Men are one of my favorite parts of life. I’ve always loved them.
From my very first boyfriend Sean (at age 5) to the present day man who I adore. Then there was the next door neighbor who I crushed on so hard and also spit on his cheek at one point. Romantic, no?
Even the wasband and his quirks have a special place in my heart. Before we got married he was totally smitten with me and then cold as ice afterward. I remember how hard he shut me out.
And then, like magic, he was trying to see me, get in touch and generally hover around my life.
Because… I figured some stuff out.
When we fast forward to the present day, all men– romantic or not– treat me completely differently than they used to. This goes from men I know well to ones who I run into going about my day. It’s magic.
And… it just gets better and better. I feel weird saying stuff like that because it seems so smug. But then I go and lurk in relationship groups and get reminded that this just isn’t normal, boring everyday reality for tons of women.
It sure didn’t used to be my own reality either.
Growing up I was definitely a tomboy. I didn’t think this whole “being a woman” gig sounded very good.
Now, I don’t mean that from the perspective of wanting to actually be a boy. I simply wanted the power and options I imagined men to have.
I vividly remember getting pissed at my grandmother when I was 5 or 6 because she told me that I was going to grow up to be a “lady.”
I told her with complete (and angry) seriousness that I intended to be a rockstar.
6 year old me FUMED about it for way longer than even makes sense. At the time, I couldn’t think of anything more insulting (and boring) than simply being “just” a lady.
I couldn’t see any benefit to being a woman. Like, zero. I had internalized tons of misogyny that I’ve worked to unravel for a long time.
So, I embraced my own masculine energy. Got safe and comfortable with it.
Oh… and if you’re asking yourself what the heck I’m talking about– all human beings have some combination of both energy sources– masculine and feminine.
Anyhow, I got really safe and comfortable in my masculine energy.
But, there were several problems with this.
The first problem is that when the feminine energy source is ignored, it will mess up your life. It’s chaos energy. You leave just a drop of that power lying around without tending to it and you’ll have a serious problem in short order.
The next problem is that when you go into your own masculine energy source and make a long term home there, you will not be sexually attractive to masculine energy men.
I’m not talking about the way you look (at all). They might find you superficially hot at first.
But you can be physically stunning and they’ll still bounce off you when you’re consistently in your masculine.
For example, I’ve worked with super beautiful women who went through total boom and bust cycles with men until they learned what I teach. A woman’s looks certainly are the physical manifestation of her feminine energy. I’m not going to pretend that looks don’t matter in our everyday life.
But looks are like 5% of the equation when we’re talking about magnetism.
Anyway, when you’re letting your own masculine energy run the show, you will not get the joy of experiencing men at their cherishing best.
Guys treat you kind of like a smaller dude to eat wings with on the couch. Or a plaything to be used.
This goes whether you could be on the cover of Vogue with minimal fanfare or not.
Which can feel comfortable for a while but what you’ll experience is definitely not magnetic, juicy or very satisfying. The polarity is too far out of line.
So my relationships were frustrating and hot and cold. For a long time it was hard to figure out why.
Eventually I figured out what was going on after truly learning about men.
When I started my work, I began with learning about men because I wanted to get my needs met.
…And keep my relationships from feeling like passionless business arrangements.