8 True Reasons Why Guys “Pop Up” Months Later

why guys pop up months later, why guys return after ghosting, why guys come back after disappearing

One of the more puzzling behaviors of the hot blooded male is his sudden disappearance (“ghosting” or “pulling a Houdini”) and subsequent lack of future contact.

Usually his later contact occurs the moment… no the very SECOND… that you’ve finally moved on and really quit thinking about him (I wish there was a way to fake it, but you can’t).

Here are 8 totally frustrating reasons why he randomly texts after months– either a breakup or complete disappearing act.

1. He wants sex.

It’s a basic motivation, but it’s often easier for him to seduce someone he’s already been with than someone new. If he’s bored and wants to get some, you’re a potential possibility, especially if he can feel you out over text message from the comfort of his couch on Sunday night.

2. He had a random brain fart and wondered how you were.

Often his actions aren’t much more premeditated than a simple idle thought about you, then subsequent text message. He might say something funny or make an inside joke that you both shared.

For example, at one point I met this guy named James. In between non-love connection dates, James and I shared American Psycho jokes over text message.

After a short time, he disappeared completely without warning— only to reappear six months later with guess what… an American Psycho inside joke.

It definitely wasn’t a love connection, so my best guess about why he texted after months was that he wanted to see if I would even respond at all and… see reason number 1.

3. He’s looking for an ego boost.

If your breakup was one-sided, say, he knows that you wanted to keep the relationship going but he didn’t, it can simply feel good to reach out to you and remind himself that someone (anyone) cares for him.

This reason is usually subconscious and for sure, unflattering to you, but it’s a really common reason why he’ll text you after months or years of no contact.

4. Something reminded him of you.

You know how some song or smell will randomly remind you of an ex?

This happens to everyone.

Like an itch that needs scratching, something will make him think of you and then all of a sudden, there he is, saying “hey… whats up?” He might also want you back or it could be a total fluke.

Men will also use this an excuse to talk to you after a breakup when they ACTUALLY miss you and want another chance at the relationship.

5. One of his friends asked about you.

Ever been out somewhere with a friend and out of the blue, they ask about your ex? Does this annoy you as much as it does me? It’s like,“gah, I just stopped thinking about him! Thanks so much!” (sarcasm intended).

This also happens with family members, acquaintances you haven’t seen for a while, etc. It’s frustrating because it’s usually after you’ve really made an effort to remove your ex from your life once and for all.

6. He finished dating that other girl who he dumped you for.

This reason why men come back after months and years away truly sucks, but it’s actually pretty common. Whether you had actual unfinished business or not, often a guy will circle back around to a lukewarm relationship after he gave someone else a try and it didn’t work out.

This happens most after a long-term relationship falls apart.

After licking his wounds post-breakup, then doing his “triumphant” victory lap around the singles scene, it turns out to not be as glamorous as he had hoped. Once he realizes that “sowing his oats” wasn’t everything it was cracked up to be, he comes crawling back hoping for an ego boost or potential reconciliation.

7. You are suddenly a challenge.

This is particularly likely if you’ve gone no contact with him or have been ignoring his communication. Like a puzzle waiting to be solved, if you have gone dark on him, he will want to break down your wall and see if he can get a response.

A sign your ex is teasing you is if he communicates with you, you respond, and he drops the communication completely all of a sudden. It’s frustrating and enough to drive you crazy wondering WTF.

Another common time this happens is if you happened to be a little bit clingy during or after the breakup. Once you go completely no contact and go to great strides to forget about him, he wonders why, feels challenged and *poof* there he is again.

8. He genuinely wants you in his life.

If you want him back too… reuniting with him can be in your future. There are other signs your ex still loves you, like remorse, wanting to discuss the breakup, and making an effort to get back in your good graces.

The concept that he might genuinely want you in his life is last on the list for a reason, it’s the most tricky.

A guy genuinely deciding that mistakes were made and coming back involves a real leap of faith on his part. If your relationship ended badly, he might have felt afraid to contact you up until this point.

Men are more sensitive than women– even though they will never, ever admit it.

Keep in mind that no matter why he came back months later, it’s best to take a wait and see approach with him– especially if you liked him the first time around. Love isn’t lying around everywhere, so I urge you to at least hear him out.

Also, let me ask you.

Does this kind of frustrating nonsense keep happening to you?

  • THAT guy (you know, the one who rocks you world and you miss like crazy) only reaches out to you once a month or less…
  • You aren’t sure what to do even though you actually want to talk to him.
  • He randomly texts you after months (or years) away.
  • Guys seem to only want sex, but you KNOW he really liked you.
  • He ignored you for a month and now wants to talk. THEN ghosts afterward.

Then we have to talk about love blocks.

Love blocks are sneaky mindsets that are getting in your way of manifesting the kind of devoted, close relationship you want and deserve.

..And, usually love blocks are behind why guys get flaky, pull away and then act hot and cold with you.

If you want to FINALLY stop the “he loves me” “he loves me not” cycle, then save your seat for my free masterclass, The 7 Blocks to Manifesting Love. Get to the bottom of why men pull away, ghost and generally drive you crazy.

Get started here now.

Has your guy come back months later? Tell me your thoughts in the comment section below.

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70 thoughts on “8 True Reasons Why Guys “Pop Up” Months Later”

  1. Avatar

    I feel like the no contact period is absolutely ESSENTIAL in gaining any REAL perspective on WHY your ex broke up your LTR or marriage (in my case-10 years!) after having been through what goes down in history as the WORST breakup of my entire life.

    If and truly IF you EVER have a shot at getting your ex back, OR simply FINDING OUT WHY he did what he did you need MONTHS (NOT weeks…or A Month) MONTHS of no contact! They will NOT forget about you. YOU will make your value increase over ANY OTHER parter or potential partner your ex may, or may HAVE HAD In the time you’ve gone completely no contact and served him or her with SHEER RADIO SILENCE.

    They will be curious– anger or any other negative feelings toward you will be banished and your ex will be forced to reflect on his time away from you, and I will ALMOST GUARANTEE miss you, and get into some sort of contact. But you MUST BE SILENT. IT IS KEY. Definitely don’t answer calls or texts, Don’t look at his, or his new current lovers (or recently broken up with lovers’) social media. Stay completely AWAY and WORK ON YOUR LIFE as hard as it sounds…YOU MUST DO IT.

    In my specific case, one day, seemingly out of the blue, MY EX of 10 YEARS broke up with me and kicked me out of our home of 8 years that we shared (for a girl 22 years younger than we are) and appeared to never even LOOK BACK.

    We were connected at the hip for about 11 years prior to the breakup, including one year of the “getting to know you” phase. Before we even started dating, until he met said WAITRESS at a diner he frequents in our small town, and the rest was history. Or so I thought.

    Until now.

    When he recently contacted me, owning almost ALL of the breakup which he blamed all on ME at the actual real TIME of breaking up and throwing me out for this girl (6 months prior to the current time he contacted me for the first time)…. ALL BUT one small minuscule part…that is, the fact that he broke up with me because he was infatuated with this WAITRESS he JUST MET, and “fell in love” and wanted to ” marry her, have children, and spend the rest of his life with her, seemingly overnight, and couldn’t rush ME out of his life fast enough…so sadly I did something seemingly counterintuitive at the time and VERY difficult to do…

    I LET. HIM. GO.

    You MUST let them go without begging or pleading, because see, if you beg and plead when he is in an infatuation period with another woman, it only makes you look desperate, clingy, and needy. And there is ZERO attractive about ANY of those things. TRUST ME, IT WORKS.

    NO CONTACT ALWAYS WINS for both of you in the END. Because not only do you focus on yourself– something chances are, you were NOT doing during the later months or years of the relationship with them… Which in turn, decreased your attractiveness and turned him toward another or outward toward attempting to attract someone else. Then he will realize that it is HE who did YOU wrong by leaving you…AND EVENTUALLY will come back, and when he does, you have worked on and improved yourself so much without him in your life, that you are again the very person he was attracted to in the beginning of your first relationship…wiTh HIM.

    Then he has no choice but to see that and knowing that you can either move on, if you are deeply hurt like I was about him jumping into something so fast with someone else..OR you can reconcile. But that will be up to one person at the end of no contact. And that person is YOU. THIS IS IF HE BROKE UP WITH YOU.

    1. Avatar

      This is so informative! My ex ghosted me..but I’ll admit, I made the mistake of begging. It’s been about 9 months of zero contact and I’m starting to think that I ruined my chances of hearing from him again by begging…

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        I think begging for someone to talk to you is a normal response when they have just dropped off the face of the earth. For one thing you just want to make sure they’re ok! So don’t beat yourself up about it.

        Honestly the best thing you can do is get yourself engaged in something else you’re into. A hobby, book, tv show. Work on you and don’t worry about him because even if he does contact you it might not be for the reason you want. (As in my case a guy ghosted me, contacted me after a year and apologized, then promptly asked if I want to be f*ck buddies- kid you not.)

        So yeah, even if they come back it could just be cause they want some.

    2. Avatar

      My ex of 32 years started cheating in our relationship a few months before he got up and left to live with a woman younger than him. I did the no contact rule for about a month that was until he was desperately trying to reach me and I did the mistake of answering. He apologized the first day and said he wanted to work things out but still being with the other woman, I didn’t accept of course. He called me and texted me every day but the texts he would send me seem to be coming with anger and threats because I wasn’t on board with him on working things out. I finally blocked him again. He then reached out to my older son and came by the house to talk, again I made the mistake of talking to him. Nothing new was said other than to give him a chance to fix things between us. Once again some of the text he sent me were always lies and lies and always putting me down. He lives with this other woman and I know about it but he would always lie about always be out of down working when I knew it was all lies. He said he would be back home soon and that he loved me and misses me but I already knew they were all lies. He tries to control me even though he’s not with me, he accused me of being with someone when it wasn’t true. I finally got tired of everything about him and finally blocked him out. No calls no texts. How much more pain can you put someone through after you betrayed someone. I’m sticking with the no contact rule whether this man ever comes back or not. I have 3 adult children with him and he blames me for not having a relationship with him. A question do you think this man will ever come back into my life after being away for 4 months now and applying the no contact rule? We met at 14yrs and now both of us 45yrs

  2. Avatar

    Brianna you are so on point!!!

