How To Deal With Rejection Like a Rockstar

how to deal with rejection

Coping with romantic rejection? You’re not alone. When you learn how to deal with rejection so that it makes you stronger instead of just making you feel more insecure, it definitely gets easier.

It may seem far fetched, but it’s possible to get to an emotional place where rejection isn’t a big deal at all. It can even feel positive after a while.

Getting upset about rejection simply bogs you down. Moping around is frankly a waste of time. The sooner you can get over it and move on, the sooner you can get back out there to meet someone great.

Here’s how to deal with rejection without driving yourself crazy.

1. Cultivate A Blasé, Thankful Attitude About Rejection

Letting yourself be interested in someone new over and over again while getting your feelings hurt can make you want to crawl into a hole and give up on dating altogether. It can also help you create some really detrimental negative attitudes about men that will hurt you more than anything else.

This is why it’s to your benefit to be thankful he’s gone. Don’t become one of those bitter-ass people who comes to me hurt and broken, trying to sell me the same old sob story about how there’s no one good out there (or much worse, that men are jerks). I call bullshit!

No matter what you’re like, in all age groups, across the world, there is someone who you would really enjoy splitting a meal and/or a bedroom with. There are tons of worthy, beautiful people out there who want to date you.

This is why you should thank your lucky stars that the wrong person for you sauntered out of your life completely on their own! This is freeing and should be celebrated. Why? They were wrong for you. You might feel like you had the rug pulled out from under you but once you get your emotions back on track it will seem like a real blessing.

2. Don’t Let Fear of Rejection Stop You From Taking Risks

The fear of rejection alone keeps so many people from getting what they desperately want in their lives. Don’t be one of those people. I guarantee you won’t be on your deathbed saying “I’m so glad I never flirted with that hot guy, he might not have liked me.” I feel ridiculous even typing that.

In the long run, regret is much more painful than rejection. If you got rejected, at least you tried to do something! This is infinitely better than letting the chance to gain something great pass you by.

Rejection hurts temporarily and then it’s over. The nice thing is, if you’re getting rejected, someone probably doesn’t want you in their life. This also means that you don’t have to face them while you lick your wounds. If you’re temporarily embarrassed, you can be embarrassed away from them. Perfect.

3. Handle Your Problems

Another reason why people run into problems with rejection is that they have those elephants in the room that they use to turn into reasons why another person might not want to get into a relationship with them.

You must handle your problems so you don’t have these skeletons in your closet waiting to become excuses for why you aren’t meeting anyone good. If you desperately need to fix your finances or see a therapist, do that. If you had a shitty childhood and as a result have bad relationships with everyone, find a way to get over it.

If you don’t handle your problems, this will only serve to create more issues. When you meet someone you really, really like, the inevitable “skeleton in my closet” conversation will stress you out and possibly ruin everything. Second, it gives you an excuse for why you’re not meeting anyone good.

So handle your problems now while they are small, before you have to have “the talk” about any of it with a new beau.

4. Deal With Your Negative Attitudes About Yourself and The Dating Pool

If you think that you’re a fat sack who never deserves anything good, why in the world would anyone want to be around you?

If you believe that all men are pigs, why would one want to make a life with you?

If you moan to everyone who will listen that all the great guys are already taken, how could you meet an eligible, single one of them?

Here is the reality about paralyzing beliefs. If I believed that the atmosphere outside my house would literally kill me, would I ever go outside? Of course not! This is exactly what you’re doing to yourself when you stop believing that there is someone great out there for you. You’re needlessly limiting your options and spewing negativity into the world.

It’s time to exorcise these unhappy, negative attitudes. If you have to, get a rubber band and snap it every time you hear yourself saying something negative. Don’t hate on cute couples. Don’t hate on men. Don’t hate on anyone. When negativity slips out, I want to hear a loud snap of that rubber band.

The alternative is to wallow and stay stuck. If all you really want to do is have cheese and whine with your girlfriends about your negative feelings regarding the male population, don’t let me stop you. Just don’t believe that Mr. Right will ever come along, or stay long once he finds out how much you hate the menfolk.

5. Let Go

Make it a big, important personal goal to practice letting go of all resentment, anger and hurt that you’ve experienced in relationships. If you’re bitter and angry, realize that other people can tell, even if you try to hide it. Anger and resentment are like a horrible-smelling perfume that wafts into the room before you do.

If you’re hung up on your past relationships, it’s guaranteed you’re turning people off right and left. A healthy, happy person will quickly tire of dealing with your truckload of baggage.

Let go of all of those people who walked into your life and promptly searched for the door. Don’t call them. Don’t text. Don’t send them Christmas cards. Say goodbye to the hope that it would work out and let their rejection set you free to find the right person. Don’t obsess about the reasons, what you said or what you did. Be unapologetic about cutting them out of your life. Move on!

Cultivating anger and negative emotions will just poison you and make it harder to meet someone great.

