Unlike what we see in the movies, cheating and infidelity can happen in any marriage. It’s not just cunning vixens or handsome heartthrobs that are getting in on the action, normal people cheat too.
Sometimes affairs are for love and other times it’s just about the sex. Regardless of the reason, the consequences of cheating are just as hurtful to all involved off screen as they are on screen.
Some couples manage to overcome cheating and stay together. For others, the damage done is too much and they call it quits.
As a relationship coach, marriage expert and author of the best selling Mend The Marriage program, I’ve worked with many couples that are coping with a cheating spouse. I often get asked, “Why would my partner do this to me?”
Unfortunately, there is no one reason why our partner cheats but there are many factors to consider. Today I’m going to share with you nine ways to prevent cheating and infidelity in your marriage.
1. Openly communicate.
To keep your marriage alive, you and your spouse must talk to one another. It sounds simple but I don’t just mean saying good morning and good night in passing.
Instead, have honest conversations about how you’re feeling, what you expect from one another and what is and isn’t working in your marriage. Equally as important is never holding onto your emotions.
Bottling up your feelings is a recipe for disaster.
To have effective conversations with your spouse, it’s important to let them know that they can be open and honest with you about their thoughts, feelings and desires.
By assuring your partner that all judgments are set aside, you’ll be giving them something they don’t have with just anyone, an outlet. Being an outlet for your spouse to rant, vent, share secrets with and explore their desires makes you a valuable part of their life and is a great defense against infidelity.
2. Never assume.
You know that old saying, “When you assume things you make an ass out of you and me.” That saying is very true.
To prevent cheating in your marriage, you must be clear on what you and your partner consider it to be. That’s why it’s important to make a clear agreement on what actually constitutes cheating.
Initially, people may not have the same feelings toward what does and what doesn’t count as cheating. For example, one of you may be OK with going out or flirting around or getting close on the dance floor, while the other partner kind of see this kind of behavior as inappropriate and unacceptable.
Agreeing on how you both will handle another’s advances and how quickly you tell one another romantic or flirty experiences can also help prevent emotional affairs.
One partner may think it’s OK to flirt while the other may see this as being unfaithful. What counts as an emotional affair usually varies from one person to the next, so to prevent any sort of infidelity, discuss with your spouse what is and what isn’t acceptable behavior.
3. Appreciate your partner.
Take the time to appreciate your partner everyday even for the little things. It’s usually those little things that mean the most. So even when you’re having a bad day, make a conscious effort to not to nag or belittle your partner for things that they may unknowingly do that annoy you.
Appreciation goes a long way when it comes to commitment. Since no one wants to be with somebody that makes them feel bad or worthless on a regular basis, expressing these types of feelings towards your spouse is an effective way to prevent cheating in your marriage.
As humans, we want to feel loved and valued, especially by those we’ve chosen to share our lives with. So make sure you tell your partner how much they mean to you regularly.
4. Be intimate.
A key to any romantic relationship is keeping your intimate life spicy.
This means making time for one another, having sex regularly, kissing often, touching as much as possible and talking comfortably about sex.
In fact, a great way to prevent cheating in your marriage is to be open to new ideas and to experimentation. Your partner’s fantasies might not sound like your cup of tea but give them a shot and who knows you might just like them too.
Even if you don’t grow fond of your spouse’s cravings, they will appreciate your willingness to satisfy their desires, making you more admirable to them. Also, keep in mind that being your spouse’s experimentation companion will prevent them from looking elsewhere to feel fulfilled.
Now, if after watching this video, you’re still interested in learning more ways to revive the intimacy in your marriage, please visit my website and watch the full length video presentation up there.
5. Be romantic.
Similar to intimacy, it’s crucial to keep the romance alive in your marriage. This means taking the time to express your love and appreciation and at the same time having some fun together. It only takes a small gesture to be romantic and to show your spouse that you still care. So try surprising them with dinner when they get home from a long day of work or offering to rub their feet when you relax on the couch together. You know these may seem like small actions but they speak volumes.
If the romance has been put aside because of personal insecurities, complimenting your spouse regularly is going to boost their confidence and in turn, it can help them to be more romantic and open.
It has been proven that when you and your spouse both feel good about yourselves and the relationship, it decreases the chance of either one of you looking for romance elsewhere.
6. Grow together.
We all change as we age and a big part of being a married couple is growing together. If you ignore the inevitable toll of time and expect what worked in the year one of your marriage to still work in your sixth, then your relationship could very well be doomed.
A big part of growing with your spouse is finding new things to do together. One of the best ways to prevent cheating is by being a part of the things that your partner enjoys doing in their free time. Bonding over shared interests will give you both something enjoyable to do while sharing quality time with one another.
If you have any special ideas or ways to re-bond with you spouse or activities that call for a joint effort, please feel free to share them or ask any questions in the comment section below.
7. Avoid jealousy.
In most relationships there will come a time when you question your partner’s feelings or behavior towards someone else.
As tough as it may be, it’s important not to become angry or critical towards your partner or the person they are giving attention to.
Jealousy is a natural emotion but it’s also a toxic one that usually leads to self-pity and anger. Acting jealous towards someone that your spouse shows interest in will not win back their attention. Instead, you’ll look immature and foolish and it’s also likely to push your spouse further away.
To shift your spouse’s attention back to you, focus on wooing them with your talents and capabilities. Give them a reason to love and value you by stepping up your game rather than threatening to leave or becoming critical. Being present and attractive to your partner works better than fear, guilt or threats especially when it comes to securing your spouse’s commitment and preventing infidelity.
8. Emphasize commitment.
Although you and your spouse are already in a committed relationship, it’s still important to remind each other of the benefits of being married. You both have somebody who knows you better than anyone else. Someone you have shared history and life memories with, someone you could rely on, someone to grow old with.
Reminding your partner of the many reasons you decided to commit to one another can revive nostalgic feelings and happy memories. Many times simply recognizing how lucky you are to have such a loving partner is enough to prevent infidelity long before it becomes an issue.
9. Be a good partner.
Being a good spouse is a great way to prevent cheating or infidelity in your marriage. This is because when our needs are physically and emotionally met, we don’t have as much interest in looking elsewhere.
Take a look at how well you meet your partner’s needs and wants and how well they meet yours. Make an effort to step up in the areas that are weak and communicate honestly about what you need to feel fulfilled and happy.
You should always be your spouse’s number one go-to person for providing emotional, intellectual and physical needs. If you don’t provide these outlets for your spouse, it’s possible that they’re going to look somewhere else for those needs to be met.
It’s human nature to pursue our needs. If our partner isn’t there in certain ways, then that’s when we go seeking others. This can sometimes be the basis for an affair whether be emotional or physical.
To be a good spouse and prevent infidelity, think of your role in your marriage as a job that you are applying for every day. Ask yourself why your spouse should keep you around or fire you.
What do you do for them that someone else cannot?
Is there anything you should be doing that you are not?
Are there things in your relationship that your spouse need that you aren’t giving to them?
Re-evaluating your role in the marriage and asking yourself what areas you can improve in is a great way to prevent cheating and infidelity.
The best way to prevent cheating is a great relationship. If you neglect your marriage, it will fail. Marriages are like plants. If you stop feeding them, they will die. If you want to cheat proof your marriage then you need to put in the work.
To learn more about how to save your marriage and prevent infidelity, go watch my video presentation which explains 3 Marriage Murdering Mistakes that absolutely kill your chances of building a loving, happy marriage.