Does your ex miss you?
Today, I’m going to talk about the signs your ex misses you after a breakup.
I’m also going to share how you can tell if your ex misses you even though it might seem like they’re not missing you and they are moving on with someone else entirely.
Stick around to the end and you’ll learn more about that.
How do you know if your ex misses you?
1. You had a strong relationship where you share a lot of good memories.
The first sign your ex misses you is if you had a pretty strong relationship in the past where the two of you actually shared a lot of good memories.
Maybe the two of you had some inside jokes or pet names that you called each other.
Maybe you had some fun experiences.
Maybe you went on some cool trips or did interesting things together.
As long as you have nice things that happened in the past, your ex is probably going to miss you.
Your ex is probably going to look back on your relationship and think:
“I remember those good times.”
“I remember that we used to get along really well.”
“I remember that time we took that road trip down to the (whatever place).”
They might have some emotions that are blocking them from really accessing that right now, but they probably miss you.
If they were going to be real and honest with themselves, your ex probably misses the connection you shared.
2. You shared a partnership identity.
The second sign your ex misses you is that they had an identity when the two of you were together where you were their partner and they thought, “Oh hey, that’s my girl/boyfriend over there.”
Or they thought of you and they thought, “Yeah, that’s my boyfriend over here.”
If a part of their identity was the life that the two of you lead together, they thought things like, “I’m going to come home, we’re going to be together” or, “I need to check with my girl/boyfriend first.”
If they had this identity where the two of you were together then yes, they miss you because the relationship they had with you was part of their identity.
They can’t just look back at that and pretend it didn’t happen because the good times you shared are part of who they are.
The same way that you can’t ignore certain chapters of your own life, your ex can’t just ignore the fact that the two of you were together and you had some good experiences together.
That’s the second sign that your ex misses you.
3. You were emotionally available when you were together.
The third sign your ex misses you is that the two of you were emotionally available with one another when you were together. And what do we mean by emotionally available?
Oftentimes, people can be emotionally unavailable.
When they’re just in a relationship or they’re dating a ‘concept’ like, “Oh yeah, you’re an attractive woman. I’ve always wanted to be with an attractive woman. Let’s go on a date,” right?
In that case, I’m not actually emotionally available to the woman.
I’m just interacting with the concept of her as an attractive woman.
I’m thinking, “If an attractive woman likes me then that means that I’m really cool and that other people should think that I’m cool and respect me, right?”
That’s a sign of emotional unavailability.
Emotional availability is NOT about interacting with you as a concept but about thinking about the person in front of you and wondering:
“What’s your experience?”
“What are your dreams?”
“What are your desires?”
“What are your fears?”
“What are your anxieties?”
“What are your hopes?”
Then getting to know that person and starting to share yourself with that person.
You get vulnerable and express how you actually feel, then listen to them when they express how they really feel.
That’s emotional availability.
If you and your ex were doing that with one another, then there’s probably a very strong possibility that your ex misses you because you had that emotional bond.
4. Your ex is trying to numb out after your breakup.
The fourth sign that your ex misses you is that they’re engaging in numbing activities after the breakup.
What do I mean by numbing activities?
Your ex is doing things to try to mask over the pain of the breakup.
They’re trying to essentially put a band-aid over a bullet hole wound and do things to deny the pain that they are naturally in after a breakup.
They might drink a lot. They might do things like drugs or other numbing activities like zoning out with video games or TV, going out and partying every night or jumping into a rebound relationship or anything else that might make them not have to feel in the moment.
This is a type of emotional unavailability but most people eventually come out of it after a breakup.
It is also a very strong sign your ex misses you.
They might be kind of turning the volume down on their pain by engaging these numbing activities but it doesn’t mean that there’s not that emotion there.
It doesn’t mean that there’s not that feeling of missing you and still loving you in the background.
It’s still there, they’re just trying to hide from it.
Eventually, they’ll either have to face it and deal with it or they’ll have to become emotionally dead inside forever in every aspect of their life and that’s not cool.
Most people don’t emotionally die inside forever. Your ex is probably going to have to deal with this. That’s another sign your ex misses you.
5. Your ex is using psychological displacement.
The fifth sign that your ex misses you is that your ex is using a defense mechanism called displacement.
What is psychological displacement?
If your ex immediately after the break up goes to do a rebound relationship, it’s a numbing activity.
But if your ex gets into a rebound relationship or a new relationship and moves that relationship up really fast to the level of commitment they had with you, then that’s called displacement.
They are fast-forwarding the natural and organic process of building a strong, solid relationship because they (unconsciously) want the relationship to look and seem like the one that they had with you.
They’re trying to recreate the relationship that they had with you but with someone else.
They’re essentially still in the relationship that they had with you but you’re not there so they’re filling in the spot that you were with somebody else.
They’re NOT in the new relationship with another person emotionally speaking.
They’re in their new relationship with you.
That is displacement. It could be hurtful at first to think to yourself, “It took us like a year to move in together and now they’re moving in after only two weeks? Is their relationship really that much stronger than ours?”
It can really hurt to see your ex moving on so fast but you have to realize that what’s happening is not an organic relationship.
Instead your ex is fast forwarding things as they try to leapfrog past the real work that it takes to have a legit relationship. That’s how they create a rebound relationship.
They’re trying to experience being in a relationship with you but without you.
Your ex still feels for you and misses you but they can’t deal with all the emotional baggage between the two of you.
That’s why they displace their feelings for you into a rebound relationship. That’s why they’re not emotionally available to their new partner.
I hope this has helped you get an idea about where you’re ex is at emotionally after your breakup.
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