at 11:08 pm

    I love how real and honest this post is. I’ve been with my husband almost 9 years now and this is really how he explained it to me after the first four years when I was a little insecure about it. Here and there I will still feel jealous, not because I don’t trust him, I just know that I have some self esteem issues to still work on. He’s also never stared or commented in front of me. Behind my back I don’t know but really it’s his space and thought, I should respect and trust that too. I know he respects mine.

    Instead of getting huffy and puffy, I just take a moment, breathe, and remind myself that this reflexive action is natural, chemical and harmless. Then I myself think about the little boost of neurotransmitters that shoot up when I see a hot guy and sometimes woman (can’t deny when someone’s very attractive). Does it mean I want to cheat or leave my husband, NO! I sometimes chime in when there is a woman who’s really attractive and my husband gets shy about it.

    I love that I free myself from worrying and wondering, because after all, we are humans and still have animal instinct and drives. I think some women were also just programmed to accept we should just be wives or mothers and not explore our sexuality after the fact. I totally disagree. Sometimes when I’m tired from chores and playing with our toddler, I feel the most urge to pounce him (TMI sorry). And honestly, fantasizing and seeing beautiful people (in person or in adult movies) can give you a little spice in the bedroom! BTW, beauty comes in all shapes and sizes (not just the ideal type portrayed in media). So physical attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder.

    I’ve learned communication is key! Whether you like what you hear initially or not, it’s better to hear the truth. And overtime, it got easier to accept and grow from it. About 9 years in, we still have this solid, emotionally and sexually healthy, and honest relationship. Not all men are pigs, but I agree majority of men look and some women too 😉. This article is well thought out and written. Thank you!

    • Real Deal

      February 17, 2018 at 5:06 am

      Best Comment!

  7. Chante

    March 3, 2017 at 10:55 am

    Human nature. Thanks for the article now I have a better understanding.

  8. Bombom

    April 14, 2017 at 8:02 am

    When i was reading this ..i was like, am I the only one who think this is “bullocks”?… Then I read couple of replies and i found relief. Im having that issue with my husband. I started to notice this behavior after a stare look a girl at a theme park. Both look at each other. I felt cheated so I confronted him and he apologized. I felt so insecure for a few months after that. It was bad. I found myself checking his phone and stuff. I felt so bad tjat i decided to work and invest in myself. Changed my hair, wardrope and hit the gym. Now his attention is back where is suppose to be. Men!!

    • Kitten

      August 8, 2017 at 1:56 am

      Im going to colour my hair, wanna go to gym. And I hope that could help me a bit.
      Im totally done with it. Mine isnt just looking to other but also commenting their bodies n so on.
      I also have found out that he is talking to girls on his FB. After I found it out, I felt sad. But before the work I kissed him goodbye.. I’m so done with our sharp discussions bc he almost always make me the quilty one that I notice and found out everything.
      But yea, what I wanted to say-making us more beautiful might make us happier even he wont stop looking at other girls..

  9. Alba

    April 29, 2017 at 11:54 am

    No men out there that already has a girlfriend/wife should look at others for longer than a second. The woman you already have is your choice, no one put you a gun on the head and pushed you to be with here. And in case the men respects himself and his choices then he should keep his eyes off of others’ women.

    If he cannot than relationships are not for him. There are enough red districts and women that don’t want sth serious. Why poison the soul of someone that gives you the heart for the faces and other parts of nameless women that cross your sight.

    Even some pets have faced more evolution than most of men that justify their lack of caracter with genetic and mention they are born to spread their genes around. The only chance a man has to spread his genes and give a good, happy life to his kids, is to think straight and see that puting his woman first, and not his ego, will reward him with a happy family.

    There are enough good men out there that deserve a chance, and dealing more than 3 times with the same man for the same topic and seeing it getting repeated as if nothing happened, is like talking to the wall and expecting a change. Just find yourself a better one and make yourself and the good guys a favor.

    You and your life are precious so don’t waste it with worthless people.
    You can’t change people for good but they can drain your energy as you keep on trying. So the end result is losing yourself and no one is worth enough for this to happen.

    I am a women myself but I love it when I see how much efford women put in their relationships and how much happiness they should receive in return instead of pain and negativity.

    With love someone from someone who already learnt her lessons.

    • Von

      June 17, 2017 at 9:20 pm

      I completely agree. If you “can’t help yourself” then maybe you should reevaluate the love you have for your partner as well as respect. I would never accept this from my husband or any man for that matter. I always say don’t lose what you have lusting after others

    • Lu

      March 16, 2018 at 4:11 am

      Thanks so much. This helps a lot. I really needed to hear that!

  10. Zo

    August 4, 2017 at 5:00 am

    I’m dumping my guy and turning gay.

