I got an email the other day that contained so much in a short sentence that I have to say something because it points to a really common mindset that hurts everyone who holds onto it.
In response to one of my emails about the Secrets To Understanding Men Workshop, a reader simply said,
“Some men are just jerks. It’s not that complicated.”
Sure, I agree. There are some bad apples out there. Some are even men.
But let’s look deeper into the assumption that goes into this really common (and damaging) mindset.
It’s the flip side.
It’s the concept that all you need to do is find a “good man” and your problems with men will be solved. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Say we get a magic wand out and we dismiss all of the “jerks.”
We just wipe them off the face of the Earth like *poof*.
Now, all we have left over is non-jerks.
Is your life magically uncomplicated now? Think about it.
The stakes are actually higher now… because you know for certain that every man you come into contact with is a solid gold winner.
If they don’t want you now, or you’re having a tough relationship where you have to grit your teeth to sort everything out– you can’t blame everything on the concept that “men are jerks” and all you have to do is locate a “good” one.
Now, what you have to work with is… everything YOU bring to the relationship, whether or not you and he ‘click’ and that you’re not doing stuff accidentally that turns men off.
I’ll let you in on something from my reality.
I used to encounter lots of jerks.
These days, I don’t encounter many jerks at all.
That might sound bizarre, but it’s true.
Did humanity magically change?
Or… maybe it was me.
So, who was really the jerk?