Today, we’re going to be talking about why your ex might have ghosted you.
If you’re on the older side, you may not know this, but ghosting is what happens when somebody vanishes, doesn’t respond to you and pulls away. You don’t really know what happened. They sort of vaporize in front of you like a ghost— hence, the term “ghosting.”
What does it mean if your ex is ghosting you?
What usually causes your ex to ghost you?
Oftentimes, your ex will ghost you if they get a sense that you have an ulterior motive. This is when your ex thinks you want something other than what you are actually saying you want, right?
Oftentimes, your ex thinks that you are only interacting with them because you want to get back together with them and you have a hidden agenda of wanting to get back together with them (and you might).
You’re texting your ex things like:
“Oh yeah, we’ll just be friends. But hey, have you broken up with your rebound yet?”
“Would you ever want to you know, get back together with me?”
“Are you lonely tonight? I can come over.”
“Yeah, I can sleep in the bed with you, that’s totally fine. It’s absolutely platonic, I promise.”
If your ex gets the sense that you have an ulterior motive, they may want to pull away from you.
One of the biggest things that causes people’s exes to ghost them is having the ulterior motive of trying to get back into a relationship with them.
If you’re texting or contacting your ex and you are relationship focused, they are going to pull away from you. Your ex is going to ghost you so hard.
The thing is— you don’t want to be a relationship focused. You want to be connection focused.
When you are relationship focused, you might text your ex things like:
“Would you get back together with me?”
“Would you consider giving me a second chance?”
“What do I need to do in order to prove that we have a future together?”
Although these are questions that might seem obvious, when you ask these things, it seems like all you want to know is what you can do to get back together with them.
You have to understand that you and your ex are not in a relationship anymore. The two of you broke up.
When you continue to interact and text with your ex as if the two of you are in a relationship, there’s a little bit of a disconnect there.
Instead, you need to be more connection focused. Don’t send your ex texts like:
“I miss you.”
“Do you ever think about us getting back together?”
Focus more on the quality of the emotional connection between the two of you.
Because when you’re more focused on the connection between the two of you, you can actually build a strong emotional foundation where the two of you can develop high quality interactions and get back together and spend time together and stuff like that.
And… when the two of you have high quality interactions, a strong emotional connection, it’s no huge jump to imagine that you might really get back together.
But getting back together comes later when there is a strong emotional foundation between the two of you.
You don’t get back together first and then get the strong emotional foundation. So don’t be relationship focused. Don’t try to get the relationship hoping that that’s going to give you the emotional connection and the foundation.
Just build the emotional connection and the foundation first and trust that will eventually do what it is naturally going to do, which is to bring you together and cause the two of you to be in a relationship again.
This is very strongly focused on having a high quality emotional connection and high quality emotional foundation with your ex. Otherwise, your ex will ghost you.
To learn more about how to have a high quality emotional connection with your ex head over to my website here and take the quick, 30 second quiz.
Next, I will send your free copy of 5 Unconscious Signs Your Ex Still Wants You (Hint: C.A.P.E.T.) and customized tips, advice, and strategies to help you start building that close emotional connection with your ex and begin the process of getting back together.