Today I want to share three words you should never say to a guy if you want to keep him nice and close, particularly in the early stages of dating.
A good friend of mine called me this week and shared a situation that she was in with a guy that she’s currently dating. Something happened early on in the dating phase that got her worried.
As a result of what she said to him, she noticed this guy start to pull away from her and shared he wasn’t sure whether he was ready for a relationship.
Before she said this to him, he was pretty consistent and quite present in the relationship. I’ve seen this happen time and time again and it’s actually happened with me.
The three words that create an instant sense of pressure are, “Don’t hurt me.”
If you are really interested in a man and you’re at the early stages of dating, like the first week to two months of a relationship.
If a guy does something that makes you feel uncomfortable and a little bit unsteady, the last words you want to say to him are anything on along the lines of:
“Don’t hurt me, please don’t hurt me. I was hurt by my last boyfriend really badly, I’m a little bit nervous about dating.”
Saying anything like that can create a sense of pressure.
The reason why this creates a sense of pressure is because the other person instantly feels like they are responsible for your wellbeing and not to hurt you.
At the end of the day, no one is responsible for your heart except you.
We have to look after our own hearts. If we’re with someone who’s not treating us right, then that is up to us to decide whether we want to stay with that person or not.
If someone isn’t treating us well, it’s not a reflection of who we are, our value, worth, or whether we’re good enough.
It can be a reflection of what someone’s going through that at that time.
It can be a reflection of someone’s different values and level of readiness for a relationship.
This is why it’s so important in the early stages of dating not to say things that put pressure on the other person.
People are at different stages, act differently and approach dating and a new relationships in different ways.
So don’t put pressure on a guy and don’t say those words.
In my personal situation, a guy said different specific words, even though the message was similar.
“Nadine, I’m going to have to be careful with you because I feel that you could end this at any time and I need to make it sure that I’m OK.”
When I heard him say that, my first thought was, “Wow, I love that he’s sharing with me and so open.”
At the same time, I had an icky feeling and a sense of crushing pressure because I shivered and thought, “this guy is sensitive and I have to tread very carefully not to hurt him. I’m sensing already that he feels like I’m not on the same page as him.”
A few weeks after that he said:
“It’s pretty obvious that I’m more into you than you’re into me.”
At that stage of dating, I was loving spending time with him!
Yes, I wasn’t sure exactly how I felt, but I knew that I wanted to spend more time with him and I knew that I really liked him.
However, that plus the other comment and another few things that he’d said to me made me think, “Gosh! Maybe I’m not as into him.” and “Oh, maybe it’s a problem.”
It created extra doubt.
Don’t plant seeds of doubt in another person and be mindful of what you share. Sometimes it’s important to process your own fears and insecurities with yourself or with a therapist, always someone that you trust to be objective, because it’s sometimes it’s too premature to put your emotional stuff on someone you barely know.
It’s important to be able to share your feelings with someone, though there are sometimes things that just need to be kept to ourselves and to look after by ourselves.
Want him to open up to you?
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Watch this video I made which describes the #1 secret to getting the love and closeness you want from him.