    I went through something similar with my ex who I was deeply in love with except we were together for 6 months. He broke up with me in a text, it was horrible and traumatic for me. His reason was he was not ready for a serious relationship after being newly clean and sober. We never fought and for the most part got along really well. I was also close with his family. I never texted, begged or pleaded after the break up.

    I did write him a closure letter after 7 months of no contact and he replied apologizing for the way he ended it. We wished each other well and that was it. I contacted him again this past April to let him know that he gave me HPV! ???? He was extremely apologetic and had no idea he had it, he thanked me for letting him know, that was 9 months ago and absolutely no contact since then.

    Just recently he started following me on Instagram! I followed him back a couple of days later but so far he hasn’t texted. Everything you said really makes sense and I do still love him so I’m open to possibly reconciling if that presents itself but only if he’s ready and has matured. Thanks for your post it really helped???? Jennifer

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      This is honestly crazy to me kinda went through the same thing.. I was with this guy for about 6 months He also had the same issue and a lot more with himself. He was never very opened up about his feelings and nor was I but he has been through a lot and I can’t just push things out of someone if they don’t want to talk about it then again you should be able to be open with the one you love though it is very hard I know from a lifetime of experience.. but the whole brake up started.. He broke up with me because he felt like he was dragging me along and didn’t want to pull me down which he was in a sense because he started being distant towards me because he was going through so much then again that’s never an excuse. it took him over a month to get back in contact with me again and he did it off of via message it took me a while to look this over if I really wanted to reply.. but I replied he did sound very sincere and apologetic for his actions of how he ended things but a text never means shit so I told him to call me after I got out of school so I could here it in his voice if he was really sorry.. I didn’t want to here sorry I just wanted answers I just wanted to know why it ended so fast and so easily if I even meant anything to him why he thought he wasn’t good enough for me and thinking he was a piece of shit when all I saw was a perfect being with potential to grow into a better person.. He explained himself and things went well but I wasn’t just going to take him back it’s not that easy especially after breaking things off with me.. I miss him and I love him and he does as well but if anyone reads this, if there’s one thing I know it’s that if you love someone who broke your heart and you want to give it a go again it takes time to rebuild that trust and love again.. you have to make sure your content with yourself and make sure they are as well too if they aren’t doing well emotionally or whatever it might be, you shouldn’t run back in their life you will only risk getting hurt again, They have to do that on there own. Of course you can support them, be there for them ect.. but by the end of the night you really only got yourself in this world and you have to make sure if you really want this then fight for it if you are the only one putting forth effort and the other person isn’t doing a damn thing then you shouldn’t waste your time on someone like that.. Actions speak louder than words like my ex said.. It defiantly takes time and you can’t rush something you have to focus on your life and take things at a slow pace time heals…

  3. Avatar

    Two years off and on
    Everyone could feel,see the energy between us. I’m older he younger, he just broke it off. I moved on….then I settled the past with a letter. He show up the next day after 9 months. We spoke about our feelings, and said one day at a time. I am so nervous will be leave again. He came back saying sorry he don’t know why he did. Moving slow

    1. Avatar

      Hi Alice,

      Hang in there! Just take it super slow like you have been. That’s a great instinct. And, like I just said to Mikayla down below, make him really work for your attention.

      Rooting for you!

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      Hi, can I ask how many times you broke up before and how soon he would come back, I have just broke up with my partner of 2 years, he left me because his mum doesn’t accept any girlfriend he has ever had, his so depressed but so scared to upset her! He came back saying he missed me so much and wished we could be together, but his anxiety of his mum finding out got the better of him and he left again saying “you never know what the future holds” do you think he will come back ?

  4. Avatar

    I need a little help here. My situation seems similar to everyone’s here but I’ve never been so confused in my life. I met this guy I was set up with. There was instant attraction and we were very similar. We started talking and a month later he asked me to be his girlfriend. Keep in mind that I was his first serious girlfriend at 22 years old. He wasn’t in it for the sex because trust me, there was none. 6 amazing months of love later he mentions something about being single. I asked him why and he says he doesn’t know why but he loves me so much that he doesn’t want to give me up. The next morning I told him I could see myself marrying him. 2 days later he ends the relationship and all he told me was that he just felt like he needed to be single. 2 weeks of extreme pain went by and I always felt the need for closure but it was always the same “I just need to be single right now”. Bullshit right? After 6 months of you telling me you love me and overnight you’re just done with me? Well he called me on Valentine’s Day but I wasn’t by my phone so he texted me Happy Valentine’s Day. I just sent him back a ? Because literally wtf. I told him he can’t do that. 3 months of not contact he likes a picture I’m tagged in. A week later his parents like a picture I posted. What is going on? I’m trying to move on with my life but everywhere I turn he’s there. I still love him but I’m still confused why he wouldn’t want me. I’ll be honest. I know I’m an amazing girlfriend and his friends told him all the time not to screw it up, as well as his mother. I’m respectful of myself and others and I care for others so much. But seriously? If you’re gonna dump me there’s obviously something wrong with you. Please help me try to make sense of this so I can move on

    1. Avatar

      Hi Mikayla,

      I love your self confidence. Please, please, PLEASE don’t let anything take away from that. Self love like that will get you an incredible relationship in the future.

      Now for my breakup advice:

      As frustrating and painful as it is, what you’re describing is really typical male breakup behavior. They get emotionally overwhelmed and dump women who were “the perfect girlfriend” all the time.

      The reason I put it in quotes is that the better partner you were, the more likely that someone with a self esteem issue can’t accept that you would be interested in them. Their own low self esteem makes them suspicious and doubting. Since they aren’t certain they deserve you, they have to do something to screw it up. So they find a way to sabotage the whole thing, let you go and then sorely regret it later.

      Then they miss you and won’t leave you alone. It’s totally textbook.

      So, it’s up to you to decide what you want. If you want him, then allow him to pursue you and really make him work at getting your attention. And I mean, WORK. He has to, otherwise he won’t believe that he deserves you and he’ll keep taking you for granted.

      If you don’t want him at all, then tell him he doesn’t have a chance and cut off all contact (and really do it).

      I hope that helps. Please update us on what you decide to do!

      1. Avatar

        I’m sorry but you just described it as typical male behavior, as my previous two ex’s broke up with me for the exact same reason and they were female. I’ve been reading a lot on this type of both gender behavior and realized that it isn’t the gender but the nature of the person. Sometimes people just can’t handle the stress of everyday life as relationships are a separate, yet large part of our lives. Sometimes we’re just not compatible and sometimes when we (Just know we are) the best that we can be for our SO, which are the most trying times, even if we don’t get closure, we just need to tell ourselves that we were the best person we could be for that person and if you truly believe that then let them go for now, as that is what makes us truly great and they will always remember that. As long as you stay strong I firmly believe they will return and the ball will now be in your court.

        1. Avatar

          It was good to hear from a man as with most of these poss women always chime in in an uneven number I don’t particularly like or want to hear a woman’s side or her story I want to hear the side of the man.

  5. Avatar

    I’m 18 years old and I’ve basically known this guy for 4 years now. We used to talk every minute of everyday up until he got himself a girlfriend around this time last year. His girlfriend moved to Australia in November for a year and so I thought that things would get better when this happened, it did for a while but not for long. Two weeks after she left, we spoke every 2-3 days and ever since the middle of January, it’s only been once every two weeks.
    I’ve been getting so depressed and confused as he doesn’t give me a valid reason as to why he’s doing this. Apparently he’s ‘stressed with work’ but I don’t really believe that. Over the past two weeks, he’s been online on his Xbox as soon as he gets home from work and recently he’s been liking tweets everyday. He will look at my what’s app statuses but doesn’t even message me? He even sent me a message back in October to never leave him and I look back now and I’m like what the hell?!
    I don’t want to get him out of my life by blocking him out of it despite what has been going on and what he’s done to me. I have that little bit of stupid hope saying that he may come back back to how he used to be but I know that it’s probably going to be unlikely. And as this has been going on for 4 months now, will things ever change to how they used to be? I have no idea.
    We’ve both hurt each other and I’m surprised that he hasn’t blocked me. I just wish that I knew why he’s like this as he doesn’t give me any valid reason and he always comes back to me.

    1. Avatar

      Hi Tjay,

      Thanks for your comment. That is frustrating for sure. But rather than write him off completely or block him, why not just date a few other guys at the same time as you’re hoping this one comes around. Because, if he does decide he wants to date you, it will be all in his own time.

      That being said, I completely understand how frustrating it is when guys say and do things that don’t line up.

      1. Avatar

        Yeah that is a good idea but because he lives so far away it can be difficult in terms of dating him. We had no problem whatsoever contacting through and by phone but yeah that’s true. It’s just being patient which is difficult but I’m gonna have to carry on and hope for the best! Hopefully things will work out in the end despite everything that’s gone on! Thanks for your response!

