Today, we’re going to be talking about why your ex might have ghosted you.
If you’re on the older side, you may not know this, but ghosting is when somebody vanishes, doesn’t respond to you and pulls away. You don’t really know what happened.
They sort of vaporize in front of you like a ghost— hence, the term “ghosting.”
What does it mean if your ex is ghosting you?
What usually causes your ex to ghost you?
Often, your ex will ghost you if they get a sense you have an ulterior motive.
This is when your ex thinks you want something other than what you are saying you want.
Your ex might think you are only interacting with them because you have a hidden agenda of wanting to get back together with them (and you might).
When you have a hidden agenda, you are texting your ex things like:
“Oh yeah, we’ll just be friends. But hey, have you broken up with your rebound yet?”
“Would you ever want to get back together with me?”
“Are you lonely tonight? I can come over.”
“Yeah, I can sleep in the bed with you, that’s totally fine. It’s absolutely platonic, I promise.”
If your ex gets the sense that you have an ulterior motive, they may pull away from you.
One of the biggest things that causes people’s exes to ghost them is having the ulterior motive of trying to get back into a relationship.
If you’re texting or contacting your ex and you are relationship focused, they are going to pull away from you.
Your ex is going to ghost you so hard.
The thing is— you don’t want to be a relationship focused with your ex. Instead, you want to be connection focused.
When you are relationship focused, you might text your ex things like:
“Would you get back together with me?”
“Would you consider giving me a second chance?”
“What do I need to do in order to prove that we have a future together?”
When you ask these things, it seems like all you want to know is what you can do to get back together with them.
You have to understand that you and your ex are not in a relationship anymore. The two of you broke up.
When you continue to interact and text with your ex as if the two of you are in a relationship, there’s a disconnect there.
Instead, you need to be more connection focused. Don’t send your ex texts like:
“I miss you.”
“Do you ever think about us getting back together?”
Focus on the quality of the emotional connection between the two of you.
When you’re focused on your connection, you can build a strong emotional foundation.
Then you have high quality interactions and spend time together.
When you have high quality interactions and a strong emotional connection, it’s no huge jump to imagine that you might really get back together.
But getting back together comes later when there is already a strong emotional foundation between the two of you.
You don’t get back together first and then get the strong emotional foundation.
So don’t be relationship-focused with your ex.
Don’t try to get the ‘in a relationship’ title hoping that’s going to guarantee you the foundation and emotional connection.
Build the emotional connection and the foundation first.
Trust the connection will eventually do what it is naturally going to do, which is to bring you together and cause you to be back in a relationship again.
This is very strongly focused on having a high quality emotional connection and high quality emotional foundation with your ex.
Otherwise, your ex will ghost you and it will be incredibly hard to get back together.
To create a high quality emotional connection with your ex, join me inside The New Beginnings Course.
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