If you are looking to attract a man, want to settle down and aren’t having any luck, then this advice is absolutely critical.
If you want to find a man and have a lasting connection, then in the first six to eight weeks of dating, you’ve got to know these 5 tips to attract a man and get him to commit.
In the early stages of dating, there’s a lot of extra pressure coming from both sides. We all have a history and a past. Most often, we are comparing the present situation and the person that we’re dating with our past experiences.
The beginning is the time when our expectations are high and we can be super sensitive about certain things that remind us of past experiences.
So I’m going to share six things that you need to be really careful of if you want to attract a man and keep a relationship happening, long-term.
Let’s get down to it.
1. You need to have your own life.
Many people are not actually that happy with their lives before they meet somebody or get out there and date.
Some people are dating because they are legitimately ready for love.
Other people are dating because they want to add something into their lives to make them feel better and happier.
If you want to attract a man who is good for you, then I encourage you to have a life before you even start looking for love.
Now, that doesn’t mean that you can’t be online dating right now or meeting men when you’re going out socially. That is absolutely fine.
However, it’s very important to live and honor your core values.
Some of my core values are things that I act on and work on every day. There are times when I actually don’t really live by them as well as I should.
For example, I love adventure. I love humor. I really value health, emotional and physical. I’m very much into intimacy, intimate relationships with myself, understanding myself and really having deep, connected relationships with other people— whether it be a boyfriend or my friendships with girlfriends, male friends, and my family.
So, if adventure is important to me, then before I meet a guy and when I meet a guy, it’s important to me to honor that part of me.
If you meet someone and you don’t live in a way that honors your core values, chances are, you’re not going to be putting the best version of yourself forward.
You’re not going to be living from a place of self-honor.
Self-honor is really attractive and sexy. When you have a life that is full, then you aren’t always available. You become more attractive because you are actually engaging your life before you met the guy. You are not available for him 24/7. You are out doing things that you love whether it’s ocean swimming, mountain climbing, seeing new restaurants, catching up with friends or you’ve got some events that you’ve already planned months in advance. You are engaged in your life.
My core values may be different to yours. It is really important to break that down and find out what you can be doing today.
Even if you’re dating a guy right now, how can you engage in those things so that you actually keep your sense of self?
It’s sexy, it’s attractive, it’s alluring, it’s inspiring and it makes you harder to get-– not that you want to play a game to be less available to create a chase, but the reality is, a little bit of scarcity helps when it comes to dating and attracting a man.
But it’s not because you’re playing a game. That scarcity is coming from a heartfelt, self-honoring place.
2. Pace and match him.
So the second point is, match him, pace him. Don’t get ahead of yourself and try to lead everything.
Women have become more and more independent. Because of this independence, sometimes we can take the role of leader.
There’s nothing wrong with making suggestions, just don’t be the one doing it all the time. If you’re really honest with yourself, if you are the one initiating regularly, there’s a reason why that’s happening.
There’s a reason why you’re trying to set the pace of the relationship.
Why would that be?
If you are worried about him not liking or wanting you enough or you’re fearful that he doesn’t like you as much as you like him, then it’s highly likely that you won’t stop contacting him and leading the relationship because you don’t want to risk him not contacting you.
You’re taking the steps first before he actually has time to get on the same page as you.
And, as much as some men love encouragement, they don’t want women to play games and pretend like they don’t really care whether they hear from them or not.
However, it’s still really important to give a man the space to come forward to lead. It’s really important to lean back and match his pace. Which leads me to my next point.
3. Manage your expectations.
Expectations. So many people— both men and women— have full-on expectations from the early stages of dating that it should be moving at a certain pace if it’s going to work.
“If a guy really likes me, he will 100 percent be contacting me a few times a day, sending me text messages, telling me that he can’t wait to see me, booking me in for Friday night, Sunday (or whatever your story is).”
“He must be introducing to me to his friends by the sixth week. He must be future talking, making plans for the future.”
Now, I’ve dated men that are amazing at making plans early on and locking me in very, very quickly from pretty much from the day I met them. And I have also attracted men who move slower, and whose pace in general is a little slower.