  6. Avatar

    Help Please. I was with my boyfriend for three months and then he broke up with me. We are both 40. The relationship was great. He always mad me feel loved and I did my best to make him feel the same way. He constantly told me he’d never been as happy with anyone. He also told me he loved me and he was not going anywhere. On our first date he asked me what I wanted for the future and I told him marriage and hopefully 1 child. He’s divorced and has two sons. He told me he never wanted to get married again but he’s open to the possibility. We talked every day. A week before he broke up with me he introduced me to his sons. He told me they had never met anyone he dated before. Our last night together I made him dinner. We had a random conversation about a birth control commercial on TV. I teasingly told him that after I had our child he was getting snipped. He flipped out and responded he’s never getting married again and he’s not having anymore children. I asked him where was this coming from. He told me I should just be focused on getting to know him at this stage and not pressuring him for marriage and a child. I was completely confused. The two or three times we spoke about marriage was when he brought it up. He was the one who told me he loved me. He was the one that introduced me to his children. He was the one who told me we are both 40 and know what we want and he said he wanted a future with me. He said he wasn’t going anywhere. He even asked me if I would move with him if he had to move for work. At that point I was confused and just asked him what are we doing and what does he want. He just looked at me and said he loves me. I told him I’m confused and need space to think about us. He just looked at me. I told him I should leave. I explained I wasn’t leaving because I want to break up I just need to process what happened. He then told me I have a plan to get married and he’s never getting married so I should go find someone that will give me what I want and its over between us. None of that made any sense to me. I thought maybe he was having a bad night or was upset about something else. I gave it a couple days then I called and asked if he was sure he wanted to breakup with me. He told me he loves, admires and respects me more than anyone but we should stay broken up because I want to get married, my religion isn’t important enough to me and he’s right wing conservative and my friends and family wont accept that. I asked him where was this coming from we’re both Catholic and I’m 40. I don’t care if my friends or family disagree with his politics. He told me he did not have to justify his reasons to me and hung up. I sent him a text. I told him i love him and I can accept him for who he is but I can not force him to want us. I told him I’m sorry he’s too afraid or hurt to allow himself to be happy with me because he’s a good person and deserves to be happy. Three months later I still haven’t heard from him. The worst part is we met at work and are still working on a project together so I sometimes see him or have to email him for work. I make sure to only mention project details in my emails or when we see each other. The issue is I saw him at a meeting last week. In the meeting he jokingly told our group that no one loves him, he set next to me and he wore a pair of pants that I bought him. One of my co workers noticed that he was checking me out. I immediately decided he wants me back and i’ll be hearing from him soo. Am I reading too much into his actions at our last meeting.

    1. Avatar

      It sounds like a little of both. You’re probably reading too much into it AND there’s probably the potential for him to decide he made a mistake.

      It sounds like there’s definitely potential that he may want to revisit things down the road. Sometimes people have to realize you’re gone to really understand that they need you in their life. That being said, what he wants is his business and you can’t be held hostage by his whims, so all you can do about it is go out and date others and enjoy yourself.

      It’s easy for us to judge people who leave us under baffling circumstances as being fools who couldn’t appreciate something good, but when people aren’t used to good relationships, they sabotage them because good is not what they expect and not what they’re used to. That’s why the only thing you can do is let him realize the gravity of his choice by continuing to maintain the great boundaries you already have been.

  7. Avatar

    Girls, I am completely ruined as a person. i married the love of my life 7 months ago and everything seemed so perfect…up until 16 April this year. He woke up, kissed me good morning, cried and told me his feelings for me have changed. He cried for 2 days and promised he will make it work. on the third day he stopped, moved out to the spare room and every time I cried and begged he said he will never come back again. We carried on living together up until last Sunday when I rooted through his phone and found messages from another woman. He swore and even messaged her asking to tell me how long they have been messaging for and she said 2 weeks, meaning after the break up. He had known of her for a while but never did a anything. He calls her a sex buddy but spills his soul out to her too. He said he has been unhappy and felt that he lived a life where he was ticking boxes and he feels his life has gone too fast and he had to slow down. I was having depression and whilst he had anxiety and he believes is because he wasn’t sure about his feelings, but there was a lot more going on at the same time too. we truly were happy and I have him all the freedom in the world but he still felt trapped and scared of the marriage. I wanted a kid and we startes trying in Jan. I left, I don’t know what to do with myself and where to go to. I dont feel guilty of anything and I didn’t know that in his head he was trying to fix the relationship. The truth is that I love him, more than I have ever loved. I am afraid of the new girl, I am afraid that due to his stubbornness he will never come back, I’ve lost half of my heart.He has been in touch since, we even had to share a room during a company conference. He treated me so well the whole night, up until hugged me in the bed and 2 min later kicked me out. I want my hapiness and my true love back

    1. Avatar

      Hi Becky,

      Thanks for your comment. I’m sorry you’re going through such heartbreak.

      Now, let’s talk about this situation. First, at least you didn’t get pregnant with him right now– you have dodged a bullet. I know you’re not ready to hear this right now but eventually you will look back on this and realize that you are so lucky he did this now rather than 10 years after you had been married to him.

      Now. I want you to file for divorce. I know you don’t want to do this either, but you need to look into filing and do it soon before he gets someone else pregnant or does something irreparable that will make it harder to divorce him.

      Divorce is not the end of the world at all, and if you are meant to be, the relationship will work out in the end. But filing legally will start to protect you and avoiding getting a divorce will not avoid him leaving you.

      Next, be as polite to him as you can be and don’t do any serious talk about the relationship anymore. Just go about your business. He needs to see the consequences of his actions and he can’t do this if he is fighting with you.

      I wish you the absolute very best. Lean on your friends and family. You are not alone and you will be okay.

  8. Avatar

    Used to talk to a guy a few months ago until he got a gf. He came back a couple of months ago wanting to talk again.. we Would text on a daily basis and spent a few weekends together, met his friends and had a good time. Past couple of weeks he’s been really distant. I don’t try and talk to him since he hadn’t initiated anything with me. Yesterday after not talking for 4 days he sends me happy Mother’s Day. I just said thank you. He’s a couple years younger than me.. think he still has some growing up to do.. what’s your best advice?

    1. Avatar

      Thanks for your comment, Kayla.

      In the grand scheme of things, 4 days is really, REALLY short. Don’t worry about how long it takes him to circle back around, since he seems to continue to do that.

      I’d let him just initiate things like you have been and see if he eventually wants to go out or meet up or take you on a date. Make sure you’re dating at least 2 others as well as him and let him do his thing.

  9. Avatar

    Had a relationship for 8 years out of nowhere he just stopped calling and spending the night.6 months later he shows up but I was unable to see him. Family​ stated she’s sleep.Now why is he coming back I’m confused and curious.Any thoughts?

    1. Avatar

      Hi Cheryl,

      He’s probably back because he misses what you and what you shared. It sounds like he left rather hastily in the first place. From your comment it sounds like you haven’t really spoken to him– but if you decide to, it makes sense that you would ask what happened. I’d prepare for no real solid answers. Other than that, I’d just wait and see what he does, unless you’re completely over him and want him to go away for good.

      Keep us updated on what happens!

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    Hello my story is a Lil different we mutually decided to go our separate ways but be friends. Well a few days later I find out he’s all of a sudden in such a happy relationship from fb. We aren’t friends either on fb. I’ve asked him about it numerous amount of times he denies it… He still called and textEd everyday but I finally made my mind up. I can’t be his friend because I still love him. I figured friends would be there for one another. He talks to me when he wants to help barely responds when I reach out… I guess my next step is to block him… Am I going about it wrong or should I tell him I can’t be his friend.

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      Hi Kita,

      Since it sounds like you already made your decision about not having him in your life, it doesn’t really matter what you do. Telling him you can’t be his friend is one way to handle it, ghosting is another. Is your real question about wanting a BETTER friendship with him and not being able to get that, so then you want to confront him with the underlying intention of wanting him to actually do a better job at friendship?

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    I’m dating this guy for a few months already. At first he was so keen about me and shows he’s interested. Though we are not exclusive as he seem not ready for a serious relationship because for some reasons: (1) He is 5 years younger than me (I’m 34) and (2) He owns 2 companies and he is the concurrent COO of both. The last time we spent time together in all fairness he told me he has been too busy and stress on his work. He travels abroad frequently on business, and that I tried to be understanding and chose to remain. Besides I have no right to demand, right? To cut the story short, after that last meeting we had, he went on a trip again which he told me about. After a week he of no communication, he sent me a link to an article entitled “Marry the good guys and the nerds” an interview of Facebook’s exec Sheryl Sanders. I didn’t open the link immediately but when I opened it after a day I only responded like “Are you one of the good guys?” and he seenzoned me. After that I have not heard of him anymore and its been a month now. A day before his birthday last 30th of May, he reacted on one of my post on Facebook but I tried to ignore it. I am actually practicing the “no contact” rule to see if he ever exerts an effort to get in touch with me again. On his birthday, I can’t help but send him a birthday greeting but I wasn’t expecting for his reply though, and yes he did not reply. He has not opened my message yet but duh? I know he knows I sent him a message but WTF? I am upset of what he is doing/treating me but still I am giving him the benefit of the doubt plus I am moving on and just see if he still reaches out to me. I don’t want to contact and ask him what he is up to coz I don’t want to sound needy and yes, I am a woman with value and so I want him to realize that. It does not bother me that much but honestly, I miss him. And I still think he has the potential to be my boyfriend. I just don’t know how long will I wait for him to come back. Or is he worth waiting? What’s with these guys?

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    My boyfriend of 7 years did the same. We are 23 and will be 24 very soon and he just broke up with me saying he got bored with always hanging out with me, even though he says I’m not boring, and just said that he wanted to try new things and new adventures that aren’t exactly sexual. he said that we are really young still and wants to do things that young people do. We’ve done this before when we were 18 freshman yr in college and broke up to experience that life. I m just curious to if he will come back. Undoubtly I believe that we have in fact true love and that maybe all this time that we spent together makes him want to feel free at 23. I am surprisingly liking the single thing for the moment so that I can get to know my grown up self on my own and not just know how to love a man and make money. I guess Im asking will he come back. He says he doesn’t see a future with me right now and that he also won’t be in any other relationships. I feel like we’ve been here done that I guess I just need clarification since he is the love of my life and I believe that I am his as well.

