One of the most confusing things men sometimes do is when they suddenly ghost and disappear– only to reappear weeks or months later and act like nothing happened.
And, to make this even more infuriating, usually they reach out the very second you’ve finally moved on and really quit thinking about them (I wish there was a way to fake it, but you can’t).
In over a decade as a coach, I’ve noticed 8 totally frustrating reasons why a man will randomly reach out weeks or months later– either after a breakup or complete disappearing act.
1. He wants sex
It’s a basic motivation, but it’s often easier for him to seduce someone he’s already been with than someone new.
If he’s bored and wants to get some, you’re a potential possibility, especially if he can feel you out over text message from the comfort of his couch on Sunday night.
2. He had a random brain fart and wondered how you were
Often his actions aren’t much more premeditated than a simple idle thought about you, then subsequent text message. He might say something funny or make an inside joke that you both shared.
For example, at one point I met this guy named James. In between non-love connection dates, James and I shared American Psycho jokes over text message.
After a short time, he disappeared completely without warning— only to reappear six months later with guess what… an American Psycho inside joke.
It definitely wasn’t a love connection, so my best guess about why he texted after months was that he wanted to see if I would even respond at all and… see reason number 1.
3. He’s looking for an ego boost
If your breakup was one-sided, say, he knows that you wanted to keep the relationship going but he didn’t, it can simply feel good to reach out to you and remind himself that someone (anyone) cares for him.
This reason is usually subconscious and for sure, unflattering to you, but it’s a really common reason why he’ll text you after months or years of no contact.
4. Something reminded him of you
You know how some song or smell will randomly remind you of an ex?
This happens to everyone.
Like an itch that needs scratching, something will make him think of you and then all of a sudden, there he is, saying “hey… what’s up?”
This is so confusing because he might also want you back or it could be a total fluke.
Men will also use this as an excuse to talk to you after a breakup when they ACTUALLY miss you and want another chance at the relationship.
5. One of his friends asked about you
Ever been out somewhere with a friend and out of the blue they ask about your ex?
Does this annoy you as much as it does me?
I usually think to myself, “gah, I just stopped thinking about him! Thanks so much!” (sarcasm intended).
This also happens with family members, acquaintances you haven’t seen for a while, etc.
It’s even more frustrating because usually this happens right after you’ve really made an effort to remove your ex from your life once and for all.
And unfortunately, this can be what makes us think of getting in touch with him months later, in the same confusing way guys sometimes reach out after months of no contact.
Just being reminded of someone is enough to make you think about them, which can cause people to reach out. It’s human, but if you’re on the receiving end of it– confusing anyway.
6. He finished dating that other woman who he dumped you for
This reason why men come back after months and years away truly sucks, but it’s actually pretty common.
Whether you had actual unfinished business or not, often a guy will circle back around to a lukewarm relationship after he gave someone else a try and it didn’t work out.
This happens most after a long-term relationship falls apart.
After licking his wounds post-breakup, then doing his “triumphant” victory lap around the singles scene, it turns out to not be as glamorous as he had hoped.
Once he realizes that “sowing his oats” wasn’t everything it was cracked up to be, he comes crawling back hoping for an ego boost or potential reconciliation.
And, while I do mention this in a brutally honest way, he can be genuine about this.
Often men I coach through getting back together really do realize they made a mistake and genuinely want you back after doing this.
Other times they are afraid to be alone.
From through my computer screen, it’s impossible to tell you for sure.
Either way, men are usually intentional about seeing you, being around you and admitting they were wrong if they really do want you back.
Once he returns, watch him closely to see what he does.
If he’s flaky and difficult to get into the same room with you, he’s probably not as sincere as a man who has come back after realizing he made a mistake by leaving you for someone else.
7. You are suddenly a challenge
This is particularly likely if you’ve gone no contact with him or have been ignoring his communication.
Like a puzzle waiting to be solved, if you have gone dark on him, he will want to break down your wall and see if he can get a response from you.
A sign your ex is teasing you is if he communicates with you, you respond, and he drops the communication completely all of a sudden.
It’s frustrating and enough to drive you crazy, wondering WTF.
Another common time this happens is if you happened to be a little bit clingy during or after the breakup.
Once you go completely no contact and go to great strides to forget about him, he wonders why, feels challenged and *poof* there he is again.
8. He genuinely wants you in his life
If you want him back too… reuniting with him can be in your future.
There are other signs your ex still loves you, like remorse, wanting to discuss the breakup, and making an effort to get back in your good graces.
The concept that he might genuinely want you in his life is last on the list for a reason, it’s the most tricky.
A guy genuinely deciding that mistakes were made and coming back involves a real leap of faith on his part.
If your relationship ended badly, he might have felt afraid to contact you up until this point.
Men are often more sensitive than women– even though they will never, ever admit it.
Keep in mind that no matter why he came back months later, it’s best to take a wait and see approach with him– especially if you liked him the first time around. Love isn’t lying around everywhere, so I urge you to at least hear him out.
Also, let me ask you.
Does this kind of frustrating nonsense keep happening to you?
- THAT guy (you know, the one who rocks your world and you miss like crazy) only reaches out to you once a month or less…
- You aren’t sure what to do even though you actually want to talk to him.
- He randomly texts you after months (or years) away.
- Guys seem to only want sex, but you KNOW he really liked you.
- He ignored you for a month and now wants to talk. THEN ghosts afterward.
Then we have to talk about love blocks.
Love blocks are sneaky mindsets that are getting in the way of manifesting the kind of devoted, close relationship you want and deserve.
..And, usually love blocks are behind why guys get flaky, pull away and then act hot and cold with you.
If you want to FINALLY stop the “he loves me” “he loves me not” cycle, then save your seat for my free masterclass, The 7 Blocks to Manifesting Love.
Get to the bottom of why men pull away, ghost and generally drive you crazy.