Therefore, one of the things that can happen is if you have an expectation and a belief that he needs to move at a certain pace and he’s not, you might assume that the guy isn’t interested in you.
And, some guys who are really interested are slower movers.
They want to take their time because they’re gathering their thoughts, wondering how to navigate dating, how to impress you and how to also keep themselves in check.
Emotionally, they don’t want to get ahead of themselves. They don’t want to ruin it either and they don’t want to be rejected by you. So some people aren’t fast moving so don’t expect it to be a certain way.
4. Don’t assume ANYTHING.
The next critical point is, don’t assume anything. We’ve all had past experiences that have been hurtful.
I’ve dated guys who were emotionally abusive.
I dated a guy once who had a major drug problem.
I’ve dated guys who were hot and cold and never warmed up properly.
I have attracted guys who are hot and cold and who eventually did become very committed in the relationship.
I’ve experienced a lot of different scenarios in the dating phase.
However, this is why it’s really important not to assume.
Some men are more chatty and will talk to all different people. And, if you’re a jealous type of person and the last guy you dated cheated on you, then when you’re out socially and he’s just being warm and encouraging in a conversation with a friend of yours or someone that’s in your group, you might start feeling insecure.
You may say something that puts a lot of pressure on him, you may jump to the conclusion that what he’s doing means that he’s just like your ex and he is going to hurt you.
The same thing can happen for him.
You may do or say something that triggers him and he may even say something to you.
And, if you both are reactive and jump to the conclusion that it means that the relationship is doomed or you’re just like the ex or whatever it is, then this new potential love match could be over before you know it.
Don’t assume that what he’s doing now equals something from your past experience.
Sure, a guy who’s overtly flirting and being inappropriate with your friend or someone else is definitely something you know, to be mindful of and to potentially have a little bit of a red flag about.
However, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything yet, so just be a little mindful. Don’t be reactive, be proactive.
Sit with your emotions, look at the situation objectively and then decide what to do. Don’t be reactive. Don’t be too impulsive. And also, don’t ignore what you know to be true which could be that this person isn’t right for you.
5. Quit wondering if he’s marriage material right away.
My next point is also one of the most critical points in this whole article about how to attract a man in the first eight weeks of dating.
It links to actually some of the other points, but there is quite a distinction here.
One of the most important things NOT to do early on in the dating phase (some women start on the very first date or conversation) is wonder, “Is this guy marriage-material?”
You’re ALREADY thinking about getting married before you’ve even gone on the first date. You’re thinking about getting married before you’ve gone on the TENTH date.
Here is the thing:
Not everyone is how you think they are going to be from the start.
People can be a little different or quite largely different from the first date or the first phone conversation to knowing them two months, six months down the track.
If you want to feel empowered, if you want to attract him, then don’t put the cart before the horse.
Don’t get ahead of yourself.
The most important thing that you want to know about a guy that you’re dating is if you LIKE him, not whether you could marry him.
So many men and women get so caught up in the love word. Does he love me? Do I love him?
Of course, you want to have feelings of love, but being in love and being with someone you like are kind of different things.
I want to encourage you to focus on nothing to do with the future.
Focus on the present and ask yourself questions like:
- Do I like this man?
- Is this man of good character?
- Is he respectful to himself and others?
- Does he honor his own word?
- Is he kind to me?
- Does he seem to have a partnership mindset?
- When I talk to him about my feelings from time-to-time, or if there is something comes up early on the relationship and we talk about it gracefully, does he work with me?
- Is he able to change things in order to create a healthy relationship?
- Is he in partnership mode?
These are the really critical things to know— NOT whether you could marry him. Not whether you desire him enough to have sex with him. Not if he fits your ideal of the perfect man or what you think you need to be happy.
Sometimes, what you actually think you need and want and what is actually healthy and compatible for you are two different things.
So whilst you’re caught up in fantasy, desire and passion, you can actually forget and you might be even get hooked on things that aren’t healthy for you.
Money, power, social connections, looks, sex— all those kind of things— can hook people in when in actual fact, they are forgetting whether they actually like the person.
So don’t think about marriage or commitment too much early on.
Focus on having your own life. When you meet a guy, don’t forget to keep engaging your own activities, because then you’ll create the mystery.
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