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    Hi pls my case is worse
    Met this guy in Facebook..after a while of talking and he told he had a gf in Dubai but it wasn’t serious cos she’s a Muslim and he can’t marry a Muslim girl..along the line I got attracted to him..he asked me out and I

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    Started dating this guy back in November up until April of this year, so a total of five months. We both sort of knew one another, would only see each other in passing and somehow became FB friends. He would randomly send direct messages on my birthday or to compliment my beauty or to place an order (I am a treat artist), but I just say thanks and brush it off. We crossed paths in a shopping mall and he messaged me later that evening to let me know that he saw me, but was afraid to speak. We chatted for a while and ended with a goodnight. He was on my mind for the next couple of weeks, so I reached out to speak, which resulted in him asking me out on a date. We went on our first date, he was such a gentleman, followed by a few more dates and getting to know each other. I knew his ex (attended the same college, but were not friends or associates) and he stated that they had been apart for over a year and had both moved on. I believed it because he had deleted all of their memories from social media, so decided to give him a try. I had been single for over 3 years and celibate for almost 2 before he came into the picture and he was chivalrous (asked me on a date), so I decided he may be worth a shot. First off, I realized that he was a “gift giver.” The only child, he was spoiled and maybe that’s how his parents treated him. He shared with me that ALL of his past girlfriends never fully appreciated all that he did. I listened to him sincerely and thought that I WAS going to give him a different experience. We got along really well initially; spent lots of time together, he was adamant about me meeting his family and vice versa, said “I love you” first, gave me access to his credit cards, even asked me to move-in with him (late January). He would get upset when I would tell him that I didn’t want him buying me things all of the times he offered (I was not in it for the materials, I had really started to like him for who he was). He would say that he never had women who cared enough to say no or rejected his gifts. I had to explain that I wasn’t rejecting him, I was just showing him that he was all that I was interested in. We hit it off with each other’s families and things were going really well. He stayed out a few times when he hung out with his friends which kind of upset me and we talked about it, but it was a red flag. Also, I asked him could I pray for him one night and he rejected it, another thing that did not sit well with me. He was on his way to a new city for three weeks for training for a new job that he had just accepted and that was my way of wishing him well and I wanted him to know that I was his number one fan. I am big on faith and my walk with God, so I am a praying woman who just wanted to ask God to keep her man covered while he went through this training. Mid February, I posted a picture of us on FB and he seemed upset. Basically saying that he doesn’t want his business over the internet and also stated that he ex called him about the picture. He claimed that he didn’t explain anything to her, that he told her that we were together. Anyway, this situation put friction between us which led to other small arguments which was ongoing for about a month. I had finally had enough of the fighting and asked him to dinner. He stated that he was tired of arguing and fighting, that he wanted to work on us and that he still loved and wanted to be with me. A week later, I walk into a restaurant to retrieve a to-go order and there he is sitting with this exact same ex. He did not have any explanation, did not apologize and probably ended up leaving the restaurant with her because after I approached him and asked her what was going on and not getting any answers, I left to avoid getting into an altercation. He ended up blocking me on all social media and his phones, but proceeded to contact me a couple of times like nothing ever happened. I asked what kind of games was he playing and he responded that he wanted to be done. Called a month later out of the blue to say that I had been on his mind for days and that he wanted to check on me and again about a week ago at 2 AM. I have recently blocked him as he has done me, so the call went to my blocked list (I still received the notification). I fell in love with this guy, stayed in prayer about the relationship, always reciprocated him, treated his family like mine, and introduced him to new ways of spending his time versus spending money like he loves to do. I cannot understand why after 3 mos of very minimal to no contact from him my heart is still longing for this situation and I still want to be with him after he has hurt me to the core and if he ghosted me and truly started back communicating with his ex, why is still calling me? I am praying for his growth and my heart’s restoration and strength, but I am still hurt and confused by this.

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      Casey. You are a truly good woman, and don’t deserve the hurt you have suffered. Like you said…He is spoiled, and that means he wants everything he sees. Mentally this guy is still a child. Move on and remember you are worth a lot more than a kid who wants two lollipops.

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    I met this amazing guy in November 2015. The minute I saw him, I knew he was the one. We clicked right from the first second. We were 100% compatible, he liked what I liked and hated what I hated, we shared the same interests, he wanted everything I wanted out of life and didn’t want what I never wanted. We understood each other without talking, finished each other’s sentences. The second I though of picking up the phone to text him, I receive a text from him. Same with calls. He was my entire world for almost a year and a half, and in return, I was his. He put me above all else and treated me like I was the sun and his whole world revolves around me, and I treated him like a king. I swear if he said ”cut off your arms”, I would have answered ”which one, sweetheart?”. He gave me everything a girl would ever wish for without asking. We talked for hours everyday and we never ran out of things to say. He shared his whole past and present with me. Let me in his soul, told me his secrets and fears and dreams. I knew every little thing that ever happened or was happening in his life. We hanged out like lovers who are insanely in love –which we were- and played like children -actually played- and laughed like best friends and flirted shyly and sometimes shameleslly like teenagers. He took me to the most romantic dates and bought me the most expensive gifts. I used to tell him ”He was created just for me and I for him”. It was too good to be true, a fairy tale. We never fought, not once, in 18 months!
    He never directly proposed but he talked about when we get married A LOT, and he continually tested the water, but I wasn’t ready so he took it slow. But we made a lot of future plans together.
    Anyway, on 7th of April 2017, I was 2 days late. I bought a pregnancy test and boom, 2 pink lines. I told him, he said we use protection and there must be a mistake –we were both agreeing children are not in our future– he asked me to do a blood test. I did, and it confirmed the pregnancy. On 11th of April, I called him at work and I was frantic, hysterical and got all crazy on him. He was distant and harsh, yelling me -for the first time ever- to calm down and that I am acting like the sky has fallen, then he told me to just make an appointement with a dr. to abort, I told him I need him with me. He said he had to go and that he’ll call when he gets off work. Of course, he never did. Till this moment. He also deleted his email and de-activated his phone number. He moved from where he lived and when I went to him at work, they told me he left his job!
    It was as if he never existed. I just can’t wrap my head around it, because I am not a fool, I know for a fact he cared for me and he never wanted to lose me. I know what I felt. So what happened? and how can he just toss me aside like trash like that? A lot of questions has been driving me crazy. I took a huge hit to my self esteem, and I questioned my judgment. I was devasted for months, but now I decided I freaked out and he did too. He had to shut off and detach from the situation. He made a mistake and then everything was ruined and no matter what, he will always be too prideful to ever think of coming back again. And even if he did, I spent more than 2 months alone and scared and broken and crying myself to sleep. I lost about 8 Kgs in less than 3 months. I thought my life was over and I did toy with the idea of putting an end to it. I loved him and I still do, more than anything in the world, but he walked out on me when I needed him the most. He treated me like trash. I deserve better, I know that, and I am already dating again -it’s awful cause I can’t stop comparing and I know no one will ever measure up or even remotely come close-. But that doesn’t stop me sometimes of hoping, that maybe, just maybe one day, someday, he will wake up and it will hit him. That he made the biggest mistake of his life, that he let the love of his life pass him by and that he’ll call me again. But deep down I know, he probably don’t even have my number anymore. He severed all the ties, so that he never be tempted. He doesn’t know his way back. and maybe that’s for the best.

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      never have sex with a guy until you are married cos if a baby is on board both of your lives are on a constant change no matter how much you love him or he loves you, nothing to do with sex. And also never use sex to get the man. nobody is kid here . if he really loved you he wud have married you taken responsibility of you and even if he dont love you he still have taken responsibility for you . Dont be blind in feelings of love.

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      This man will be 70 years old before he ever realizes he lost the love of his life. In the meantime he will treat all the new woman like crap because of what he did to you and got away with.

