Today, we’re going to talk about something really pretty cool. It’s the seven things men hide from women and why men lie to women.
So, do men lie to women?
Well yes, of course, we do.
Do men lie every five minutes as the media would have you believe?
In fact, men hate to lie to women.
We know we’re not good at it and we don’t like to deceive you or mislead you. Believe it or not, yes, this is a very big motivator for guys.
Yes, on occasion, you’re going to run into a kind of guy who is a compulsive liar but it’s actually extremely rare.
So, is hiding stuff from you lying?
Is lying a form of deceit?
Should he always be upfront and transparent about himself to you all the time, every minute of every day?
It’s an interesting question that we’re actually going to dive into here.
First, let’s talk three primary reasons why men lie to women.
He doesn’t want to disappoint you.
Ironically, this reason is also why he hates himself for telling you that lie in the first place. Men hate that look of abject disappointment on your face. You know just like that little cat Puss in Boots from the Shrek movies.
We hate that look on your face we know that we’ve let you down. It’s one of the worst things a man can experience.
He doesn’t want the drama.
The emotional turmoil that could be created by the truth is never as attractive as – well, just sweeping it under the carpet. He also feels like this is doing you a favor by kind of sparing you alll that emotional upheaval.
And let’s be really honest here.
Do you find yourself creating some emotional heaviness for him when there is one of those really heavy conversations?
Could that be maybe that that’s demotivating him from wanting to tell you the truth? It’s food for thought.
He wants to impress you.
The third reason men lie is because he wants to impress you.
It’s not easy competing for women’s attention. Men feel like we’re the ones that have to lock in the girl of our dreams and if we find a woman that interests us, well we don’t want to lose her, right?
We feel like we’re a little bit on the scarcity side of things. So a little lie about our college football performance doesn’t seem like a huge price to pay.
Now, some women might consider lying a bad enough offense but right up there is stuff the guy might be hiding from you.
After all, why does he need to hide anything from you?
Shouldn’t he just be an open book?
Well, we’re going to tackle the philosophical part of these questions in a moment.
First, here’s the part you’ve been dying for, seven things men hide from women.
1. He’s hiding his p0rn.
You knew this one, right?
Nowadays, it’s not like he needs to keep his old VHS tapes or DVDs.
Heck, anyone can surf over to a website these days and get a quick five-minute fix of video. There’s not much but his browser history to clean up.
The funny thing is that guys will still hold on to their old discs as if they were a rare collector’s editions of Led Zeppelin albums or gold doubloons.
Why do guys hold on to this stuff?
Mostly because throwing out erotica feels like a horrible betrayal. That’s right. Because after all, when we were 12 years old, every single boy was silently praying to find a crate full of Playboys or X-rated movies by the trash dumpster.
It would have been like manna from heaven. He’d much rather pack it up, put it in a time machine and send it back to his pubescent self.
So there’s a good chance he’s got a few treasures he’s holding on to somewhere. It could be in a box in his attic or closet. It could be under the bed. It could be a secret little directory on his hard drive where he’s keeping all those little MP4 videos. But somewhere, he’s hiding is naughty little stash and he doesn’t want you to know he’s got it.
Let’s be real here. First of all, you know he’s got it but you finding it ISN’T going to make your relationship stronger.
The fact that he likes Back Door Girls numbers 9, 10, and 11 is not going to help your relationship. The best thing you can do is to encourage him, to share his dirty movie interest with you someday.
The less he feels judged by the woman in his life, the more he’s going to reach out to connect.
Read that again:
The LESS he feels judged by the woman in his life, the MORE he’s going to reach out and connect.
2. He’s hiding his “number.”
You know which number, right?
His past intimate partners.
Even if he does tell you “A” number, it’s not the real number.
Yes, he lies about this in the same way you’re fibbing about your number.
Men have a way of exaggerating up and women exaggerate their number down. So let it go.
This is another one of those things that does nothing to improve your relationship with him in any way.
3. He’s hiding his sexual interest in your friends, your sister, (whoever, etc.).
I should say he’s trying to hide it because well, unfortunately, most guys make it pretty easy to spot when they found a woman attractive. His behavior changes in some pretty obvious ways.
The reality is that men will meet a woman who is part of your life and then sometimes think, “Wow, she’s pretty hot.”
This doesn’t mean that he’s going to sleep with her or cheat on you her or anything like that. He might flirt with her, and unfortunately guys don’t have that instant filter that women do for selecting sexual partners.
You see, a woman can instantaneously exclude a guy from being a mate because well, you’re a woman, you get to choose, right?
Guys get chosen, so every woman remains a candidate for us.
It’s the way mother nature seems to like it and we can’t argue with mom, right?
4. He’s hiding his phone or at least he’s hiding the access code to it.
You should never snoop through your partner’s phone.
Doing so is invasive.
It’s a clear indication of low self-esteem on your part and a surefire way to get him totally pissed off with you.
Snooping through a man’s phone is a terrible idea but a lot of women disagree with me on this point and justify their snooping by saying:
“Well, why is he hiding his phone from me?”
“If he seems sneaky, I have a right to find out what’s going on, don’t I?”
If a man seems sneaky to you, start by thinking about two things right off the bat.
First, ask yourself if you’ve created a punishment environment in your relationship.
What is the punishment environment?
That’s where he’s never going to feel very safe or comfortable and he’s never going to feel like it’s in his best interest to openly talk about things with you.
He won’t reveal things because he’s going to feel like you’re not going to react positively. That sets up an environment of presumed punishment.
A lot of women unknowingly create this kind of punishment atmosphere in their relationships.
