Finding out that you have been cheated on is miserable. The trust you shared is broken and the rug has been pulled out from under you.
Trusting again after cheating is an emotional minefield, and you’re left wondering what exactly to do about the whole thing.
What if you’re actually not sure yet whether he is cheating on you or not?
Keep in mind while reading this list that some of these are more obvious than others, and if you suspect that he’s cheating on you, it’s worth having an adult discussion with your evidence– before doing anything else.
Here are several tell-tale signs he’s cheating to look out for.
1. Your gut says something is off.
If you’re reading about signs he’s cheating, it’s very likely you already sense something is off between the two of you.
While it’s important not to let your imagination run wild, consider the signs he’s cheating that you’ve already noticed.
Can they be easily explained or is it likely he’s being unfaithful?
Only you can tell. But don’t automatically explain it away if you’re feeling that creepy feeling in your gut.
2. His daily routine has significantly changed.
If he’s smart and has thought about this, he will introduce new changes slowly- without any recognizable pattern.
The changes to his daily routine add up to him spending less time at home.
He might be working later, renewed his interest in a hobby, started a new gym routine or several of these.
3. Work has “gotten crazy.”
A great way to hide cheating is to cover it with claims he has some change in his work hours or a big project going on.
If he man suddenly has to work a lot of overtime, go on business trips or work weekends, something might be up.
The key to recognizing whether or not this is a sign of cheating is that his job used to be predictable but now it isn’t.
4. He’s taken a sudden interest in his appearance.
This might include a new gym routine, better hygiene (more showers, particularly right when he gets home), experimentation with new grooming products and new clothes.
The spare tire that he used to complain about but didn’t fix has started to disappear. He has started to carry himself differently and more attractively, in a good way.
5. He’s suddenly interested in keeping his car spotless.
Suddenly he’s become Mr. Clean and refuses to let you leave so much as a cardigan in his backseat.
Before he might have been fine with creating an Eiffel tower of take out boxes in the back seat of his car.
If you have young kids, he might try to get you to move their car seats to your car— or they seem to keep getting mysteriously repositioned.
If he can’t go over to his affair partner’s place and he can’t take them home– the car can be a convenient place for a cheater hang out. That’s also why looking through his car can give you lots of clues.
6. He smells different and/or his personal hygiene routine has gotten more intense.
Does he smell different?
Has he started showering the minute after he walks in the door?
People who are cheating will often start bathing more to hide the evidence or they will come home smelling different– like the person they were just hanging out with.
7. He guards his technology protectively.
He never leaves his phone unattended.
When you see him guarding his phone or catch him secretly smiling at a message, you feel uneasy.
He protects his computer passwords. He gets weird if you ask for one of them because you want to do something totally normal like help pay your bills.
8. His finances have become more mysterious.
If you don’t already share finances, he’s likely to be even more protective and secretive about his finances.
If you do share finances, money has gone missing or has become different to account for.
He might suddenly suggest changing his direct deposit at work or splitting your bank accounts to make it easier to hide where his money is going.
What he spends doesn’t make sense or he’s started making more cash purchases.
Mysterious charges show up in your joint accounts or those “work lunches” have gotten much more expensive.
9. You find different hair.
If you find mysterious hair that doesn’t belong to you or him in your bed or around your home, it’s a potential sign of cheating.
You try to find a rational explanation and might be easily misinterpreted but if it’s really happening, it’s pretty awful.
10. He has a new “friend” at work.
Has he started gushing about a co-worker?
Has he mentioned spending his lunches with someone new?
Does he suddenly make weird, awkward jokes about his new “work wife/husband”?
Those are all potential signs he’s cheating, or at least on the way to having an emotional affair with someone else.
While you don’t want to overreact to him making friends, most people meet their affair partners at places where they work or go to school. Plenty of “work wife” relationships cross the line.
11. He needs more privacy.
It’s healthy for both people in a relationship to have time for themselves.
However, when someone is being unfaithful, their privacy often becomes a lot more important to them.
He might leave for work early, come home late and be more likely to leave the house to take phone calls. He might keep the office door closed more often than he usually would. He might spend more time in the bathroom than ever before.
If you ask what he’s doing, he might look startled or explain it away without specifics or any real depth.