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    Any suggestions:
    Started out 24 years ago we became friends grade school. Has always through the years tried to date me. I wouldn’t ever give in. So almost 5 years ago I finally gave in. We talked about what we both wanted and he knew I had already had a child. He was 8 at the time. He wanted a family wanted to be with me wanted to finally have the perfect woman. I have known his family this whole time. About 3 months into the relationship I’m finally allowed to be around family but still not attend friend outings due to recent breakup with ex. So Christmas hits. He tells me that he’s the luckiest man alive and wants to already put a ring on my finger. 2 days after x-mas he breaks up with me. What?! Says he jumped in to quick and didn’t know what he wanted. Went out of town for New Years. A couple weeks after New Years he texts me and I text back. We end up back together. A month goes by and I see a post on his fb pg that says “had such a great time can’t wait for u to come back. Miss ya” I instantly got upset. He said it was a friends party that he went to in New Years and she was a friend. Ok I dropped it. So he has a hobby that he leaves for the weekend. I was invited prob 30% of the time the other times he just went with his family. Then I would hear stories and just down right rude things that I would se on fb. I would complain but oh well I wanted to be with him cuz he says he loves me more than ever. And I’m the best for him. He is a difficult person to be with he admits that. Remember i have known him so I know how he is. So on and off he breaks up with me to go to parties, his hobby, guys weekends. I put up with all that if he didn’t just start a fight and ignore me for the weekend.
    About a year after we were dating him his ex gets enguaged. He finds out starts a fight with me the next day emails her telling her he loves her and how he was gonna marry her and propose to her. We def broke up after that. Couple months go by he texts me he sorry and loves me and didn’t know why he emailed her cuz he loves me. So confusing. Started dating again. We go good for a while after that then he has a hobby weekend, I’m not going with had something I had to do at home. Then I see pic of him and another chick on Snapchat. I get upset we argue things are ok. We’re good for about a year or so. Broke up this last November didn’t talk for a couple months started talking again. Things went back to normal. I was going over there to see him every night again, we never lived together. I would stay sometimes on the weekend. But I always made the effort to see him.
    He came back end of April. I had somewhat moved on since November. Still didn’t want anyone I loved him he was gonna be my last. I’ll just wait for him to grow up and come back to me. Since he has wanted me for 24 years ya know. I had a friends sitting in my porch talking and he pulls in unannounced. I ask him what he doing had a few words and he left. Called me 27x from a blocked number since he was blocked from my phone. Followed me 30 min away from my house cuz I was in a truck. Had other people intersecting with us while driving. Went nuts. Came to my house at 1130 at night I finally talk to him. The next two weeks wonderful. However I can’t be around his family for idk why but my family hates him. He has broke me down to many times weeks of crying and not eating. After those two weeks he was occupied with plans for 5 weekends. Family things. Did ask me to go but how. How can I. So we broke up a couple weeks ago I recently talked to him on the phone. Said he doesn’t know where this went wrong but he loves me and only wants me and wanted me to come over and stay. It was 3 in the morning. I told him maybe tomorrow he begged and pleaded. I didn’t give in. Next day I give in. Go over
    Found out he wanted some a** he fell asleep cuddling me I went home after a while next day I told him I can’t just be a stress reliever or chalk it up as a good time. I have feelings. I love you and I stated my case for 1/2 the morning. Next day went to a parade not asking me or my son. And someone came in to where I work and showed me pics of him and another girl. Then a day after there was another pic that surfaced of him and her. I flipped out he said se was just a friend like I have guy friends. She’s only a friend. Only 13 years younger than him. I don’t see my guy friends when we’re together out of respect for him. I’m lost, broken, anxious, I cry constantly over it. Feel like I can’t live. How can someone Want someone for 20 years get them tells them she is the only one he loves or will ever want and then be intimately and the 2 days later selfies with someone else? He always told me I will be the last for him he loves me so much and has for all those years. I love him with all my heart. We have always got back together.

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    I was ghosted four months ago – and unfriended on Facebook – what I consider “Part Two” of ghosting. So rude! At least he responded to my text when I asked what I might have done wrong. He said he needed space – typical guy comment. I respected his need for space and never contacted him after that. I maintained ex-girlfriend compliance by not communicating with him again. Four months later…on a Friday…at 5:30pm, he sends a random text asking “Hey, how’s it going?” I waited about an hour before responding with “I’m surprised to hear from you.” Then, NOTHING!! He went out of his way to send me a text only to ghost me again. It was nothing more than a teaser text. If he really cared, he would have offered a colossal apology and explanation. I was even willing to hear his side and forgive, but he never gave me a chance. And men think WE’RE crazy?!

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    This guy was a cool dude, but after six months we had an argument about him spending time with me after not seeing each other for a week. He cancelled dinners on me and claims to have forgotten a dinner, but he arriver twenty minutes later. We texted two days ago, but his texts are cold. I haven’t heard from him in two days. I’m done, and know that I’m not a priority for him. A waste of time and money.

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    I like reading all the comments because we can all somehow relate to this. My situation is similar yet slightly different. This guy started working at my work and 1-2 weeks later I noticed him more and more as he had a good sense of humor anyway long story short, he ended up liking me and I liked him too but I was slightly telling him no whenever he would try to kiss me or whatever. We became business partners and eventually he was fired and a month later I was terminated aswell as the employer we were working for couldn’t pay us. We were more determined to do our thing. Mean while he started distancing himself and I somehow found out that his ex was pregnant with his child. That was a hard pill to swallow. Any months of being hormonal, confused, trying my hardest every time we met to somehow attract him
    Towards him, I kind of felt the need to accept what was going on. However he would always say or do something that would bring me back to square one. We did hook up and I regret it a lot because everytime we did I would emotionally attach myself and he wouldn’t and we would start discussing how he can’t be in a relationship since his ex is having a baby and he can’t look like an asshole. Yet he wanted this secret relationship with me that was purely physical. Mind you I really thought he was my best friend in the entire world because we would hangout only when we were working on our business and would have the best time. I went for vacation to another country and his child was born and next thing i know I am unfriended on Facebook, blocked actually, and our communication has been shifted on emails, which really frustrated me because I felt like I am losing all sorts of connection with him because of his ex. In the end he told me that his ex can’t find out that we are conducting business together anymore and that we have to go our separate ways. I knew it was coming but I was still hurt. The only reason why she can’t find out is because if she does she will restrict his access to letting him see his daughter and maybe press charges to when they were together and had a domestic violent dispure. It’s so sad because I feel like he’s dead and I am mourning his loss which is imperative to healing. I did nothing wrong but to support him morally and financially and I lost my friend. I do realize that one day all this is going to look very silly and funny to him and I, as of right now it’s pretty serious and things need to be handled maturely with some space, I respect that, not sure how I will react when he does unblock me or message me which I know he will. They always come back and silence is the best curiousity for someone like him. It gets him going, in the mean time I have not crushed my dreams of having a business, I started one and am doing well in it, I plan to succeed, I just wanted to care and love someone and do everything with them so it hurts

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    We’ve been close for about 8 months. And yes ofc he used to act hot and cold in those period, but i was cool, thats not a big deal for me. Till, when he starts busy in work, he hang me in a text and answer it after two days (which is its me who send another text, saying are you okay?). And he replied saying he is fine, just so busy at work. BUT, there is no word ‘sorry’ as he usually does. And I didnt put a reply after. Now, 3 weeks has past, and we didnt contact each other. idk why but i hope he would text me again..
    Should I just hold myself, and never text him first?

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    Hey everyone,

    Wanted to get your thoughts. I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for a year and he recently broke up with me out of no where. Our parents had just met and loved one another and he told me the night they met he wanted to marry me and couldn’t imagine ever being with anyone else. Within three weeks, we ended. The week after our parents me his mates had said he was different (being the first guy in a relationship and just started a new job out of uni) I knew he didn’t like the fact they had said that. He also had pressures of paying off his parents house and debt as they had retired and then his best mate had convinced him just recently to buy a bar. With all this going on I asked him where I was in this as a priority because he was stressed and needed to pull back on our time together, when I asked for reassurance I was getting shitty with him all the time he couldn’t spend time with me, fair enough it was a bit much for two weeks but for the entire relationship I was happy go lucky and we have a great time together. I guess the last two weeks in my own way I was seeking reassurance of where am I in all this?

    Anyway, the night before we broke up he said he couldn’t wait to call me #wifey and for our forever. Why would anyone in their right mind say that and then the following day break up? He came round the next day and said the more he tried to make me happy the less happy he is and I said he was projecting on me with all his pressures and he said he felt consumed and thought someone else could make me happier and give me what I deserve.

    We are both different in age 4 years my junior and I’ve had a career for a bit longer. But I’m of the mind age doesn’t matter.

    People – is it his friends? Pressures in life? Not happy with himself or am i not accepting the obvious that he is just no that into me?

    I’ve done the no contact for 2 weeks bar his mum calling me and crying asking what happened, apparently he broke down and just said I deserve someone better.
    For the record there’s no foul play, you’ll need to take me at my word. Thoughts??

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    Hi everyone,
    I’m dealing with something similar. I was dating a guy for about three months and then he said he’s not ready for a relationship. He’s the one that wanted to be serious, he’s the one that pursued and initiated everything. He’d always want to see me and call me all the time. I’ve been with guys in the past that have treated me like shit and finally after 7 years of going through heartbreaks I meet this amazing guy that actually made me happy. There was nothing wrong we were great together. He talked about a future with me and told me he’s never met a girl like me before that’s so caring, nice and amazing. I’m the perfect package and he’s so lucky to have found me. He said he can’t see himself without me and no girl has ever made him feel the way I do. We both know we have a great connection, like we’ve always known each other. One Saturday we went out and after met up with his friends, I was meeting this group for the first time. Everything was perfect, he never felt distant or awkward nothing. Then the next day I barely hear from him and then finally on Monday night we talked and he tells me he can’t do a relationship right now. He can’t handle the work of a relationship. I tried talking to him about not giving it up so fast but now he’s like avoiding me and treating me like I did something wrong. He said he’s too busy to miss me and is talking to other girls, even posted stuff on snapchat with a girl that he claims is a friend. I’m so confused and hurt, I don’t understand what happened.

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    This literally just happened to me right now.
    I wake up. Check my messages and there’s this unsaved number. I check the profile pic and sure as hell its my ex.
    11 months after he ghosted me. He just left. No fights. No arguments. One day he was there and the next…like he never existed. He ignored all texts and calls from me.
    Never got any word from the day he left till now. For closure I assumed he died ( I had no option…I really hated him for that).
    I’ll hear him out to find out this mega reason why he messed me up…probably CANT take him back and don’t want him back. Just sincere closure.

