Is he a cheater?
Finding out that you’re being cheated on is miserable. It’s as though the rug has been pulled out from under you. Trusting again is a minefield, and you’re left wondering what exactly to do about the whole thing.
But what if you’re actually not sure whether a man is cheating on you or not?
Unfortunately there are some tell-tale signs he’s cheating to look out for. Keep in mind while reading this list that some of these are more obvious than others, and if you suspect that he’s a cheater, it’s worth having an adult discussion.
1. He’s got a sudden renewed interest in his appearance.
This might include a new gym routine, better hygiene (more showers, particularly right when he gets home), experimentation with new grooming products and new clothes. The spare tire that he used to complain about (but didn’t fix) has started to disappear. He has started to carry himself differently and more attractively, in a good way.
2. His daily routine has changed.
If he’s smart and has thought about this, he will introduce new changes slowly- without a recognizable pattern. The changes will add up to him spending less time at home. He might be working later, have renewed his interest in an old hobby or kicked off a new gym routine.
3. His taste in music changes suddenly.
When we like someone new, often we absorb their taste in music by simple virtue of being exposed to something new we haven’t heard before. This odd sign he’s cheating on you is best demonstrated in the music he plays in the car, garage or his private spaces.
4. He guards his technology protectively.
His phone is suddenly never left in plain view and he protects his computer passwords with more vigor than a mama bear.
5. His finances are a mystery.
Sometimes mysterious charges show up on your joint accounts or those “work lunches” get much more expensive. If you don’t already share finances, he’s likely to be even more protective and secretive about his finances. It won’t add up.
6. Work has “gotten crazy.”
Cheaters usually have to find time somewhere to cultivate their relationship with the other woman.
If your man suddenly has to work a lot of overtime, go on business trips or work weekends, something might be up. The key to this sign of cheating is that his job used to be predictable but now it isn’t.
7. The scent of suspicion.
Have you smelled something new on him? If he doesn’t do the “come home and shower immediately” routine, lingering perfume can be a real tell-tale sign he’s a cheater.
8. His mood is a mess.
He’s suddenly Mr. Hot and Cold.
Whether he’s being markedly nicer to you or flying off the handle a lot more often, there is something about his mood that just seems different and well… off. He might even become combative and start picking fights with you.
Some men will even stoop so low as to start a fight with you so that they can storm off… right over to the other woman’s house.
9. He’s gotten a new “friend” at work.
Has he started gushing about a co-worker? Does he mention repeatedly spending lunches with someone new? Does he suddenly make weird, awkward jokes about his new “work wife”?
Those are all potential signs he’s cheating, or at least on the way to having an emotional affair with another woman. While you don’t want to overreact to him making friends, most people meet their affair partners at places they normally go in the course of their daily routine.
10. He’s suddenly interested in car-related primping.
Before he might have been content with creating an eiffel tower of take out boxes in the back seat of his car. Suddenly he’s become Mr. Clean and refuses to let you leave so much as a cardigan on the backseat. If you have young kids, it might seem like he tries to get you to move their car seats to your car— or they keep getting sneakily repositioned.
This one is cliche and obvious but I had to include it. If you find another woman’s hair on him or around your home, it’s a potential danger sign. Be really careful with this sign of cheating though, since an isolated incident can be chalked up to bad luck.
12. You catch him lying more often.
Sooner or later, you’re likely to catch him stretching the truth. Unfortunately lying also leaves clues. Find out the signs he’s lying.
13. Your sex life is on fire or totally dead.
Both of these situations are signs that he’s cheating. He might feel more confident and seem to be on fire sexually, or he might have quit initiating sex completely. Either one is a red flag that trouble is on the horizon.
14. He has become jealous and suspicious of you.
Psychological projection is a defense mechanism people use to avoid taking responsibility for things that they feel bad about. Projection is when people deny an impulse that they have and insist that other people are doing the same behavior. In the case of cheating, a man who cheats might become genuinely suspicious about what you’re doing.
Since he’s cheating, he considers the possibility that you could cheat on him to be probable or even likely.
Once someone makes a habit of being unfaithful, it sets them up to look for signs that you’re doing the same. This kind of explosive jealousy can also be a way that they sabotage the relationship in order to make their exit.
15. He has sudden doubts about the future of your relationship.
Depending on the stage of the relationship that you’re in, your guy used to talk about getting married or growing old together. When he used to seem certain that things were going to go the distance, now he seems hesitant.
If you used to think a proposal might be coming, now it feels solidly out of reach. If you’re married, he’s grown cold and distracted.
16. He feels withdrawn and distant.
The little, sweet moments that you used to share have gotten few and far between. It feels like he makes a lot less time for you and there is an overall sinking feeling that he just isn’t there for you like he used to be.
17. Your gut says something is off.
Let’s face it. If you’re reading about signs he’s cheating, it’s very likely that you already sense that something is off between the two of you.
While it’s important not to let your imagination run wild, consider the signs he’s cheating that you’ve already noticed. Can they be easily explained or is it likely he’s a cheater? Only you can tell. But don’t automatically explain it away if you’re feeling that creepy feeling in your gut.
What Should You DO If You Suspect He’s Cheating?
If you’re seeing signs he’s cheating on you, it’s easy to overreact and have a scary confrontation with him.
…And, if you choose to get angry with him, I don’t blame you. You’re only human. But, there’s a better way– and it’s not through trying to logically CONVINCE him he’s wrong.