Secondly, if a man is being sneaky, instead of invading his privacy, maybe sitting down with him and airing your feelings first would be a good step in the right direction.
Let him know what’s concerning you about its behavior and then give him a chance to come clean.
You would be surprised about how many men are going up actually open up and tell you what’s going on if you give him the space to open up and really listen to him.
Don’t talk, just really listen to him.
Don’t judge or be on the edge of your seat, ready to berate or condemn him.
Remember THAT creates the punishment environment but no matter what you might think, don’t jump to conclusions about what he’s been doing.
Most of the time the stuff you would find on this phone is pretty boring and innocent. Sometimes it’s just flirty conversations that aren’t going to go anywhere and he knows that.
Sometimes it’s a collection of boob pictures that would have made Hugh Hefner jealous.
Or maybe it’s text comments to a coworker about that new girl in accounting that gives J. Lo a run for her money in the booty department.
Whatever it is, you don’t have to snoop on him, nor do you need to go looking for more things to try and interpret.
Give him is private space because that’s one of those things men fear losing most, especially in a committed relationship.
You see that connection?
That’s right. Denying him his private space is one of the things that will stop him from committing and connecting to you.
5. He you from his friends.
Yes, he hides you from his friends until he knows you’re a keeper.
Look, you do the exact same thing.
We all do it unless we’re trying to hurry the relationship along artificially so we can keep someone from pulling away from us not that anyone to do that anyway.
So don’t be offended that he isn’t immediately parading you in front of his family and friends. He wants to be sure that you’re someone who he will not only approve of but also his social circle and his family will see the same things in you that he does.
Mind you, if you still haven’t met his friends or parents after five months of consistent dating, you’ve got every right to ask him what the hell is going on.
6. Men hide particularly dramatic and explosive relationships.
We’ve all had a person that just brought out the worst in us. Somehow they just knew how to open up our 64-ounce can of crazy.
He doesn’t want to talk about those two months when he got drunk and practically stalked his crazy ex into getting a restraining order.
Or the psycho chick who used to manipulate him through jealousy.
Or even when he was just a really a dick to a sweet girl.
These are the places that no man wants to go to in his mind.
He might pound the wall of the shower one morning to deal with the sudden recall of it but he’s never going to tell you. And if he does, well, that man is rock solid in love with you beyond all hope. Just propose to him right on the spot. That leads my to the last thing on my list of things men hide from women.
7. He hides that he’s completely out of control around you.
This is one thing he will hide from you as much as he possibly can, the same way you do around guys that you’re really crazy over, right?
You don’t want to scare him off especially if he thinks you might be the one, his soulmate.
You see guys hate that unnerving loss of self-control that they feel around a woman that they really like. It’s like someone pushed an override button on this emotional self-control.
And now, he’s completely at your mercy, which by the way is one of the reasons that men pull away from you.
They know that they can’t resist what’s happening to them.
So instead, he creates some distance so that he can regain some of that loss of self-control.
Interesting insight there, right?
You see guys do crazy things when they’re under the influence of love— much crazier in many ways than women ever do.
I think that’s why those scenes in romantic comedies where he runs through an airport or holds up a boom box and does some crazy gesture resonate so much with women.
You basically have a hunger for those wild displays of emotion from a guy that proves that he’s actually feeling what you are because guys are so stoic and reserved.
So, IS he actually hiding something from you?
And, is whatever he’s hiding from you necessarily a bad thing?
No man wants to disappoint you so he sees his lying or hiding a few unsavory details as being the lesser of two evils.
From his point of view, if he tells you an inconvenient truth and you freak out. Well now, he’s in a dog house and he’s upset you. It makes more sense more sense to him to forego honesty for smooth, untroubled waters.
And.. let’s be honest about being honest.
No one is 100 percent honest.
We’re all hiding a few things away because we’re afraid that it would make the other person completely lose it if they knew our deep, dark secrets.
No one is totally open and honest all the time. Pretending you are is actually a kind of self-deception. It’s being dishonest to yourself to say that you’re honest to everybody else.
So let’s lose the hypocrisy.
We ALL need to keep a few things under wraps and hidden.
Stay away from those articles that tell you 328 signs he’s hiding a deep, dark secret from you.
Or five ways to figure out he’s lying to you because you KNOW he is, sister.
Those trashy advice columns that teach you how to watch him all the time for signals of deception are only going to breed paranoia and discontent.
Once you walk down that path, you’re probably going to wind up creating the very situation that you fear which is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hiding something doesn’t automatically mean a person doesn’t trust you or isn’t trust-able.
Just because he doesn’t jump at the opportunity to tell you every deep, dark secret meandering around his mind doesn’t mean he’s a creepy serial killer.
Constantly sharing everything he’s thinking or doing would be emotionally exhausting and draining for both of you to manage and deal with.
Let’s also be clear that if you’re hiding anything that would undermine your relationship or jeopardize it, you need to get it out of there.
You need to get it out of your system and handled. You have to keep the lines of communication open.
There’s a balance to be struck here. Make sure you know when you’re getting either too paranoid or too naïve.
Remember when I told you that he might be hiding a complete loss of emotional control from you because he might think you’re actually his soulmate?
Well, this is one of the few times you actually should be watching for signals.
In fact, a man gives off certain signals when he thinks that you might be the one.
More importantly, he’s actually looking for a very special signal in you that will tell him whether or not he can move forward with you, commit to you and whether he will propose to you.
Do you know what that secret signal a man is going to commit actually is?
Triggering his drive to commit to you is SO important.