Hey, welcome back! This is Carlos Cavallo from Dating Advice Guru.
Today, I’m going to give you my special annual edition of turn offs for men. That’s right. I’m going to show you what 99.9% of all men are turned off if you say this or do this.
If you’re not careful with your communication, you might turn the guy off if you say the wrong thing.
You don’t want him to think that you’re being a jerk, and you sure as hell don’t want to scare him off if he’s a good catch, right?
Chances are you’re not trying to turn him off, right?
At least I hope not anyway. You’re probably doing your best to be charming, delightful and sexy for him but it’s certainly possible to say something that might make him give you that confused-tilted-dog look that says you might have bunked it up a little bit.
Right now we’re going to take a look at the things that really make men step back and think twice about you. Let’s avoid turning men off if at all possible, right?
Let’s talk about turn offs for men to avoid.
If you only thought guys could be arrogant, you’d be very, very wrong.
I’ve been on dates with women that talked non-stop about who they know, how important they are, how impressed I should be with them yadda, yadda, yadda, and it’s really gross.
It’s super gross to listen to a woman talking arrogantly.
Not only is it revolting to listen to somebody trying to force you to like them because of who they think they are, it’s also something we associate with guys who are kind of douchebags.
When guys do this kind of bragging and boasting and being arrogant, it’s yucky enough.
When a woman does this, guys are just as turned off.
Attitude turn-off number two is entitlement.
This is one isn’t too far from arrogance, if we’re being perfectly straight with each other. Entitlement is the arrogance of “I deserve it just because.”
This comes up and it has been in my history as well. I had a woman who literally stiffened up and gave me a speech when the check came to the table when we’re on a date and that it was my duty to pay.
Never mind that I was gladly going to pay the check but she wouldn’t even give me the opportunity to show her my intentions on my own.
That woman never saw me again.
Now, maybe her goal was a free meal. I mean she was a sweetheart, she’s been burned too many times but she could have had so much more without that entitled attitude.
There’s a big difference between a healthy feeling of your own self-worth, and the attitude that things should just fall into your lap. It should just be given to you because you deserve them.
The shame is that those who really deserve it never usually put that on the people around them. They just let the deserving manifest itself naturally.
3. Dull, boring conversation.
I’ve been on quite a few dates where the girl I was with just couldn’t hold her own in a conversation. This was usually not the norm, but it has happened enough that I thought I’d figure out what the heck was going on with it.
Sometimes it’s shyness on her part, sometimes it was as though she expected me to entertain her and that’s why she was being quiet like she was my audience or something, I don’t know.
Sometimes I’ve noticed a certain level of disconnect where she had no clue that talking to a guy really doesn’t involve a degree or night school or training of any kind.
No matter what the reason is, you can be sure that guys will not be interested in you if you don’t give up some good conversation.
He’s just like you, he’s just a guy. He has interests, hobbies, a family to talk about.
There’s really no excuse for not at least keeping up your end of the conversation.
Just to be perfectly clear, even though your conversation may have sparkle and wit, you also need to avoid the sin of being boring.
There’s no sin greater for any man than to endure somebody who doesn’t seem like they really done a lot of self-work.
I’ve mentioned this one countless times on my videos, podcast and articles.
Guys really hate conversation that’s centered around mundane human drama— the ins and outs of what that nasty chick is doing to make your life miserable. It’s just not something that a guy relates to.
Guys don’t simply just engage with drama like that. We don’t really have a lot of time to waste on petty back-and-forths.
It’s not that there’s something bad with women that get into this kind of drama but we’re not attracted to it.
Men are just going to start offering solutions so we can get on to a more meaningful conversation with you.
5. Making him into Mr. Initiative.
This is an area that my wife and I have even had to discuss in the past. It’s a mistake women make that men everywhere will nod their heads too when they hear about it.
It was also one of the top things that I’d have to work on when I coached guys on dating.
So, what is it?
I’ll say it like this. Guys really don’t want to be expected to do everything.
Let me explain what I mean.
Yes, we realize you’re doing a ton of things behind the scenes yourself.
You’re doing a lot too. And guys don’t mind being the one that take the leadership role.
In fact, we feel much more at home as the ones to initiate a lot of things in the relationship when it comes to organizing and planning kind of logistics stuff.
