How can you know if your ex is really over you or not?
Today I’m going to tell you how to know if your ex is over you. I’m going to give you a couple of signs your ex is over you to look out for.
Now, I want you to pay close attention to the last sign your ex is over you because the last one actually ties them all together and gives you a good idea about specifically what is going on and what is driving whether or not your ex is over you. It explains whether or not they still have a lot of strong, pent up emotions for you.
Let’s get started.
1. They’re starting to move on and build a new life without you.
The first way to tell that your ex is over you is if they’re starting to move on and build a new life with new experiences that are separate from the life they had with you.
I’m not talking about getting into a rebound relationship or doing something that is a very hard reaction towards the life that they had with you, where it’s like a complete 180 from whatever they were doing with you.
These are often signs that your ex is still very much caught up emotionally with you.
If your ex is starting to build a new life and it’s not a reaction to the life that you had together or a knee-jerk reaction to the breakup, that’s a very strong sign they’re starting to move on from you because they’re starting to enter into a new chapter of their life.
They’re starting to build new experiences with another person and they’re being present in that experience and their new chapter. They’re not just doing it as an unconscious reaction to your breakup.
2. Your ex is emotionally detached from your breakup.
The second sign that your ex is over you is that they are emotionally detached from what happened from the breakup, right?
I don’t mean this in the way that maybe you might be thinking where your ex is saying things like:
“I have no feelings for you, whatsoever.”
“I never felt anything for you.”
“I never loved you to begin with.”
Obviously, that’s not genuine and authentic. That’s actually what we call posturing.
Your ex is pretending that they’re not impacted by the relationship that you had.
They’re pretending as if it didn’t mean anything when actually they really do feel a lot toward you. They’re masking it. They’re putting on a suit of armor to protect themselves from feeling the pain that they actually feel or would feel if they allow themselves to feel what was really going on.
If your ex is OK and accepts with what happened between you and they’re detached with the outcome, they’ll say:
“Yeah, we broke up.”
“Yeah, I was terrible.”
“Yeah, we had our own disagreements. But at the same time, I want to know what’s new with you.”
“Maybe we can meet up?”
“Maybe we – maybe won’t meet up.”
If it happens, it happens, if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen, right?
If your ex has that kind of mentality to them, where it’s not just this knee jerk reaction, then that’s a very strong sign that they have moved on from the breakup.
And this isn’t a bad thing. We’ll get into that in a moment.
3. They’re emotionally free from your past together.
The third sign your ex is over you is that they’re emotionally free from the past relationship.
This means that they’re not caught up in the emotional drama, the baggage or the story of what happened in the past.
Now, even if you and your ex broke up a very long time ago, they could still be caught up emotionally in the past.
For example, my parents are divorced. I was talking to my dad not too long ago and even though they’ve been divorced for something like over 30 years, he is still very much caught up in the story of what happened in their divorce.
He’s still very much caught up in all of that emotion.
He’s never let go of it.
Because of that, my dad is actually not over my mom and they’re still kind of stuck in this really bizarre emotional knot.
At least he is.
Then they’re still caught up in the story and they’re definitely not over you.
4. Their emotional response to you is neutral.
Building off of that last one is sign number four your ex is over you and that is their response to you is not extreme— either to the positive or the negative.
What do I mean by not extreme?
When most people think of their ex, especially if they’re fairly recently out of the breakup, they often have a very strong emotional response.
That could be positive.
Maybe someone really regrets what happened during the breakup and they still have strong feelings for their ex and they want to get back together or maybe they still want to be friends or still share their life in some way, right?
That’s a positive strong feeling toward their ex.
The other side of that spectrum is, of course, if they have a very strong negative feeling towards their ex which is kind of like what is happening with my dad and my mom.
People often are like that, right?
Where they’re like, “Oh, I can’t believe my ex. I hate my ex.” “Does my ex still love me?” “I can’t believe my ex did that”
When that happens, there’s still those strong feelings going on.
When things start to mellow out, then they’re more like, “Yeah, my ex and I had our problems and we ended up breaking up. I wish I behaved differently. I wish they behaved differently, maybe you think it would’ve worked out but we had our problems and things didn’t work out.”
And once someone has more of that kind of vibe to them, that’s a sign that somebody has really moved on from the breakup.
Again, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it takes us to the fifth sign your ex has moved on from the breakup.
5. They become emotionally available once again.
The fifth sign your ex is moving on from the breakup is if they start to become emotionally available, especially with you.
When they start to become emotionally available towards you it means that they are starting to move past the breakup.
Maybe we need to stop and step back a little bit and explain something here.
One of the reasons why there’s a lot of these very strong responses to an ex after a break up is because when your ex left you, they had to create this image in their mind of you being a person worth breaking up with.
Sure, maybe you did some things that warranted them breaking up with you.
Maybe you didn’t and your ex had to fabricate a reason for breaking up with you.
Maybe they had to take something that you did and exaggerate it in order to justify breaking up with you.
But either way, your ex had this image in their mind of you that’s worth breaking up with.
When they’re interacting with you, they’re not really interacting with you. They’re interacting with this negative image of you. They’re interacting with this concept of you as their ex.
And as long as they’re doing that, they’re actually emotionally unavailable towards you.
As your ex starts to let go of that concept and starts to see you as you are and interact with you in the present moment— not based off the baggage the two of you had during the relationship— they start to become emotionally available to you.
Not based off of the history that the two of you had.
Not based off of the fights and the disagreements and the lies and the trust and all of that.
They’re able to see you as the person that you are right now, sitting in front of them.
That’s when your ex starts to become emotionally available to you.
And that’s when they actually start to put the breakup behind them.
This is a good thing if you want to get back together because they’re actually able to interact with you as the person that you are.
They’re not interacting with that concept of you that they had to create in order to break up with you.
They’re interacting with who you genuinely are right now in the present moment.
This is the optimal circumstance for building a positive emotional connection and demonstrating that the two of you can get along very well. It’s the optimal condition for demonstrating that whatever caused the two of you to break up is not an issue anymore.
If your ex did get back together with you, they’re not walking back into the same broken relationship dynamic.
Something between you is fundamentally very, very different.
That is where you want your ex to be so they can be open and receptive to being with you, building a connection.
Your ex will move toward seeing what’s possible with the two of you together.
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