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        I was with my ex for five and a half years and a month ago, he ended it with me with absolutely no warning and no reasoning really. In November, I got really unwell and had to have an operation, had to leave my job and it really really took its toll on my mental health as well as my physical. He said he was fine with me not working and I needed to get better first etc. So I basically stayed in our flat (it’s in his name), looking after the kittens, cooking dinner and all the chores etc. Whilst juggling hospital and doctors appointments to find out what was wrong with me. Then, in January, I found out that he had started an accumulator 4 weeks prior, and he had won £45,000. I had no idea he was doing this bet, wasn’t sure why he didn’t tell me and that, but didn’t say anything anyway and we were both absolutely buzzing. He was buying me designer gifts, telling me he was going to propose before our holiday, looking at houses etc so we could move out the flat. He was a really kind and generous person anyway so it was so nice he treated me when he had some more money. He told me that I was sworn to secrecy and I couldn’t tell ANYONE about the money, especially his mum because she would demand money from him and be bossy. Then randomly, the week of Valentine’s Day he went really distant. It was literally only for 5 days but it was really effecting me. Kept asking him what was wrong and he just said he’s really tired and he really don’t want to go to work. So I believed him. Then on Valentine’s Day he got me another designer gift, and a card that said he loves me so much and loves spoiling me, here’s to many more Valentine’s together. So I thought “Great, I’m not the problem, he is genuinely cheesed off with work’’. Then 2 days after that (On the Saturday) he woke up, and he was in a mood again. He had booked for us to go to Birmingham to celebrate Valentine’s Day, but he was being weird. His mum sent us a group message and was being rude so I said something to him and he literally snapped at me for no reason. I shouted at him back and asked him wtf was wrong with him, and he knows he’s treating me like crap randomly but he was like how am I? And I just got out of bed and sat in the living room. He stayed in bed for about an hour, got out, sat on the sofa and then said that he needs to ask me something. I said what? Then he said “do you really think we should still be going out?’ It was completely out of the blue, I know he was being off for a few days but didn’t think he was gonna do that. Then he said that we aren’t as close as we used to be, and he tried to work through it but we can’t. I then said “you didn’t even tell me you were feeling like that?’ And he didn’t say anything. I asked him if he wanted me to leave, and he said yes. I said has he met someone else and he said no it’s nothing like that. He then left and went to his dads, and I went to my parents. I really thought he would text me and realise wtf he had done, but nothing. I went back later that day to grab our cats. Then I left it 2 days, didn’t hear anything from him. Went back to the flat whilst he was at work and he had put all my belongings in the living room. He left me a note and it said that he will always love me and have a place for me in his heart. He thought we would be together forever but he can’t help how he feels. He hopes to see me again one day to find that I’ve lived a better life and moved onto better things. And he hasn’t spoken to me since. He hasn’t even asked about our cats, NOTHING. He did this knowing that I’m really really unwell at the moment too. Do you have any idea what he was thinking? Literally all I want is for him to regret it. I did everything for him and he threw away a 5 and a half year relationship just like that without discussion. It really hurts that he doesn’t want me anymore, and it feels like everything we had was a lie. I have not contacted him in any way either.

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    I was really interested in my professor in university (masters)and we spoke briefly but all within the context of academia and nothing much; when i tried to show a little bit more interested he was not very receptive and the semester ended and we stopped all contact. 2 years later he resurfaced and started pursuing me and when i asked him why he was so cold early on he said that he was on the brink up of a break up with his girlfriend of a few years and that’s why he wasnt willing to get into something else. I have been seeing him for 3 months now and we were dating but we never talked about exclusivity. The attraction was great and the chemistry was there from the first date however he always mentioned he has commitment issues and is not willing for any strings attached especially when we got physical he used to disappear for a few days or even a week after and resurface with the excuse that he doesn”t want to get so involved.
    We never had sex but our last physical encounter was a very intense make out session which was 3 weeks ago and since then he has become very cold and distant. I have initiated contact like 3 times since then but he clearly stated that he’s so confused and doesn’t want us to meet up again as he is very attracted to me and knows we will get physical again and he didn’t want to get physical so as not to get himself more confused and attached.
    I went silent since our last contact which was a week ago and not planning to initiate contact again. Do you think there’s hope for him to come back or did he plainly lose interest?

    1. Avatar

      As a man I can tell you that he would not lose interest until after you have had sex. If he is a decent guy, being concerned for your feelings but not wanting a relationship with you, he would keep his distance. The special ‘it’ that exists between two people is a rare animal indeed and is perhaps the one universal state we all crave. But ask yourself…do you want to involve yourself with a man who is uncertain that he wants to begin a relationship with you? You could be checking into heartbreak hotel for an extended stay!!

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    Met a guy online who in the 3rd date told me he didn’t want a relationship preferred to stay single. We still saw one another and as time went on saw more of each other and texted almost everyday. Then one day he ghosted me. I went on messenger and called him on it. He replied to it. We are both 61 yo. Will I hear from him again.

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    Wow! Are women really this gullible? As a man I have to let you ladies know “WE KNOW WHAT WE WANT AND WHAT WE DON”T WANT!!!! There’s not much confusion when we really feel that she’s the one but when we don’t feel that way there’s always confusion. Confusion is a CLEAR sign for you to RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! If he really wants you he will let you know EVERY DAY and wouldn’t miss a day. Coming back usually results in someone getting used and abused.

    1. Avatar

      REALTALK:-WOW! Are men really this cowardly?! As a woman, I have to let you “men,” know when they “ghost” a lady, they are primarily focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and they aren’t thinking about how it makes the other person feel.“Looking through the lens of a coward, passive withdrawal from dating seems like the easiest and nicest route. For the ladies and gentleman who have been ghosted, the important thing to remember is that when someone ghosts you, it says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and everything about the person doing the ghosting. It shows he/she doesn’t have the courage to deal with the discomfort of their emotions or yours, and they either don’t understand the impact of their behavior or worse don’t care. In any case they have sent you an extremely loud message that says: I don’t have what it takes to have a mature healthy relationship with you. Be the better person, retain your dignity, and let him/her go peacefully.

      Don’t allow someone else’s bad behavior to rob you of a better future by losing your vulnerability and shutting yourself off from another relationship. Keep your energy focused on doing what makes you happy.

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    I’ve known this guy for several years. We never had anything, like we spoke well with each other but nothing more because he had a girlfriend. Since last year I noticed he started taking interest in me and I did in him as well but of course since he had a girlfriend none of us did anything. After half a year he broke up with her because he felt like they fell apart. We then started texting a lot and everyday for several hours and soon we started going on dates. We dated for 1 year but we never put a label on our relationship. We then had a small fight and he told me his feelings for me come and go and he’s confused about his feelings because his ex recently contacted him again. Then we didn’t speak for weeks up until we decided to meet each other and talk about things. We met and he told me he cared about me and despite him texting he didn’t really have feelings for me , when we met, he said that he got feelings when he saw me and he liked being with me. But it didn’t end bad and we hugged goodbye. The next day he sent me som messages about casual everyday things – like when we used to text – but I didn’t really reply because it hurt me so much and because I love him. He looked really sad when we said goodbye to each other and I’m just so confused.

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    I have known this man for 8 yrs , he had always pursued me but i never gave him what he wanted. He reached out to me on linkedin and asked me out. We went out and that night i slept with him. I am currently divorcing my husband and he knows that. After many lunch dates i decided to end it because something wasn’t right.. he was disappearing on fri-sun.. i suspected a girlfriend. When i told him I wasn’t vesting in a casual relationship he waited a fee days and then texted me that he would step it up just to keep me in his life.. he set up a saturday date this time. We went to a fancy dinner and went back to his place, we made out but i stopped things before anything wcould happen. He started to tell me how he needed sex and couldn’t handle commitment. I felt as if that was my cue to go and left. He hasn’t called or texted it has been 5 days. The thingbthat throws me off is how sweet, romantic and what seemed to be genuine feelings he had for me. Smelling ny hair , kissing my forehead.. was it all about sex and boredome?

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    okay so it was almost a year that i left my emotionally abusive ex, and recently and quite randomly he messaged me “sup. how u doing”. i was just getting completely over him and my other ex and i am now extremely mad at him for messaging me when he had done good and left me alone all this time. i even wrote a lot of fanfictions for fun as well as make a new youtube channel and post comics in the form of videos. i had been so productive and then he goes and ruins it all with that simple text. i am so curious as to why he thought it was necessary to message me after all this time that has passed with no contact. i was happy before he messaged me too

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    Really looking for some advice there’s this guy and we were really close friends in our teens and twenties I had a huge crush on him life happened and we grew apart for awhile. We started talking again and and hanging out as friends, it was like we never stopped. Then we talked about exploring a relationship. We started doing things together when we could and it was great, or at least I thought it was. I know his ex wife really hurt him so his barriers were high. He would make comments that made me definitely think he was thinking about our long term future. Then one day he started getting distant and not being very responsive I didnt hear I pulled back contact and didnt hear anything for 2 weeks. Then I told him how this hurt me, and I didnt hear from him at all. 2 months later out of the blue he texts and calls me, asking if I would go to dinner with him. I told him how it was odd to hear from him after he was so radio silent and how I thought things were progressing and then just halted. He agreed he thought things were going somewhere and apologized stating after my last comment about being hurt he supposedly thought I was not wanting to talk to him anymore, a long with him being out of town for awhile for work and his crazy schedule (he does work 80 plus hours a week sometimes) so apprehensively I went to dinner we had an amazing time and he treated me great just like always (if I even try to open my own car door he stops me runs around and opens it) he made the comment when I tried to help pay for dinner that that’s an insult and it’s his job to take care of me. He spoke like there was still a lot of interest there. He didnt try anything but to kiss me which he initiated (this is the first time ever kissing, we were taking things slow for the sake of our friendship) and now I’m so confused! I really have strong feelings for him and have for a long time but idk if this was to fill time (which this was his first weekend off in over 2 months and he called me to spend time with) if he’s just seeing if he still has an in, or if he really still wants something and things just got messed up. He made it a special point to talk about where he hung the Christmas present I got him and how much he still loves it and it was so special to him. I know I’m probably getting ahead of myself but what do I do?