6. Stop Taking Rejection Personally

It’s important to remember that the experience of rejection doesn’t automatically translate into a failing on your part. For whatever reason, you weren’t right for them. Maybe they are terribly flawed and the relationship was too much for them. Maybe you were too beautiful, positive, happy or type-A. Maybe you were too organized. Maybe they were too self-centered. Maybe you two just didn’t click.

It doesn’t matter why you are wrong for someone. If you’re not right for them, you’re not right for them. It is not up for debate. Don’t fight it or get angry, it’s just a simple fact. I might not love vanilla ice cream, but that doesn’t make vanilla ice cream not worthy, right? Same with you. You just weren’t their flavor. Understand that this doesn’t make you any less loveable. It doesn’t diminish you that things just didn’t work out.

7. Avoid Revenge

Don’t under any circumstances try and “get even” with someone who has rejected you. Don’t even vaguely fantasize about it. Concede that it was good (or not) while it lasted, shake their hand and move on.

In the case of someone leaving you for someone else or cheating on you, this can sound incredibly difficult, but it’s even more important. They will have long moved on while you’re still holding the emotional bag. Be the classy lady you are and take it on the cheek.

This is not being a doormat, it’s being smart. The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. If you appear indifferent to his transgression, leave him and move on, you will stay on his mind a lot longer than if you went all bunny boiler and gave him a reason to refer to you as “his crazy ex.” If you were hoping for revenge, just know that your calm handling of his rejection will drive him nuts for years.

8. Get Rejected More Often

If you have to, turn dating into a game. See how many people you can meet in the course of a week. Smile at people. FLIRT. Flirt like your life depends on it. If you must, learn how to flirt. Stop judging people who know how to flirt and vow to learn from them. If you know someone already good at flirting, ask them about it.

If you aren’t getting rejected at least occasionally, you’re playing it too safe. If your feelings are never hurt, there’s a good chance that you’re not getting any closer to meeting the right person.

Practice makes perfect. If you’re getting every door closed in your face, you learn that is a normal condition and it ceases to hurt your feelings as much as it did in the beginning. If you’ve always been told how great you are and suddenly go through a divorce or a bad breakup, the spiral can be brutal because you’re just not familiar with it.

This is why it’s critical to get rejected more. In the context of dating and relationships, this means to meet more people and go on more dates. Go on dates with the long shot. Go on lots of dates. If you have to, spare your feelings about the outcome by pretending you’re conducting an anthropology experiment on the human race. Go after people who you aren’t certain about. Face all fear like it’s your job.

Eventually rejection won’t be that big of a deal anymore because you’ll be so focused on the future that it will only seem like a blip on your radar.

Changing your attitude about rejection can change your whole life. Each and every time you start to feel like someone is blowing you off or that sinking feeling when they want to “talk”, I want you to be thankful that you’re getting that much closer to meeting the right person for you.

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6 thoughts on “How To Deal With Rejection Like a Rockstar”

  1. Avatar

    Coming from a guy , this is sound advice & a lot applies to guys too. Being female means dealing with much less rejection than an average guy , also women are generally BRUTAL to guys they are not attracted to that approach them , whilst working as door staff a lot of young women made it a ” sport ” to reject guys ( they were NOT being sleazy or overstepping boundaries ) with a vicious ” FUCK OFF CREEP !! ” type manner , then heap further humiliation on the poor guys by laughing at them like a pack of hyenas !! This is why most guys will NOT approach women…male attention seems as welcome as Ebola in this day & age. If a woman does actually want a guy , seeing as there are also far more men than women , plus she is generally the chooser , then she has things quite easy. Guys often are never given a chance.

    1. Avatar

      You’re absolutely right. I’m 58 years old and have had nothing but rejection from every woman I’ve ever had a sweet tooth for and been attracted to. Now I’m not a virgin and I’ve had girlfriends before, but the ones I have been truly attracted to were NEVER attracted to me. I don’t know if this is just brutally bad luck or some sort of curse but I hate living like this. Women truly do have it made and are holding all the cards when it comes to dating.

  2. Avatar

    Apologies if my last post sounded ” ranty ” , I intended those to be words of comfort to the ladies , highlighting their vast advantages over guys in the dating world & that they have plenty of choice….& what women DO NOT have to endure in the process !!

    Kudos to you , Elizabeth , for pushing for mutual gender understanding , men are demonized by ” society ” just for possession of a Y chromosome & are always portrayed as stupid , sex crazed rapist pieces of excreta by the ” media “. Please correct me if I’m wrong , but women do seem to view men in a mainly negative light , I think as a result of ” media ” programming.

  3. Avatar

    You know your stuff & this is a great site , looking for products to promote as an affiliate brought me here as the potential market is huge , due to our , deliberately engineered , very rotten society. On a personal note there will be no more relationships for me , getting ready to fly solo…& stay solo !!

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