“How Do I Handle ‘Taking a Break’ From Our Relationship When My Ex Keeps Contacting Me?”

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taking a break, take a break from a relationship

Today we have an excellent question from a reader named Elle who is struggling with how to handle her boyfriend who is “taking a break” from their relationship by not staying away from her.

What do you do when he contacts you daily? How do you ignore him without being rude? I’m currently on a “break” from my relationship–by his choice. At first I didn’t agree, but I realize that some time and space is necessary for both of us. But how can I give him space when he contacts me daily? I told him he couldn’t have his cake and eat it to, but he insists that he just needs time to figure out what he wants and that he’s not just stringing me along. I have no idea what to do.

–Elle

Thanks for your question Elle. The short answer is, you ignore him for right now.

It isn’t rude to not communicate with someone who acts like you’re a toy that he can play with whenever he wants and then go back to “being uncertain” about the relationship when he is finished.

The thing is, taking a break from your relationship is a slippery slope.

When someone says, “I need time to figure out what I want” what they’re really saying is “I already know what a relationship with you is like, and I can’t decide if I want to say yes to that, so I want to look around for a bigger, better deal.”

By contacting you daily during this “break,” he gets to have his cake (be single-ish) AND use you as his emotional safety net without giving you the security of having an actual solid relationship.

Sure, he SAYS he’s not stringing you along and wants space, but he’s not actually giving you both space if he’s in touch with you all the time.

Does this make you angry with him? It should. Heck, it makes ME angry for you.

Since you only have control over your own behavior, don’t reward his crappy behavior by giving him any of more of your attention.

By responding to his daily communication while you’re supposed to be “taking a break,” no matter how half-hearted and stalling it is, you’re sending him the message that he can go on this vision quest of his and you’ll be there waiting to hear from him.

That might not be what you say out loud, but that is what you’re showing him by being as responsive as when you were officially in a relationship.

Right now he has you on the hook, waiting for him to decide what he wants and he probably fancies himself as “in control.”

Gorgeous, that is a PROBLEM.

Now your since your comment was on my article about how to make him miss you, I presume that you’re struggling with this situation and wondering how to get him back in your life. It sounds counter-intuitive, but you’ve got to cut him off for right now.

The reason for this is that he needs to hit rock bottom and realize that you aren’t his plaything he can pick up and put down at will. Relationships require trust, and he’s depleting the trust in yours by acting like a dog that can’t decide whether he wants to be inside or outside the screen door.

He will only decide what he wants after he’s had to face the cold hard reality that he might lose you forever if he doesn’t get off the fence. Your silence is golden here.

When he really, really can’t stand to be away from you, believe me, he’ll move mountains to be around you. Until he’s ready to give you that, your best move stay a healthy distance away from him and make yourself happy.

Want to get back together with your ex, even if you are taking a break right now?

Go watch this incredibly personal video I made that describes the 3 mistakes you must NOT make if you want any chance of getting him back.

Watch it out here now.

Elizabeth Stone

About Elizabeth Stone

Elizabeth Stone is the founder of Attract The One.

Her popular program Ex Attraction Formula, has helped hundreds of women reunite with their men. She is thrilled to have helped so many people reignite the spark in their relationships.

Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, her work has been featured on EHarmony Blog, YourTango, Thought Catalog, Mogul, Fox News Magazine, Ravishly, Femalista, Popsugar, Read Unwritten, Medium and many more.

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