  11. Lana

    August 5, 2017 at 7:15 am

    Just a crock of shit.men are never satisfied and incapable of love. Oh I’m a man I love you honey but I love to fantasize about every other woman. If a man isn’t cheating he gawks at every other woman and wishes he was. Nothing special about being a. Gf or wife…all men just want something else anyway.maybe men could just stop pretending they have feelings. Clearly you guys need blow up dolls in 70 varieties. …even then it wouldn’t be good enough.PIGs

  12. Lucy

    August 21, 2017 at 1:43 pm

    Our brains have developed since paleolithic era and we have learned to become CIVILIZED. This behaviour CAN be neutralised. Men just don’t want to put in the effort!!!
    This article is encouraging men to let themselves be “a little selfish” and enjoy the sight of other women. SICK and GROTESQUE, if you are committed to your woman, stay committed in every sense of the word!!
    If you are single whatever, but from the moment you are committed to this one woman, this behaviour needs to be stopped/neutralised.
    I will never allow my husband to find other women attractive other than me. Not even for a second. It is about respect and being committed in every sense of the word, every second of his life. We are starting therapy because I told him if this continues I will divorce him.

  13. Erika

    September 27, 2017 at 12:39 am

    It comes down to respect. Even if there is beauty all around, and the reactions are strong, all it takes it to glance, and look away…not stare at every attractive girl that walks by. Of course you’re aware that it’s there, but so is the woman across from you that is giving you her love, efforts, and respect. Sure, I am aware of “hot guys” in the room, but I make an effort not to look at them because I know it would hurt my boyfriend’s feelings. The respect is not mutual because I cannot count how many times I’ve seen his glazed over eyes checking out some chic. Sad.

  14. usa2elsewhere

    October 6, 2017 at 11:48 pm

    Ben you’re a fool. Not all men are attracted to other women. There are men who feel no need to admire the looks of other women. No one should read or pay for anything you say.

  15. Susan Powers

    December 8, 2017 at 9:32 am

    My issue isn’t that he looks. It’s like seeing a nice car. My issue is the eye contact. At a restaurant, he looks, again, again, so I finally look at which he’s looking at. Of course she looks away, so I’m on alert. I am to the point. I hate going places with him. It’s ridiculous. What men don’t understand is it turns me off. I’m not jealous, just turned off. It’s a respect issue. I don’t know what to do. Conversations, examples, arguing haven’t done anything to help. I’m just turned off of an otherwise good man.


    February 3, 2018 at 10:09 am

    You are correct when something’s appealing you look however when it becomes obvious and disrespectful there’s no excuses


    February 3, 2018 at 10:11 am

    You are correct we all look when something’s physically appealing to us however when it becomes obvious and disrespectful that’s a problem men don’t get a pass just because they’re men that’s what men do it’s disrespectful to constantly look or stare when you with your spouse

  18. just me

    March 2, 2018 at 12:47 am

    I hate it!! I’ve been cheated on and I’m insecure about it. I’ve talked to him about it and it seems like it has made it worse! I don’t even want to be touched by him when I notice this behavior! I’ve asked him several times if he would prefer to be single because for me, I’m tired of being hurt by getting cheated on…it makes me realize that I’d rather be single than to worry, but wtf can’t I let go? There’s that other side that believes him and I feel like I’m the mean one. I don’t know, i feel like if you were happy with who you have in your life..you wouldn’t be looking at my co workers ass everytime you see her!! It’s hard to ignore and get turned on in the bedroom when the man you love sees other girls and stares.

  19. Lee

    March 8, 2018 at 5:27 am

    Boy,boy! Truly every man’s battle. I am a devout Christian 49year old women and can relate to many wounded womens replies. I have two boys ages 10 and 12 and a 19 year old girl. The teenage boy show signs of this already. The sad part for me is that Jesus didn’t condone this adulterous behaviour in men. He said in Matthew 5:28 that if you look at a woman and lust after her, you’ve already commuted adultery in your heart with her. also….there is no place in God’s kingdom for adulterous, fornicators etc. The problem why men believe its natural and acceptable to commit adultery,is because the majority of men,including Christian men, make themselves guilty of this. Jesus Christ died for men and women to overcome all kinds of sin. If it is not possible, the gospel of Jesus Christ is in vain and a joke,and I can join men by whoring around, bury myself in pornography,alcohol or whatever soothes the pain. I’ve learned that happiness and fulfillment for a woman comes from a personal relationship and pure obedience to her maker, not a man, child or anybody or anything else. When I cry at night, He gives me peace and comforts me with His soft voice. That peace that surpasses all understanding. I don’t have the answer to how men can get rid of their pride, because that is the root course of the sexual sin..pride,which is idolatry and that leads to sexual sin. I say it with love and respect for men,as I have 2 little men in the making. I don’t know how long I can live with this betrayal…my second marriage…not physical adultery, but continuous lusting after other women. I gave my problem to God, take it from day to day and focus on purifying my life before God, and not focussing on his faults. I cannot give him my body, as I cannot stand his touch, but I am not going to force myself either. If God is a just God, as I believe He is, He will come through for me. In the meantime girls, fast,pray for men regardless your pain in your hearts…We will not be bound to this world forever..this too will pass. Invest in your eternal destiny.

