I’ve covered how to get your ex back, but I haven’t really covered exactly how to make him miss you in more depth. That’s what we’re going to talk about today.
First, one main point I have to make is this: you don’t miss people who are still around, you miss them because they’re gone, right?
That is simple as hell, but in after a breakup, it’s really worth mentioning since people overlook it all the time. Your first instinct may be to try and keep up the communication so he doesn’t forget you. That will not work! He can’t miss you and realize the breakup was a mistake with you lurking around, trying to tell him verbally how WRONG HE IS to break up.
That brings me to the process you must go through to make your ex miss you.
1. Give him time and space.
Go no contact. Cut all ties with your ex. Right now, your silence is golden. In order to really make him think about you, you’ve got to be 100% absent. Even though it sounds simple, in practice, not contacting someone you’ve been close to for months or even years is hard as hell (here are some things to do instead).
His own imagination is your secret weapon in getting him back. You need to give him time to forget the bad things that happen at the end of relationships and put the rose colored glasses on.
Also, going no contact gives you the time to think about the breakup— and this perspective is invaluable.
Even though I usually say to cut ties on social media after a breakup, don’t— if you have an eye on getting him back. If you are truly interested in shutting the door and moving on completely, that’s the time to hit the delete button.
For now, just hit “unfollow” not “unfriend” so you’re not tormented by his Facebook updates.
The idea is that you want to create an “out of sight, out of mind” situation so you can get out of the super reactive place that everyone goes emotionally right after a breakup.
You might be tempted to write him messages online, or post public messages that are vaguely, kinda-sorta about him. Also avoid posting those weepy, angry, photo memes. Don’t. Just don’t do anything. Trust me, you’re going to regret it later. In order to make this work, you must not call, text, Facebook message, Tweet, pass notes or send missives by carrier pigeon.
2. Be flawlessly polite and kind with all contact, but NEVER beg for your ex back.
I used to say not to return your exe’s messages after a breakup unless it involved shared business responsibilities or kids. I was wrong about that piece of breakup advice and I want to make amends.
Based on feedback from my popular breakup coaching program, anyone who breaks up with you thinks that you hate them. This is made worse by the fact that people say a lot of awful things when they break up. The person who initiated the breakup is usually terrified of more hurtful talk and negativity.
Men especially are more sensitive than they let on. If you’re rude to them after a breakup, they think they have no shot of ever getting you back, even if they miss you and truly regret their decision to break up with you.
People do tend to break up and then get back together, but they can’t love you if they are afraid of you. Don’t be rude to your ex, just don’t initiate any contact with them right now unless it’s essential.
3. Allow yourself to release the pain.
By clinging to his memory, you aren’t getting any closer to getting him back– keeping the pain of the breakup alive just hurts you.
Focus on remembering the good times that you both shared while letting go of your pain surrounding the breakup. Often people prolong the time that it takes to feel happy again because they mistakenly believe that they have to be miserable somehow to reignite the spark. Hogwash.
Allowing yourself to get past the pain makes you a happier, more productive person and is much more magnetic than despair. I promise you that no one EVER got anyone else back and had a healthy relationship in the long term by showing how devastated, depressed and heartbroken they are. That “hurt” energy is repellent– and it will not make your ex miss you. Don’t torture yourself with pain to show anyone else anything. It only hurts you and makes the whole situation worse.
4. Don’t mope around.
I know that breakups hurt like hell. You’re entitled to a little bit of moping, but strive to A), not mope in public and B), fake it until you make it.
In public (this includes your social media), put on a happy face. Not overtly cheery or “look at me, I’m doing sooooo wonderful,” just overall positive.
Like I said– which bears repeating, do NOT post about the gory details of your breakup on social media. Only vent about the breakup to people that you are certain won’t tell your ex. Think, your best friend, not your mutual friends.
Yes, you’re crafting an illusion that you aren’t phased by the breakup, but this is important. Let whatever happened during your breakup stay in the past. Trying to prove how devastated you are is NOT how to make him miss you.
5. Don’t stalk him.
This goes along with no contact listed above, but it’s worth it’s own bullet point since it’s so common and since you aren’t directly contacting him with the stalking, it still can feel like you’re not exactly IN contact.
Don’t cyberstalk, drive by his house, accidentally “show up” at places that you both frequent or anything else. The point right now is to break your chemical addiction to your ex even if you ultimately want to get your ex back. If you’ve already been doing these things, I get it, I truly do. But now, gorgeous, it’s time to place your loving focus right back where it belongs– on you.
6. Live your life and remodel it.
This means going out with friends, making new ones, revamping your hobbies and moving on. You’ve got to get new routines that don’t involve your ex.
Now is the time to revamp your look by getting in shape, changing your hair and/or experimenting with new clothes. It’s the time to take up a hobby or reignite your interest in your passions. It’s time for you to spread your wings and change your life in positive ways.
7. Avoid overt plays for his attention.
Don’t actively TRY to make him jealous by posting pics of yourself on social media with other people. This comes off fake and desperate. Don’t drop hints to friends about how great you’re doing. Get and remain centered on you.
8. If you feel like doing something, ANYTHING, just wait.
When it comes to breakups, the knee jerk, desperate reaction is 99.9% of the time, completely wrong.
It’s really common for you to want to do something, ANYTHING to get his attention– like your life depends on it. For right now– or if you’re in doubt, don’t do anything at all. Just be.
By taking a hands off approach, you’re giving him the opportunity to think about his decision and decide whether he wants to come back to you. That’s what you want in the first place, right?
So give him time and space.