5 Ways To Be The Best Girlfriend He’s Ever Had (Advice From A Man)


how to be a good girlfriend

Just like women, men want different things in a relationship. I, for instance, prefer a clingy woman… you know, the type that gets mad when I don’t call or text back. Or the kind that comes home early, makes dinner and waits for me in bed without a bra. That’s my obsession. Another guy, probably in Jamaica, wants a woman who can smoke weed and party like an Egyptian Cyprian.

Case in point – men all want different things in a woman.

But when it comes to love, we are all sentimental to some extent and we pretty much want the same things.

I’m sure there are lots of magazines and blogs that have published guides on how to be a good girlfriend, and you’ve probably read some of them, but I want to break down how to be a good girlfriend even more. Here you go:

1. Have lots of self-respect and don’t compromise your dignity.

In my opinion, the first rule of being loved is loving yourself first.

Sure, it sounds a little selfish, but if you don’t respect yourself, don’t expect anybody to do it for you, or to you for that matter. Men find independent women overly attractive. So be independent, even in the way you carry yourself. Make him understand that you love him but you don’t need him. Mark your boundaries in bold and when he’s being an asshole, don’t hesitate to point it out.

Be bold enough to express how you feel and hold your ground. Being a little clingy is one thing but being a pushover is a whole different story.

2. Understand the difference between being supportive and being controlling.

Setbacks are inevitable in life, and your boyfriend has no immunity either. Sometimes, things get rough and as hard as he tries, nothing really works. Understanding that this is just a phase of life and learning to embrace it is key.

As his girlfriend, you need to stand by him. He needs you now more than ever. A common mistake among women, however, is going too far; what I like to call, overegging the pudding. Making decisions for him simply because he’s vulnerable is not being supportive. Stop pushing him around. Things are already hard for him, so don’t make them worse. Instead, talk to him in a reassuring way, derive solutions to the problem together and above all, don’t underestimate him.

3. Give him some space.

When your boyfriend goes to a party with his friends and doesn’t invite you, it’s because it’s fun and it makes him happy, not because he’s trying to avoid you. When he’s texting on his phone and you can’t see it, it’s because he is private and it’s none of your business, not because he’s flirting with the blonde girl next door.

Trust is important in a relationship. As hard as it might be, stop doubting his intentions as much as you can. If you have a problem with his behavior, approach him maturely instead of snooping around. Other than earning his trust, you’ll save yourself from a lot of anger, drama and sleepless nights.

4. Handle fights maturely.

Love is like a hill; there’s the ups and the downs, and as far as fights go, it’s only natural that they happen to you.

In fact, if you never argue with your boyfriend, your relationship is probably already doomed. Disputes are core in any relationship; it’s what makes our voices heard. Besides, you can’t expect everything to run smoothly all the time. You’re not Romeo and Juliet. Occasional fights are a necessary evil over the long term. That said, it’s important to act maturely when they occur.

Understand that when he brings up an issue and you fight, it’s because he wants you to understand something about him or the relationship, not because he wants to hurt you intentionally. Try to be a good listener, forgive and forget and don’t air your dirty laundry on social media.

5. Keep your own interests and passions.

Above and beyond that relationship, you have your own life to live. Get a new look every now and then, go to the gym, eat healthy, get a career, stay in trend etcetera etcetera. You’re fully responsible for whatever you choose to do with your life. So explore, explore, explore.

Don’t let any relationship hold you back but keep your boyfriend actively involved in whatever you’re doing when it makes sense. You can, for example, ask him to accompany you to a road trip with your friends, or ask his opinion on things… just anything to assure him that his opinion matters to you. As silly it sounds, he likes knowing you appreciate his opinion. The more active you are in your own life, the more lively your relationship will become.

As I said earlier, we are all different in regards to tastes. No cheat sheet really exists with respect to matters concerning the heart. It’s important to evaluate your relationship and understand your partner fully. Then you can play by your own rules to make things work.

Learn to love from your heart and don’t use your relationship as a tool to fill a broken part within yourself. Balance your emotions with your thoughts and be confident in the love you share. As a bonus point, don’t try making your partner jealous in hopes of getting a reaction to prove that he loves you. I know they do it in the movies, but it’s often more of a “Don’t try this at home” kind of thing.

RELATED: The Strangest Thing Men Desire (But Will NEVER Tell You)

Kaka Kabaya

About Kaka Kabaya

Kaka Kabaya is a Kenyan Certified Life Coach, Motivational Speaker and Blogger at Guy Talk, a community Blog on Men’s issues and Lifestyle.

As the world fast-paces its way into gender equality and moral civilization, voicing out our opinions in a way that everybody can relate to is all we have left. Visit Guy Talk for more insightful and helpful content you can relate to. You can also follow his work on Twitter and LinkedIn


  1. Jodene Cummings

    May 6, 2018 at 5:28 pm

    I desperately need help to get my husband to desire me again. I’m very unhappy with our emotional connection right now and I’m afraid our marriage is about to end.