  20. Judi

    March 14, 2018 at 4:12 am

    Looking OR not looking IS a choice — not a reflex, not hard-wired into a man as some people would like to convince us, or worse yet brain-wash our young men to believe.
    The human brain has developed since the Paleolithic era and we can
    be in control of our so-called impulses.
    I am fed up with studies suggesting otherwise – a fully developed MAN in our era can have complete control of himself and what
    he does and does not choose to look at.

  21. The female

    March 14, 2018 at 5:57 am

    I don’t understand why women should accept the explained above men’s ‘normal’ behaviour, but men cannot accept the women’s one, too? I am a woman and trust me dear men, I am a human being, too and I get attracted to other men as well.

    ‘’I look’’, the male author of this article states. I look, too! It is all going around the special needs of men and their men’s nature and that we have to accept all this, as it is natural. We must accept men’s looks and stares, but when it comes to your girlfriend, noticing another man in the cafe, this becomes unacceptable. You might be handsome, but don’t forget that there are plenty handsome men we, women meet everyday and you are not the only one.

    If you look and stare at other women with/or not with your woman and have fantasies about those other girls and women, you must understand that women have their needs too and we also feel pleasure of noticing a perfect male body, their perfect frontsides or their well looking backsides. Dreams go through females brains, too, so you men need to try and accept this. Moreover, telling the world that you have moments you ‘can’t help’, doesn’t mean that your woman will stay in the corner and applaud you for that, while stopping herself of eye interacting with other men, just so you are not feeling bad.

    Women! Don’t become prisoners, caught in confusing emotions, given you by men. When you see a handsome man, don’t stop yourself of noticing and eye contact. Nature is nature. For everyone.

  22. Catherine Gordon

    March 17, 2018 at 3:43 pm

    Oh my God I have never heard such juvenile sexist jribble in my life. Guess what women are attracted to other people the same as men and when we see a hot guy the same bells and whistles go off its just that most of us have enough respect for our partner to notlook in front of them. Men need to stop making excuses for their bad behavior and just grow up already. The heless little boy routine is getting old.

  23. Tiger

    March 24, 2018 at 8:09 pm

    Yes this article is utter nonsense. Women are wired to look too it’s just that most will not do it out of respect to their partners. This is a such a sad attempt to brainwash us into thinking it’s normal Male behaviour when it’s actually just childish bad behaviour. Don’t try and gaslight women into thinking that men are compelled and can’t control themselves. It’s insulting to men too, you aren’t helpless babies ruled by your penises, you are adult, intelligent humans who make choices, and quite easily make a choice not to leer at every woman who walks past as though we have been put here for your consumption and entertainment. Women don’t like men leering at them, and young women especially just find it creepy. Back off. I feel sorry for your girlfriend I bet you give her this excuse every time your eyes wander. Well guess what…she’s got more options than you. She won’t just look. She’ll leave.

    • Lisa

      June 3, 2018 at 8:16 pm

      I agree with this completely.

      Also, from a female point of view, when a man looks at me while he’s with his wife/girlfriend, I immediately see him as low quality. High quality men set better standards for themselves. They might glance at or briefly notice attractive women (we all notice attractive people and things), but they don’t let their gazes linger. Key word “let”. It’s a choice.

  24. Ansley

    May 2, 2018 at 8:35 pm

    So this very thing, on a very minor level has bugged me about my husband for as long as we’ve been together….thought there was something wrong with me, well ummmm no, so I’ve started throwing it in his face, doing exactly what bothers me without words….see how I feel now ;-). And no I will never try hard, wear makeup, go to the gym yaddd yadddda, whatever the hell is the current trend at the moment, because I respect myself and if he doesn’t like it, he knows where the doors at and I remind him if this. I don’t put up with the bull :-). There is somebody waiting out there that would love me unconditionally and welcome me with open arms!!!!!!

  25. Lisa

    June 3, 2018 at 7:19 pm

    Articles like this suggest we should have low expectations of men, that they’re ruled by their hormones and just can’t help themselves.