If you were included in his private life before, suddenly you are shut out much more often since he’s trying to get privacy from you.
12. He suddenly has doubts about the future of your relationship.
Depending on the stage of the relationship you are in, he used to talk about getting married or growing old together.
He used to seem certain that your relationship was going well. Now he seems hesitant to make plans, admit he’s happy with you or otherwise affirm your relationship.
If you used to think a proposal might be coming, now it seems like he’s deflecting when you ask or putting it off.
13. His taste in music changes suddenly.
This odd sign he’s cheating on you is best demonstrated in the music he plays in the car, garage or his private spaces.
When we like someone new, often we absorb their taste in music by simple virtue of being exposed to something new we haven’t heard before.
14. He has become jealous and suspicious of you.
Psychological projection is a defense mechanism people use to avoid taking responsibility for things that they feel bad about.
Projection is when people deny an impulse that they have and insist that other people are doing the same behavior.
In the case of cheating, someone who cheats might become genuinely suspicious about what you’re doing.
Since he is cheating, he considers the possibility that you could cheat on him to be probable or even likely.
Once someone makes a habit of being unfaithful, it sets them up to look for signs that you’re doing the same.
Explosive jealousy can also be a way that they sabotage your relationship in order to justify making their exit.
15. His mood is all over the place.
Suddenly he’s Mr. Hot and Cold. He gets defensive very easily.
Whether he’s being much nicer to you or flying off the handle a lot more often, there is something about his mood that just seems different and well… off.
He might have even become combative and started picking fights with you.
Some people will pick a fight with their primary partner so that they can storm off… right over to their affair partner’s house.
16. You catch him lying.
The lies about where he’s been and what he’s truly thinking and feeling might seem small on their own, but they have been piling up.
You aren’t sure whether you can trust him or not since he seems to be so secretive about so many things and you feel like the enemy.
MORE: 6 Tell-Tale Signs Your Boyfriend Is Lying
17. He loses track of details that you remember or vice versa.
Since he’s been living a double life, there are details to keep straight that he might start making mistakes with.
He might have trouble remembering if he saw a movie with you or someone else.
He might bring up an inside joke and think you should remember it. He might misremember something he heard from one of you and bring it up with the other one.
Either way, little inconsistencies have started showing up and become more obvious over time. These aren’t lies as much as they are ways the details about his other relationship has started to blur with yours.
18. More, less or different activity in your bedroom.
Significant changes in the intimacy in your relationship is one of the signs he’s cheating.
He might feel more confident and seem to be on fire sexually, or he might have quit initiating sex completely.
Less bedroom action happens because he’s focused on someone else. More usually happens because he’s trying to cover up for going outside the relationship.
Another possibility is that the affair partner has introduced new ideas, so he’s going through an intimacy renaissance.
Any of these is a red flag that something is going on.
19. He seems hungry to connect with you emotionally.
He suddenly wants to connect with you more in all of the ways and is pushing you for it.
This is likely to be a sign of cheating in the beginning of an affair because he is feeling guilty and trying to do something to resist the temptation.
That’s why suddenly he’s all over you and trying to initiate more connection than usual.
This is also why it seems even weirder how distant and closed down he’s being. He seems eager to connect but also doesn’t share normal details he would when he’s being truly open with you.
This also makes it easier to fall into the trap of blaming yourself if he is cheating since he has been so interested in connecting with you lately.
20. He seems withdrawn and distant.
The little, sweet moments that you used to share have become fewer and more far between.
He seems to make a lot less time for you as a couple. He just isn’t there for you like he used to be. You have a sinking worry he has fallen out of love.
MORE: 20 Gut-Wrenching Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore And What To Do
What should you do if you suspect he’s cheating?
If you’re noticing signs he’s cheating on you, it’s easy to overreact, get lost in your thoughts and create a big confrontation with no real proof.
Lots of the things on this list can truly be circumstantial and not proof of anything.
If you are truly just imagining he’s cheating, confronting him when he’s innocent will damage your relationship.
No one wants to be mistrusted and accused of something they aren’t doing.
However, without definite proof of some kind, the only way you will truly ever know whether or not he is cheating is to sit down and ask him.
MORE: “Should I Take Him Back After He Cheated?” 6 Things to Expect After A Man Cheats