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    My ex broke up with me 3 years ago. He never talked about his feelings or communicated about anything. Just in the last 6 months, he started randomly texting or calling, whenever it suited him. I’m like wtf? He left me with no explanation. We have been intimate once, and I haven5 heard from him again. I’m thinking of writing him a closure letter and letting him know he can’t do this to me. I know he still drives by my work and probably my house, like he’s checking up on me. What does he want, cuz I’m confused.

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    I’ve had several come back. Last year I went on 1 date with a guy. He got super drunk would not listen, drove and ended pulled over by police DUI, found out next day. I gave him name of a lawyer I knew. After that he ghosted me…fast forward year later ( meaning about 2 months ago) i saw a profile on Tinder, pics looked familiar but name was different. Was same guy. He uses his middle name commonly. We met up again. I did politely call him out on his year long vanishing act, I know now standard drivel..”I had a lot going on, my DUI, my ex took me to court” then oh “we were meant to be” right!!! Things got very odd, 2 weeks in outta nowhere he insisted I meet his parents & sister. Way too soon!! I went ahead with it though. They seemed very nice. His parents 80 years old. Things started downhill quickly after that. What seemed the perfect match turned out to be shallow words and a nightmare. I did not know his “secret”. He snuck a bottle of Mezcel into my place was secretly taking shots. I didnt know!! He suddenly got very ugly and angry. Got verbally abusive, sexually aggressive, puked on my floor passed out. Found out from his sister he’s an addict. Stage 4 alcoholism. He lost access to his kid because of his drinking. He never told me of course. I am a light social drinker. My perfect match, a perfect disaster. No I don’t see him anymore.

    Right after above happened another one reappeared. This a bit different. Years ago I owned a condo in a building, this guy was my neighbour. I didnt know him beyond hi. I ended up selling & moving out of country. I moved back 3 years later and we ran into each other. He is the opposite of above never drank at all. We went on a few dates. Super nice looking guy my age divorced with sons. One day out of nowhere he makes this confession he has pictures of me. He had taken pics of me from his balcony while I was in the parking lot. I was unaware my pic was taken. He said he still has them! I felt very weird and a bit violated. After that things kinda dissolved for few months. Then one day out of nowhere I got a message from he. I am looking for work & he messaged me about a job he got a tip on. We met for coffee. Unsure where this is at but I’m glad about the job tip.

    I have others do a relap as well.

    My opinion. No matter how bad it ends, eventually they will get bored, curious, lonely, ego boost or horney. They all appear again at some point. How you handle is up to you.

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    I’m so tired of explaining my story and never getting a response, so I hope I get one here..My ex and I are both almost 47. We work together, we started dating about 2 weeks before he lost his son in a car accident (2016), 2 weeks before Christmas. He always was able to talk to me about it, and even break down in front of me about it. In almost 2 years we never had an argument. We went away and did things, and always laughed and talked a lot..He’s had 2 serious relationships in his life before me, one he got married in, the other he had his 2 sons with. Both of them cheated and are still with the guys they cheated on him with years later. His entire family loved me, my family loved him..we were looking for a house together, and talking about getting married..The accident his son was in, come to find out about a year ago was due to racing..So there will be a trial for the 2 drivers. (this is gonna be long I’m sorry)..about 2 months ago, he was on a staycation from work, and for 2 days he ignored my texts and calls, and we were supposed to go see a couple houses that Thursday. I text him that am and said are we still going or should I cancel? He replied, I already cancelled..I IMMEDIATELY called him to get no response and left him a VM telling him I can take a hint, have a nice life. That Sat. I decided to reach out with a text, and he text me how he will do anything to have me in his arms every night and he was so sorry, but he had an appt. with the lawyer and had to re-live the whole accident again..he doesn’t want to ever be w/o me blah blah..Fast fwd to Monday, and it’s over, he has to much stress, too much on his mind..blah blah..So that was almost 2 months ago..Once a week since I would reach out and get no response..Just a hi and smile at work. Well let’s FFW to last Sat. I hadn’t reached out for my normal week, and I’m outside at break, and he is as well, talking to a co-worker. I hear, “Candy”, I’m shocked, I turn around and say nothing, and he’s like “You can come over here”..I’m thinking what makes you think I WANT to? But I just turned away, and he’s giggling, and I hear the co-worker say, “She’s thinking, I don’t want to deal w/ you guys, that’s why I’m out here”, so I turn around again, and he’s waving me over, and I just turned back around. When I was finished with my cig, I had to walk past him to put it in the ashtray thing, and I said, “now I’m out”, and he’s like, “You’re leaving early??!!”..I said “No, I snuck out”, he’s like “oh ok”.. then inside the building, he calls me over to him and says “I want to show you something”..He proceeds to show me his new tat..I said, “Oh cool, you should put aquaphor on that”..He says, “they said A&D”, I said, “for a couple days, then aquaphor” and walked away..So Monday comes, I text and said Don’t forget to pick up aquaphor..I actually got a text back saying “Will have to stop later thank you”.. THEN I listened to all my friends and text him later and said, can you text me later..no response..I flipped my shiz..and haven’t text him since..barely looked at him since at work..and try really hard not to even run into him..Idk what to do..A little advice would be nice

    1. Avatar

      Hi Candace,

      I’m not sure what you mean about never having gotten a response– I’m not seeing anything else from you either in the comment section or my email, so if I accidentally missed something else, please accept my apology.

      As far as your situation goes, I would leave him alone. He knows you wanted to talk to him and ignored you, so at this point, it’s up to him to reach back out. If he wants to talk to you, he knows where to find you and you’ve done your best at trying to communicate clearly.

      I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this though, it’s never fun to feel like a man isn’t making you a priority.


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    I met a guy online and we were SUPER close for about 2 years. We fell in love and he said that he wanted me to live with him and that I was the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen yada yada… About a year ago (maybe a little less), he had to move back in with his disabled dad to help take care of him. Obviously I TOTALLY supported him in every way I could, but from what he told me, the main issue is that his father ‘forgets’ jf he has taken his meds that day so he will sometimes take them twice or three times (which..you know…OD). I can’t say that I understand what it is like to be in that position, but if that was truly the only issue, I don’t understand why that would take up all of his time. He said that he was depressed over this because caring for his father has kind of taken control of his life (he’s the ‘I need to be in control of everything’ type) and he has no time to plan his own future because he has no idea when this will change. He pushed me farther and farther away, sometimes not answering me for days. I was constantly asking if there was someone else or if he still loved me and he said that he barely had time for me, much less anyone else, and yes he still loves me. A few times, he told me that he thought it was best if we didn’t talk because he didn’t have time for me anymore, but I was confused and told him that by ‘attention’ I mean just texting me a few times a day, that’s all. Fast forward to three months ago…

    A few days before our split, I remember he told me several things:

    I was his dream girl
    He was in love with me
    he would love me until the day he died This is all relevant. So, one night I texted him and asked if there was any way we could maybe set aside like 5 minutes at night for each other. All things considered, I really didn’t think I was asking for much. He told me something along the lines of (I only remember bits and pieces so bare with me): “I think it’s best if we cool things down for right now, I have to put all of my attention on my dad and if that means I’ll have to make up for it later, I have to do that, You’re a good woman *me*, that loyalty isn’t lost on me, I refuse to be depressed over this anymore” By ‘this’ he was referring to the fact that he can’t give me attention and he felt guilty or something. Remember: this is all happening via text, so I’m LIVID at this point, as I think the respectful thing to do when it comes to this like this is to AT LEAST call the person. Plus, this was a bit of a shock to me so I was really upset. I must have said something about closure because he said “I will give you closure when I am able” and that he would “call me in the morning”. Uhhh what? No. I sent him a voice message (you can record a message on your phone and send it as a text. We’ve done this before.) basically begging him not to do this to me and to just talk to me about this (yeah, I know. But I was upset ok?). I managed to calm myself enough to sleep and when morning came, no call. Afternoon, no call. Night time, no call. What the actual fuck. So at this point I’m confused and I called him. He ignored me. Again, and he ignored me. Again and….HE FUCKING BLOCKED ME!!! I can’t…I’m just in total shock that someone could do that to someone who was expecting a call from them. I know he knows I just wanted to know what happened, so I have no idea what would make him do that. It’s been 3 months and I have come to two conclusions: 1. He never actually gave a single fuck about me whatsoever and threw me away like garbage. or 2. He heard how upset I was and felt horribly for hurting me and just couldn’t bare to hear me cry. Guess which one I’m trying to believe? I have to admit that although I’m somewhat of an expert when it comes to depression, I have not experienced seeing many men with depression and I know that they do tend to deal with it differently than women do. I hear that they push people away and shut them out and are very short with them, but if any guy out there could possibly relate…I would really appreciate the insight. I’ve sent him e-mails basically saying that I was sorry for reacting the way that I did and that no matter what, I’m here cheering him on and I hope to hear from him soon…but I haven’t received a reply. It’s been 8 months and I’m trying to let time do it’s thing but I’m afraid that he may never speak to me again…although in my experience, if a man leaves unexpectedly, they always return after enough time has passed. I guess…I guess this wouldn’t be so hard if I knew that he was being honest with me. Maybe I’m being paranoid, I don’t know. I guess I just don’t see why he would do this. Or why someone would say ‘I love you’ before leaving. He’s a country boy..Idk why I thought that was important for me to mention but oh well lol. I’m trying to think positively, but I cry every single night (I’m coming across as the most pathetic woman ever, aren’t I?), wondering if he’s forgotten about me already.