    I used to check out good-looking men whenever I was out in public–ALL the time. It wasn’t because I wanted to sleep with them or imagined myself with those men instead of my husband. I just got pleasure from the visuals. I realised it had become a habit (not instinct or some biological urge that couldn’t be controlled), so out of curiosity I wanted to see if I could change the behaviour.

    Whenever I saw an attractive man I’d look once then purposefully shift my attention elsewhere. It only took a dozen or so times before I barely even had the temptation to glance anymore. Now attractive men are merely background noise, and my focus is entirely on my husband. Because of this my marriage is much stronger now and a whole lot more intimate.

    I don’t see ANY reason why men aren’t capable of doing the same thing.

    It’s a learned behaviour that can be unlearned if the person wants to put in the effort. This article excuses the behaviour (it’s not a biological urge) rather than supports change or personal growth.

  26. Stephie

    August 23, 2018 at 4:41 am

    As humans, we have weakness and we’re going to make mistakes. The principle of not being perfect in essence does in no way prevents anyone to be agents of change. We can build up our brain muscles and increase the strength of our attention and concentration gradually. Yes we have the power to act and not be acted upon, if only we have the desire to take action and turn our weaknesses into strengths.

    We need to stop the nonsense of nurturing the thoughts that it’s “completely normal for men to look at other women and vice versa”. It’s indeed a reality and the behaviour can certainly be corrected with daily practice and increased discipline. We are not doomed to repeat mistakes unless we don’t watch ourselves closely.

    Checking out is the first step and by not doing anything about it we’re setting ourselves up for crossing the line and commit much bigger mistakes. Save yourself some pain, don’t set yourself on fire to nurture some temporal desire. It will hurt eventually, unless you take control of your thoughts and behaviour.

  27. Lea

    September 29, 2018 at 11:38 am

    I feel glancing at or appreciating beauty is natural, and my Bf is always respectful when he’s with me. However, I just discovered, by accident, he’s following a bikini model on Instagram. How do you approach this? I feel it is disrespectful and was raised it is morally wrong to lust after other women but don’t want to be controlling. His morals are probably not as rigid as mine.
    Is it selfish to want to be the only one he gets a dopamine rush from?

    • McKenzie

      November 3, 2018 at 3:01 pm


      If he respects you- and cares about you- he will stop following her if you approach him about it. Talk to him and tell him. My husband stopped using SnapChat- watching porn, texting other women etc. I knew he was the one I wanted to marry because he respected my feelings.

      I dated a surfer who followed female surfers who were models. He couldn’t see why that would make me uncomfortable. He was an okay guy- I even thought he was my dream guy- but I knew I would never be 100% comfortable with him following “hot women”. And I knew I especially wanted to be with someone who took my feelings into account- which he didn’t.

      I am constantly so grateful that I married a man who loves me WHOLEheartedly. 🙂

      I say talk to him openly- kindly- and he’ll stop following (if not immediately, eventually) out of care for you. If he doesn’t… that’s always good to know too. (I’m not saying give him an ultimatum- just tell him and see what he does. Life would be miserable with someone who doesn’t respect you.)

  28. Mindy

    October 13, 2018 at 12:12 pm

    I find some of what the author says in this article disgusting. When men make that choice to look at other women when they have one, it is utter disrespect and immature behavior. This author is trying to justify what men do so women will think it’s okay. WRONG. It’s not okay. What this does is creates distance in your current relationship and bad habits. Women have more respect for their man to not look, men should do. STOP making excuses for yourself and other men Ben just cus you want to be selfish and put your own desires above your woman’s. Grow up. All women should not be treated as sex objects where men can look up and down. Beautiful women is a gift from God and men like to abuse it. Learn how to stop thinking with the wrong head.

  29. Brandi Miller

    October 15, 2018 at 4:42 pm

    I wouldn’t mind a glance, but mine really struggled with staring like with his eyes bugging out of his head. He has since stopped doing that, but persists in notifying me when he finds a woman attractive and makes comments on her appearance. He has asked me twice if I wanted to go to a burlesque show and I got upset. Then I suggested we go to a male burlesque show or one that is a bit more balanced to help me with my anxiety about partial nudity, and he said no. And he won’t stop talking to me about going to topless beaches and wanting to look at other women’s breasts. He suggests we do that so I can gain confidence. When I ask him if he wants to go to a nude beach so we can both experience it and to help me gain confidence, he says no. He thinks that just going to a topless beach will alleviate my anxiety and that there are mostly just old women there anyway. When I tell him these statements and comments make me feel inadequate and like I am not doing my job as a wife, he tells me this is nonsense. He just refuses to see how I may be feeling insecure about this and he refuses to help me. He will not risk being nude in public but wants me to go topless so he can just look at his wife and all the women naked while he is safely clothed. I feel he is most selfish and inconsiderate and cowardly.

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