However, guys do want to see that you will do this on occasion too, that you’ll take the risk to ask and act first even if it’s only in the most simple ways such as in the bedroom.
Every so often take the lead with a man and start the party. Maybe even suggest that new Cosmo position that will blow his mind.
Men don’t care about mind-blowing, we just want sincere connecting romps in the hay, just that easy. Or, when it comes to hanging out that night, suggest the show that you want to watch or the board game you want to play or what it is you want to do.
Don’t always defer to saying to him, “whatever you want.”
Guys want you to take an active role in planning out the non-social stuff, even if we complain or whine later. Don’t be fooled.
6. You have no life.
This one is a big turn off for men. It’s pretty common to hear this complaint from guys.
It’s not as prevalent when a woman is over 30 but it does still happen.
It’s when a woman seems to have no life of her own other than waiting on the right guy to come along.
Guys have a joke about this, we call it “the no-fly zone” meaning that when a woman gets to be around 27 to 34, they’re on that age range and she’s on the “Oh my God, I’m going to be 30” awareness.
Then it gets to be, “Oh my God! I AM 30.”
…And then, “Oh yeah, holy crap, now, I’m over 30.”
These are all very alarming to a woman who is interested in having children as it starts to highlight the age, the biological clock stuff.
Consider that most guys I have coached in recent years are right there with you and wanting kids before they get too old too.
So, even if you’re past this time of your life, you have to watch out for appearing as if you’re not living your own life and you’re waiting on the right guy to come along and sweep you off your feet.
7. You’re manipulative.
Attitude turn-off number seven is “puppet time.”
This turn off for men is best summed up I one word, “manipulation” and little strings.
Men are keen to avoid being manipulated. Mostly because we know how easily we are manipulated. Women know this too. Guys know that they can played really easily compared to a woman.
Guys are played when a woman cries, when she acts dumb or childish or when she tries to make him jealous.
How about leaving stuff over at his house or in his car?
Yeah, a little manipulating.
Dropping hints instead of asking for what you want outright?
Yeah, manipulating again.
Look, we both know the list of ways women manipulate men gets really long.
You have to avoid even the most basic of manipulations like when you make that pleading face and say, “Please, sweety…?
Men want to please women.
We’re programmed to please women. Most women know this on some level but please don’t take advantage of a man’s nature or you’ll find that he will back off quick and you might not even know it until it’s too late.
8. You pay more attention to your phone than him.
This is called “sidebarring” and this has become so huge that not only does it have its own term, it simply has to be mentioned.
Have you ever spent any time watching people lately?
If you have, you’ve probably seen woman in clusters doing this.
What I’m talking about this is when you’re a Phombie, that’s a smartphone zombie. I actually got that one in the urban dictionary.
Locked in a blinkless stare with your phones glowing screen, you’re more concerned with liking, texting and instagramming than paying attention in what’s going on in the real world around you and right in front of you, especially with him.
This problem has reached an epic scale and guys notice it.
I watched people on planes, at the store, in restaurants, on the street, they’re all addicted to their phones.
Everyone is in the state of fear of missing out or as they call it “FOMO”.
The problem of phone addiction has gotten out of hand. This includes being on your phone instead of interacting or paying attention to them. This also includes being social media obsessed.
The funny thing about social media is that it – it’s only giving you the illusion of connecting with your friends.
It’s not really connecting at all.
Connection happens in-person where you can hear her voice, see his face and sense these people’s real emotions.
Obviously, it is nice to be able to reach out and connect with friends but it also puts us in a place where we don’t put more effort than a text or message on Facebook to talk to a person.
In the end, I can give you a huge list of turn-offs for men, right?
The point is for you to focus on doing enough of the right things in the relationship to keep them interested.
If you do enough of those good things, the turn-offs don’t happen or he ignores them or he lets them go. You gain an understanding of how to make your relationship as strong as possible and you avoid these turn offs for men.
One of the most important things you have to do is to make sure you know how to really make him feel the impact of your love.
This effect is called The Cupid Effect— feeling that impact of love.
You absolutely need to know how to do this and make him feel it. It’s the key to getting a guy to commit to your love and make him desire you with wild reckless abandon.
To know how this works, go watch my short presentation here.