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    So I was talking to this guy for about a year. There was definitely feelings there on both sides. He has some issues that was obvious. He wanted an emotional outlet I believe.
    I had gone thru a crazy divorce before I met him and he was in theory a lot of what I was looking for. One night we talked about our feelings and he said that he wasn’t ‘boyfriend material’ and he was interested in someone but he didn’t want to pursue anything. I had told him I was interested in him. When he said the boyfriend thing I was like ok thanks for the honesty. That night I cut him out of Social media deleted his number everything. I was intent of moving on. It’s been almost two years I have seen him one time a few months ago. I nodded hi. And walked away. Last week out of the blue he friended me on social media and I waited a few days to accept. He started messaging me right away. I messaged him once or twice then stopped responding. He messaged me the next night and we talked for a long time. He seems to have changed somewhat. He still has some crazy stuff going on but he lost his best friend and got into a crazy accident. I’m sitting here obsessing. Because there is something about him I can’t ever completely forget. He’s prob all wrong for me. But I’m sitting here like now what? I don’t want to get sucked back in ? Is he ‘like I gave her enough time let’s be friends again?’ I’m not good at taking about feelings and I don’t want to be like so hey why are you texting me ? What do you think ? Am I making too big a deal of nothing ? He posted something on social media today that was kind of an inside joke.

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    So I’m gonna tell my tale, and you all give me all of your feedback. Met a guy, long distance. We formed a bond over the phone. We texted and sent cute snaps nearly everyday for months. He had this ex though. He couldn’t get past her so, we ended. I tried to convince him about us but he shut me down. Skip forward 6 months. He messages me. Says he’s hurt and he needs a friend. I say ok, next thing u know I’m a clueless fwb. We text and talk daily. See each other 2/3 times a month. When together, all the sparks you could ever want. Our chemistry aligned and felt perfect…to me. So I work the courage to tell him I’d fallen in love with him. He takes it well, we have amazing sex…again, to me. I then start fishing for a real commitment. He tells me he’s not ready, and he’s sorry. So I put my big girl pants on. Deleted him from all social media, deleted his number and ghosted. 8 months after ghosting I get a friend request from him on social media. Against my good mind, I accepted. Few days later I get this seemingly sincere apology and how he missed me being his “friend”. I was pretty cold and just said it’s fine and in the past. I didn’t contact him at all. Any correspondence was initiated by him. So 2 months of silence then wham, 3 days straight of messages. Telling me he’s sorry, asking about my life, ect. Why on earth does he keep bothering with me? If he doesn’t want me(it’s obvious) why not let me be? He knew I loved him. I still do. But I know in my heart he will never love me. Why be selfish and keep hurting me?? I’m just lost and venting. Thank you.

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    I was with my ex for a year and the break up came from him out of nowhere. I went no contact right after we broke up, absolutely positive i would never hear from him. 2 months later, out of the blue I received pretty loaded emotional text using an endearing name for me, saying he genuinely cares to check in…i didn’t reply…was this his way of letting me know he is thinking about me? is it normal to check in 2 months later? any thoughts?

    1. Avatar

      Hi Susie,

      Yes, absolutely it’s normal for an ex boyfriend to return after 2 months– especially at the 8 week mark. Men don’t break up for the same reasons women do. Sometimes they’re simply overwhelmed.

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    Hello, I just came across your article because I am trying to find some answers to a certain situation I’ve been going through.
    Last year I was travelling around South East Asia for 5 months. During my time in Thailand, I met this guy and we spent the night together after few conversations. It was just one night and it was amazing, hard to explain with words. Just pure chemistry, no words needed because as soon as we touched (and kissed), we knew how to act with each other. Everything was really intense and mindblowing. We were compatible in sex and for the first time I felt I could be myself in such intimate situation with a stranger.
    Well, as a backpacker I had to keep moving and then I left that island where I’d met him. He texted me saying “thank you for the beautiful and exciting night” and off I was…
    When I returned to Australia, I got his messages months later. He randomly sent pictures of his dives (he is a diver instructor) but I didn’t give much importance because I always thought he got the wrong number. However, I decided to reply back and said “I didn’t know you still remember me. It’s been months since we met in Thailand,” to which he shortly after typed “there’s no way I can forget that night with you.” My intuition told me he was a sweet talker and a womanizer, plus I’m too old to believe that (late 20s). Initially he always said there was no girl after me but of course, I didn’t believe him.
    We kept a casual conversation but most of the time it was sex-related topics. I didn’t deny that I loved that night with him as I’m sexually attracted to him too…but I kept going with my travels as any backpacker. He insisted that I should go back to Thailand to see him and repeat our encounter. I merely said I had my plans in Australia and nothing was going to change for him.
    Our conversations were kinda boring to me because he always said the same things. Don’t get me wrong, I felt flattered and all but reading messages from a sexually motivated guy was turning me off.
    One day I told him about this but he just replied “omg” Honestly I thought the conversation was over so I kept going with my life in Australia. I knew he was a womanizer so he could find more girls in no time and forget about me.
    I started some trips around the country and he liked my pics/sent me some short messages. With time our conversations were more interesting, he started to ask more about myself, sending jokes and pictures of our travels.
    He’s been telling me that he thinks about me and that night. It calls my attention how much he remembers about our meeting, even the date and time…and he has been with tons of girls after me. I never judged him because he can do whatever he wants with his life as I’m doing the same with mine.
    Despite the fact we were laughing and enjoying our conversations, he always pointed out how much he wants me. I knew perfectly well it was about lust.
    One day he told me there was another girl he liked (romantically speaking, according to him), I was hurt to know that but nothing I could do. I was very straightforward and asked him “well, if you are interested in someone else, why are you looking for me and say you want sex?” he said that he enjoyed talking to me because I was nice, funny, beautiful and sexy. When he noticed I was about to pull myself away, he panicked and called me to give me more explanations. He was very emphatic that nothing happened with that girl. It was hard to understand because his English is not the best (he’s French) . At some point he admitted he would even have sex with me if he was in a relationship. I was speechless and very pissed off.
    Based on previous experiences, I always ended up left behind when guys told me how amazing and “perfect” I was but in the end, they just walked away. I was sick and tired of being the backup plan or the better-than-nothing-kind-of girl. I knew deep in my heart I deserved much better than that, if I guy wants to be with me, he will be.
    I wanted to see him again but only if he was single. He couldn’t understand and got very upset when I told him he’d be dead to me if he’s got a girlfriend because I’m not interested in getting myself involved in those issues. I enjoy casual sex from time to time but with some who is on the same boat as I am.
    No matter how much I enjoyed our conversations, I had to put an end to that because we had different values with which I certainly disagreed.
    For some reason he didn’t want to let me go so I had to disappear by myself…let’s say by deleting his contact from social media. Perhaps he didn’t believe me but when he noticed I was actually serious about this, he started to text me again. He begged me to keep him in my life. I was like “why does he want me? me? a random girl with who he spent just one night. why so much attachment?” he admitted he liked me and had fun talking to me. He asked me to keep him as anything I wanted: friend, confident or sextoy (yup, he willingly offered himself). He said he liked me and was in lust with me, everything time he talked to me, his body was reacting…one day he said “I have to stop thinking about you every 5 minutes because I get horny” I guess there’s nothing I can do about his lust but it surprised me how hard it was for him to let me go. He just said “it is simple. I don’t want a beautiful person like you to disappear from my life”

    Now I realized I was confused because somehow I felt reflected in him. We are living similar stages in life: leaving home for 2 years, move to another country and learn new things, being a bit emotionally unavailable and kept going in casual encounters (more in his case)and the connection/chemistry/magic we felt that night. It surprises me how intense everything is even though it’s been over a year but the lust is still there. In the end I decided to take some time out because I need to think and figure things out about other aspects of my life. He said I could contact him and let him know if one day I visit France…I couldn’t say yes or no.

    Can I have your opinion on this matter, please? Thank you!

  39. Avatar

    Hi Susie,

    I am really confused. I met this guy from an online dating website. We talked for Luke 1-2 months and we clashed it seems mike and so I stormed out of his house staring it’s not going to work out. He mentioned when we were together that he doesn’t feel like I’m being open to him about my personal business and also that he doesn’t know how to talk to me or what to say in conversation. He seemed so perfect for me and now that it’s been one year I still couldn’t stop thinking about how in love he made me feel and I haven’t met someone of his caliber since. After the break up I left him a message of how he really gutted me and how he did a no show for a concert I payed two tickets for. He never responded. Out the blue it’s been 1 year and he just texted me happy new year and hope I am well and that he want to catch up! I don’t know what this means, what made him finally contact me or how should I react because I’m still in love with him and always dreamed if having him back? How should I act when he calls me, what should I not do if he ask me out again? Any advice?

  40. Avatar

    Hi! I’m not sure what to do next. It’s been about 5 months since I last talked to someone I considered a best friend of sorts with feelings involved. I’m a female he’s a male. We were incredibly tight and loving for the first 4 months then my life ends when he has to leave for a very strict very looong out of state rehab. He gets out and i wasn’t important anymore. He didn’t even care to talk to me even though we wrote each other letters, and a week before we were making plans to,see each other. So I get scared and panic a little with I’d say a medium sized freak out.. once that was done (like an hour) I ceased all communication for a week to let things cool off. Then I wrote him an apology about my freak out and he responded that he knew I wasn’t being myself and to “know he doesn’t judge me”..I said thank you and if he ever needed someone to talk to I was here… well, I never hear from him again and I don’t reach out either. The ball was in his court … last week was his bday so I figured 5 months would be long enough so I sent him a message sayin Happy Birthday and that I wished we could still be friends.. I mean dang, I was the one held his damn hand through his addiction problem. Anyway, he flat out ignored me..like wtf? It’s been a week. I don’t know if I just hope he reaches out someday or if I should shoot him another message.. I figure what do I have to lose at this point. I already lost him. It feels like there was tons of unfinished business and I still don’t really understand what happened. NOTHING was said. Any advice? Thank you so much! I signed up for your news letter just now ????

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