I got an email the other day that contained so much in one sentence that it’s worth bringing up because it points to a really common unhelpful mindset.
In response to a post about The Secrets To Understanding Men, a reader simply said,
“Some men are just jerks. It’s not that complicated.”
Sure, I agree. There are some really crappy, bad apples out there. Some are men.
Intentionally continuing a relationship with a truly toxic partner is an awful, soul-destroying life. No argument here.
But let’s look deeper into another key, hidden assumption that all you need to do is find a “good man” and all your relationship problems will be solved.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Let’s say we get a magic wand out and we dismiss all of the “jerks.”
We just wipe them off the face of the Earth like *poof*.
Now, all we have left over is non-jerks. Sounds cool, I’m into this fantasy land.
Is your life magically uncomplicated now?
Think about it.
The stakes are actually higher now… because you know for certain that every man you come into contact with is a solid gold winner.
If you’re failing to attract someone right for you, or you’re going through a rocky, hard time where you have to grit your teeth to sort everything out– you can’t chalk up all your problems to the person in front of you.
You can’t keep believing that simply finding a good person (in a pile of jerks) will solve all your relationship problems.
Now, what you have to work with is… everything you bring to the relationship, whether or not you and he ‘click’ and that you’re not doing stuff accidentally that turns men off.
I’ll let you in on something from my reality.
I used to encounter lots of jerks.
These days, I don’t encounter very many jerks at all.
That might sound bizarre, but it’s true.
Did humanity magically change?
Maybe.
Did my standards decrease?
Nope. If anything, they have risen.
Or… maybe it was me.
So, who was actually the jerk?
