The ONLY Thing You Should Focus On If You Want Him Back

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getting him back, getting back together

If you had something beautiful going with your ex…

And you know you could be great together…

Then it’s worth taking one more shot at rekindling the romance with him. Because an emotional connection like that doesn’t happen every day.

It’s worth fighting for.

First, let’s take just a minute to answer this question:

What’s the one obstacle to getting back together with your ex? What’s the one thing getting in the way?

If you’re like most women I’ve consulted with, your answer would go something like this:

“The biggest obstacle is getting past his emotional walls.”

You see, the problem isn’t making him love you again. Your history together proves there’s already enough chemistry between you.

Nope.

That’s NOT the actual problem when it comes to getting him back.

Here’s the real problem you’re facing:

He won’t consider it in the first place. He closed his mind to the possibility.

…And in many cases, he won’t even contact you or he ignores you completely.

What it boils down to is this:

He has already decided not to give you a chance to rekindle your relationship.

That’s the barrier. That’s the emotional wall you’re up against.

But what if I told you it’s not so much of a wall as it is the illusion of a wall?

What if it’s a barrier you can move past whenever you want once you know the secret?

That would change things, wouldn’t it?

Earlier, we said the biggest problem is that he’s already decided not to give you a chance.

The key word there is “decided.”

But here’s the weird thing about the way humans make decisions:

We don’t start with a decision. Decisions are just the end result.

Decisions are just the output of a different kind of mental calculation. Decisions come after the equals sign.

That’s why you can almost never change someone’s mind by using logic and reason to go after their decision directly.

Think back to the last time you saw a person trying to change someone else’s mind.

If they focused on attacking the decision itself, they almost certainly failed to change the other person’s mind.

Now let me show you the solution to that problem.

Decisions can change in the blink of an eye. They are not static. They are dynamic, changing continuously as new input updates his mental simulation of the future.

Scientists have recently discovered something interesting about us humans. When relaxed, our minds drift to the future. We sometimes contemplate the past. We sometimes focus on the present. But 80% of the time our mind is imagining the future.

Predicting the future is something we do on autopilot. And that’s where you’ll find an opening to take one last shot at rekindling the romance with the guy who has shut you out.

We make complex mental simulations of the future. And we do it almost continuously.

If you’re not consciously focusing on something, there’s a good chance your mind is picturing your future to predict which paths will lead you to happiness and fulfillment.

Here’s why this is good news for getting your ex back. You can change what a guy feels when he pictures you in his life again.

I call it the movie trailer method.

Basically, it’s a step-by-step set of instructions for tinkering with the “movie trailer” that plays in his head anytime he sees your name pop up on his phone, or your picture in his Facebook feed, or your car in the parking lot.

If you start small, you can change the dominant emotions he associates with you. You can become someone he imagines himself with.

In his imagination, he’s no longer resolving old arguments with you, but exploring a whole new relationship with you instead.

So how do you do use this to get inside his mind and rewrite his perception of you?

How do you tinker with the movie trailer playing in someone else’s head?

That’s the topic I explore in detail here, starting with the very first text message, and ending with advanced techniques to connect with him.

But for the purposes of this article, we’ll zero in on just one cool idea.

Ready? Okay, here it is…

Taking your one last shot comes down to choosing the right target.

Don’t set your sights on fixing the relationship, or changing his mind, or “giving things another try.”

Instead, notice the opportunities to change the primary emotions that color his imagination whenever he thinks of you.

You’d be amazed at the difference this can make. Because the truth is, emotions run the show.

The biggest mistake people make is spending their energy on things that reawaken his reasons for pulling away.

They accidentally use little reminders of things that went wrong when you were together.

Don’t make that mistake.

Instead, put every ounce of your attention on just ONE thing:

The primary emotion he feels each time gets a text message from you, sees you on the street, or hears your voice on the phone.

Because if you can change the emotions he associates with you, the mental pictures playing in his head will start to change all on their own.

Do that, and you will amaze yourself. You’ll move mountains. His little emotional walls won’t stand a chance.

Good luck out there!

 

–James

P.S.  Another thing about human nature is that we’re better at following through when we have a step-by-step guide.

To get your hands on my step-by-step method for changing the way your ex feels about you, click here to see the full explanation.

James Bauer

About James Bauer

As a dating coach for women, I focus on empowering women to attract the right kind of man into their life.

I have identified one factor in particular that has immense transformative power when women embrace it and learn about it. I call it the respect principle.

If you are currently in a relationship with a man, or want to be soon, I invite you to watch the free presentation I have recorded on the respect principle. It explains what men want MUCH more than love and how to use this knowledge to bridge the gap between the two of you.

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