“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”
— Friedrich Nietzsche
Trust is the bedrock of good and successful relationships. Have you ever felt like you can’t seem to trust people any longer? Maybe because of past bad experiences? Trust me- I have been there. So many people find themselves dealing with how to trust after being cheated on.
Now trust goes along with loyalty.
If your significant other can trust you- it means that they can take you at your word, and this brings confidence. If you have trust in an intimate relationship, then you can have it in anyway.
Years ago, my relationship life was a mess. I had several relationships which didn’t turn out well because I gave trust to people who didn’t seem to value it or appreciate it. This made me distrust people. I saw myself going into other relationships, and not being able to trust even on knowing that they could be trustworthy.
“Can I truly trust again?” was a question I constantly had to ask myself.
Rebuilding trust after a relationship is broken is one of the toughest challenges one can face.
Distrust can be brought about through sexual infidelity and lies.
I always had to battle in my head, “why did all of my relationships end because of cheating and lies? Was it something I was doing wrong? Or was it mother-nature’s gift to me?”
My relationships failed because I was cheated on, despite my being faithful in return.
The reasons why people cheat are numerous. These could range from loneliness, lack of self-esteem, sexual issues, and even greediness.
Have you ever wondered why some men who date very pretty women still end up cheating?
I call it greed. There is a saying that goes, “men like variety, if a man can eat various kinds of food, why then should he have just one woman?” I find this rather perplexing. I discovered most people who think that way have a hurting self esteem.
I’ve noticed that people with low self-esteem often believe that they have to go out with lots of people to boost their ego and/or appear more attractive. If they are not liked and admired by lots of other people, they feel worthless. Part of it could be that they don’t feel liked and admired by their partner.
Remember that it’s very vital to move on with your love life after being cheated on.
Here are five of the things I did to get rid of my ‘lack of trust’ issues, and I believe they should work for you as well:
1. Keep in mind that it’s not your fault they cheated.
The only decision you can control is yours, if they decide to cheat, then it’s their decision. “Faithfulness is a must not an option.”
2. There is always someone out there who will love, and accept you for who you are.
Not someone who loves you with second options. Remember, “unconditional love is the truest form of love.”
3. Choose your future partner carefully by following your instincts in other to avoid such cases.
It is difficult to trust others when you don’t trust yourself to make good choices. Most people notice signs of a cheating partner’ even before the relationship starts. Avoiding this can go a long way in helping you. “Love doesn’t seek to hurt.”
4. Open up your heart to loving and trusting again fully.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable. When you do this you bring greater opportunities for others who are vulnerable and willing to give love abundantly to come into your life. “vulnerability opens even the strongest door.”
5. Forgive the people who took your trust for granted in the past.
Forgive yourself as well; many people put the blame on themselves. ” I shouldn’t have trusted him”, “what if I never trusted her?” Show yourself compassion. You can also go about this by being there for others who are experiencing the same issues. By sharing in their experience, and giving support – you are equally healing.
This took a lot of work and effort, but with determination I’m a better person today, and have experienced great relationships.