    • Kaka Kabaya

      May 7, 2018 at 3:11 am

      Hi Jodene.
      If you feel that you have lost your connection to your husband, the first thing would be to talk to him about it. Communication is key in every marriage. Remind him of the good times you once shared, and tell him how much you miss that. You should also consider going on a vacation or a road trip together. Just anything to refresh your minds and strengthen your bond together

  2. Wendy

    May 8, 2018 at 12:42 am

    My bf always talks about women and he loves women alot but he always tell me dat he loves even if he sleep with another woman outside but am seriously in love with him and wants him to love me back please I need your advice

    • Kaka Kabaya

      May 8, 2018 at 11:16 am

      The first thing to do once you confirm that your boyfriend is cheating on you is to decide if you really want to stay and if the relationship is worth saving. Only you can make this decision. A good place to start would be to confront him about it and try to get to the root of the problem. Cheating partners are always looking for something extra and if you can find out what this need is, then maybe you can try and compromise. Just don’t let your love for him stop you from making the right decision. Love with your heart, but take your brain with you.
      Good luck.

  3. crown

    May 9, 2018 at 4:10 am

    My bf doesn’t love me as much as he says. he always gets angry over slight issues and wouldn’t even pick my call. I love him so much! Please how can I get him back to me? what else do I tell him? *so confused* I’ve begged him already. Help me!

  4. rita

    May 20, 2018 at 1:40 pm

    my guy broke my trust in him on our first month of dating. I caught him in bed with his exgirlfriend. Its now two years since we started dating, we’ve always had ups and downs am always insecure,beside that, am always on top of his passwords, have tried quiting the relationship so many times but he has never let me go.i dont trust him fully and that makes us have fights all the time since i am always suspecting him. He has beaten me several times, yeah i know i am short tempered,sometimes i just provoke him and he ends up beating me,he has always told me am strict as his mother of which is true..we love each other so much,but sometimes i wonder whether this is meant to be or we’re just wasting our time.

    • Kaka Kabaya

      May 25, 2018 at 4:14 am

      Hi Rita. I’m sorry for what you are going through. While I can’t exactly tell you what to do in this situation, I will say that sometimes the hardest decisions are the usually the best decisions. Personally, I don’t advocate for domestic violence and I would encourage you to see a Marriage Counselor together. The final decision on what you should do is, however, your call. A few weeks ago I wrote a guide on How to tell if your relationship is worth saving after your partner cheats. You can read it here https://www.guytalk.xyz/2018/05/17/how-to-tell-if-a-relationship-is-worth-saving-after-your-partner-cheats/
      Let me know if that helps.

  5. Oxygen

    June 15, 2018 at 6:01 am

    my boyfriend is a year younger than me. Plus he’ll be graduating from the University in two years’time, whereas I’m graduating this year. D’you think our relationship would still be as strong once I leave school? Especially as I’m older.

    • Kaka Kabaya

      July 30, 2018 at 5:57 am

      Of course! Relationships are all about effort and commitment. If you both work on the relationship, then I don’t see why age should be a factor.

  6. bianca

    July 1, 2018 at 3:42 pm

    I have a baby daddy and his been acting up.sometimes he calls me once a week.I found a twitter that his ex was posting on her twitt,he liked the post and started following her.when I confronted him.he didn’t respond. the last time I saw him was on December last year.and I also saw him on the 16th of June..when he found whatsaap text and a pic of me and the new guy..I wanted him to feel the pain he has caused me.what should I do cz I tried fixing it but his on about hw will never trust me again.but his forgetting the things he put me through my pregnancy.. what should I do please help.. from you knowing do u think I should move on with my life are try and sort things out.

    • Kaka Kabaya

      July 30, 2018 at 6:12 am

      Well, it sounds like you are both trying to keep score in the relationship, and I strongly feel like you both need couple’s counseling. One golden rule in successful relationships is “Never do anything to your partner that you wouldn’t want them doing to you”. Perhaps you should consider seeing a counselor to help you break down your relationship deeper and advice you accordingly.

  7. Ali

    July 7, 2018 at 12:41 am

    My boyfriend is going to have a baby soon with another woman. He hasn’t told me yet but then I accidentally knew about it sometime back. He doesn’t know that I know about it and he isn’t even showing any signs of what he did. I do not know how to approach him about the matter. Pliz help me ????????????

  8. Fauziyya

    July 27, 2018 at 8:12 am

    If my boyfriend doesn’t calls me regularly, does dat means he doesn’t love me?

