Today, I’m going to be talking about emotionally unavailable men. Is it even possible to get an emotionally unavailable man to commit to you?
I know that a lot of women out there are involved with an emotionally unavailable man for any number of reasons.
Maybe he is married or in a relationship and he’s promising that he’ll leave them or divorce them.
Maybe he seems to come and go. Every time it seems like the two of you are getting close, he vanishes on you. Or, maybe he shuts down and doesn’t really talk about his emotions very much.
You might be wondering, is there something that you can do to make an emotionally unavailable man commit to you?
And, my answer is that there probably is something that you could do to get an emotionally unavailable man to commit.
When you apply enough pressure in the right way, you can pretty much get people to do anything, right?
If you get out a gun and say, “Hey, commit to me or else.” He might commit to you, right? Does that mean that you should probably go out of your way to make a man commit? Probably not, and here is why.
An emotionally unavailable man is out of touch with his own emotions and that could take any number of forms.
Maybe he is not willing to be honest about some of his emotions.
Maybe he’s not willing to confront some of them.
Maybe he tries to keep things surface level so he doesn’t have to go deep.
Maybe he has a lot of shallow connections and interaction in relationships because he doesn’t want to go deep with anybody.
Chances are, he’s emotionally unavailable due to any number of reasons. But, the thing is that you shouldn’t bank on him changing for you. You shouldn’t bank on being a wonderful beacon of light that is going to make him change where everyone else has failed.
Am I saying that emotionally unavailable men don’t ever change?
No. People change all the time. People can change in a heartbeat. But you shouldn’t bank on YOU being the one who is going to get him to change. That is going to set you up for frustration and resentment in the long run because maybe you think you’re going to get him to change.
Say he is a little bit tougher to crack than you thought he would be. Then out of frustration you end up saying angrily, “Well, hey, I’m doing all these things to try and get you to change commit to me. What’s going on?”
That frustration is going to cause you to build up resentment and contempt towards him. That’s not good and isn’t going to help you in any way.
You have to accept him the way that he is and the way you found him. If you found him and he was emotionally unavailable, then you have to accept that that’s most likely how he is going to stay.
Could he change? Sure.
Might he change? Absolutely.
But, you don’t want to count on you being the one that changes him.
If there was a guaranteed way to get this emotionally unavailable man to commit, he would most likely STILL be emotionally unavailable.
The question then becomes, do you want to be in a relationship with somebody who is apprehensive about opening up and sharing some of the things he regrets with you, some of the things that he’s afraid of with you, some of the things that he doesn’t want to talk about with you?
Are you OK being in a relationship with somebody who demands perfection from you and would write you off or disqualify you because there was God forbid something about you that he saw as less than perfect?
Do you want to be in a relationship with somebody like that?
Even if there was some way to make an emotionally unavailable guy into an emotionally available guy, would you still want to be in a relationship with that guy?
If there was a way to make him commit to you, would you still want to be in a relationship with him?
I think for most people out there, the answer is really no. Understand that you can’t change him. How you found him is how he is likely to stay.
Now, maybe you can touch base with him later on, a couple of months, maybe a year, two years and see if maybe things are different. You can see if he has finally worked out those mommy or daddy issues. Maybe he has finally let go of the pain of his divorce or that breakup or whatever.
However, I recommend that you accept him the way that he is right now.
Accept that he is emotionally unavailable. If he really is emotionally unavailable, then you have to say, “OK. I probably don’t want to be in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person which means he’s probably not suitable person for me to be pursuing as a relationship partner.”
At that point, you have to just say to him (and yourself):
“Hey, I care about you. I might even love you. But right now, we can’t be in a relationship. Maybe I’ll check in on you later. But, right now for my own sake, I need to create a space in my life so that I can find somebody who does want to commit to me, who will be emotionally available for me and can be there for me the way that I want and need.”
I hope this helped you out. If you’d like to learn more about to meet, date, attract and get commitment from the kinds of awesome, amazing, emotionally available men out there who would love to have a relationship with you, please go ahead and check out my website.
Go ahead and sign up for our newsletter there by telling us a little bit about yourself and where you’re at and what you’re looking for. Then, we’ll send you customized, tailored advice to help you get where you want to go.
Please share your experiences with emotionally unavailable men down in the comments below.
Guys, if you’ve been spying and maybe you have been emotionally unavailable or are currently emotionally unavailable, go ahead and share your experiences with that as well. What is it that kept you from committing? Go ahead and get the conversation started down below.
Until next time, this has been Clay and I will see you next time. Take care.