So you’ve been dumped.
Maybe you’ve gone though the heartache of dealing with a man you desperately want back in your life, but who just doesn’t want to come back. Maybe this breakup is fresh. When you’re hurting, it’s hard to know how to get over a breakup when you didn’t want relationship to end.
In that spirit, here’s how to get over being dumped so you can finally move on.
1. Delete Everything
The first thing you should do is remove your ex from your life… completely.
This also means social media like Twitter, Facebook, Google+, IM, LinkedIn, your phone, your friend’s phone, etc. You wouldn’t believe how often I hear clients say, “well the only place I didn’t delete my ex was on Twitter and he’s been ACTIVE there. Maybe there’s a chance.”
It’s hard enough to avoid the temptation to try and Google someone who you’ve broken up with. You don’t need his social media profile updates staring back at you on the daily.
For those of you who say “But that’s mean! I don’t want him to think I’m mad at him!”
Being absent is not the same as an attack. And, you can tell him that if he notices you deleted/blocked or unfriended him and calls you out on it. I’ve had that happen, so it’s not a far fetched situation.
And, that he noticed at all means he was checking your profile, no? 😉
Just let him stew there without any trace of you. It’s better for you both in the long run.
Keeping his number around will just serve as a temptation to break down and get in touch at a really, really bad time. This usually happens the middle of the night, when you’re feeling lonely, on a solo Valentine’s Day, when you have to go to a wedding alone, at all of the worst times possible.
Also, the absolute last thing you need is to see the pictures of him with someone new or him out with his friends seeming totally unaffected by your breakup. Just save your sanity now and delete him!
2. Exchange Your Stuff
Now also the time to get rid of every scrap of something that reminds you of him.
If you have any of his stuff give it back arrange to get it over with, toss it or donate it to charity.
Be ethical with his things. Minor toiletries aren’t super important but if you would be devastated if he threw something personal out, don’t throw it out. I might feel good temporarily to trash his favorite jacket or sell his TV, but I believe in karma. Treat his things how you would want yours to be treated, even if you have to grit your teeth.
Once you finish dealing with his stuff and getting yours back from him, you can celebrate the decluttering. If you absolutely can’t deal with the emotions behind this right now, get a box and give the box to a friend. This removes the temptation to spend any of your precious time wearing one of his old shirts, sobbing to “your song” together.
3. Put Him on Your Do Not Call List
Taking the time to text or call is a terrible, awful plan! You do not need closure from him!
I repeat: You. Do. Not. Need. Closure.
You don’t need anything else from him unless you share actual responsibilities like a business or kids.
Make it a policy to NEVER CALL anyone who dumps you. Calling your ex for any reason except to deal with serious shared business, possessions or logistics just makes you look desperate and heartbroken. You will be happy in the long run that you never called.
4. Avoid Him
Go out of your way to avoid running into him.
If you both liked the same bar and hung out there together, it’s time to take a break. I promise you can return someday when you aren’t even thinking about him anymore. Don’t get indignant on me and say “BUT IT WAS MINE FIRST” just find somewhere new to create a routine around.
5. Get Out and Have Fun
Now’s the time to go out and have fun. If you haven’t been using your freedom and independence because you’ve been trying to nurture a failing relationship– you need this time to get back to a happy, single emotional place.
Get your girlfriends together and catch up with them. Accept invitations to go on dates with new interesting men. Fire up a fresh, new online dating profile and start entertaining the idea of seeing people again.
6. Break In A New Workout Routine
Now is an excellent time to start a fitness routine. As you’re probably aware, exercise is an excellent stress reducer and depression buster. It is also a great way to make yourself look better, tire yourself out and feel better overall about your life.
One caution for this point is to make sure that you aren’t getting fit and sexy so that you can now say (subconsciously or not), “LOOK AT ME! LOOK HOW HOT I AM!” Any and all fitness attempts you make should be for yourself, and yourself alone.
7. Don’t Entertain His Whiny, Half-Assed Apology
I’ve long maintained that exes ALWAYS return, and I’ve found this true for relationships of my own, especially when I didn’t give a shit if my ex came back. Exes always pop up when you don’t give a shit about them and have almost forgotten about him.
Do not take that statement as an invitation to start trying not to care while you still care! It doesn’t work. Only that truly “moved on” energy triggers this kind of return and it will happen when you least expect– usually once you’ve just met someone new.
Anyway, when your ex pops up looking all cute and cuddly, I need you to stay strong.
Don’t feel obligated to “hear him out.”
Don’t accept his invitation for a coffee date.
Don’t be friends.
Don’t even answer the phone.
After doing the work it takes to get over a bad breakup, the last thing you need is to go back to square one, getting your hopes up that Mr. Unavailable will come around.
Whatever issues you had with him, you STILL HAVE. He hasn’t magically turned into anyone else, he’s still the same jackass that thought dumping you was a good choice. Stay far away from him.
I hope this helped you move on from getting dumped. I know how hard it is to get broken up with.