    • Kaka Kabaya

      July 30, 2018 at 6:05 am

      Not really Fauziyya. Sometimes men are just busy, and it often has nothing to do with the relationship. It could be he is tied in his job or caught up in other pressing matters. To be fair, put yourself in his shoes and try seeing things from his perspective and maybe you will understand why he is being “unavailable”. However, if you feel that he is intentionally ignoring you, try confronting him with how you feel. Communication is key in every relationship

  9. Swanzy

    August 7, 2018 at 6:06 am

    My boyfriend told me he nearly cheated on me, with a family friend, i believed him the day he told me but i began to doubt that nothing happened between them. I want to figure out whether he could be telling the truth.

  10. Nana Yaa

    August 7, 2018 at 8:18 am

    I have being dating a guy who is 6 years older than me for 3 years now. He said initially that he wants me as his girlfriend and wife. His father doesn’t want me but he keeps assuring me everything will be fine. he traveled out of the country a year ago, only to tell me last week that we’ve broken up which I’m not aware of. He claimed me made me aware of the break up before leaving the country. He still treats me as how we should to be. He told me the relationship has no future and that he just want to be fucking me forever and be his without getting married to me but marry a different lady. I am an Senior High Graduate and he is doing his masters. I love the guy so much and I don’t know what to do. pls help me

  11. Creamy

    August 8, 2018 at 6:50 am

    My boyfriend is a sweet opposite of most of the points listed above:
    He wants me by his side every moment, each time he sees the Alpha Female and independent sides of me, he feels threatened like he’s gon’a lose me to someone else, making him feel so down and sad. He loves me like crazy, and I love him right back. I’m not allowed to give him any space, we don’t need that space, cos we connect in diverse magical ways. He wants to be involved in everything I do, gosh! He so committed to our relationship, so much so that spending time apart without anything reasonable in between is a ‘taboo’. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love him, maybe it’s cos he’s a Togolese ???????? I’m so addicted to him.

  12. Adebukola

    August 14, 2018 at 4:24 pm

    Hi, I don’t know if I’m being paranoid or something but I just feel my boyfriend is distant from me somehow.
    He’s been acting weird lately of which is getting me confused. This is someone that will never let a day pass by without calling me buh now of I don’t he won’t call, tho he does call once in a while…
    I love him do dearly and I don’t want to lose him. Pls help me how do I get my boyfriend to be fully involved with me back…

  13. Wjay

    August 14, 2018 at 6:45 pm

    Hello I was dating this guy for sometime and he has a girlfriend so I confronted him about her and he told me that he want my kind of person.. But sometimes I feel unsafe about the girl still been around him. So after some weeks we traveled and came back he drastically changed and my mind told him he went back to her. I asked him and he denied it and in a way told me he doesn’t like my attitude whenever he talks to me about trusting him and I told him that am just somehow insecure because of the other girl and I told his sister about it, he got angry and told me the relationship is over but before then he will still come around me and we make out together,and I feel it’s all about the sex but I still love him. What do I do pls?

  14. Dedoyin

    December 9, 2018 at 6:07 am

    Hum,my boyfriend is all very sweet and loving guy tho sometimes I feel insecure in the relationship.i love him to the bones nd I wish I can have him to myself forever

  15. anonymous

    December 10, 2018 at 11:41 am

    Me n my boyfriend hv been dating for almost 2years now, he has introduced me to his family but my problem is he I don’t know wr he stays n if I can speak of visiting him he will make excuses like I don’t trust him but he has access to wr I stay he even come at midnight, please help is dis normal to date a guy for two years without knowing wr he stays or am being paranoid

  16. Cynthia

    February 10, 2019 at 11:15 am

    I hv a boyfriend dah am dating,he always try to mk mi know dah he doesn’t cheat on mi,he tells his fwends bout mi.
    buh d p I hv wit him s dah he takes every little tin serious,nd cn snubb mi for long without mindin hw am gonna feel,he hardly call nor text.do u tink he loves mi?

  17. Maya

    May 24, 2019 at 5:02 am

    I have needing dating this for some months now,we met on Facebook now stopped dating online on WhatsApp,we met once personal , but since then we have never meet or go out for a normal dating to talk more about us and our relationship..I don’t know any of his relatives ,he only tells me the I will meet them one , he use to text me , call me now he has stopped saying he is busy with work, if I haven’t text him on WhatsApp he will not , but he replies to all my texts, now I don’t know if he love or not but he always tell me that he love me, not I just sometimes feel insecure,…. I don’t know what to do but I don’t want to lose him I love him so much please help me ????I’m confused and this .

  18. dina nel

    October 14, 2019 at 11:39 pm

    me and my boyfriend had some issue some years back and he came and beg for for us to come back together and I accepted but I came to realize that the feeling is no longer there some times after sex I feel nothing and some time I remember what he did at d past and the anger in me grow me but I can’t leave me because I have tried countless times but I still can’t. I always ask my self what if we later end up together and I still have this feeling about him pls I need you advance

  19. Ella

    October 15, 2019 at 6:31 am

    my fiance is stingy and it has been a problem between us pls what should I do to stop his stinginess

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