If your guy has just told you that he doesn’t love you anymore (or given you that dreadful “I love you but I’m not IN love with you speech”), you are probably feeling awful. All you can think about is how to get him back and reignite the spark between you.
Anyone in a long-term relationship knows that things can change over time. It is super common for a relationship to become boring. Even so, it may not be something you want to hear from your partner.
Whether he has told you the relationship is stuck or you just know from how he is behaving, here are some ways to help make your guy fall in love with you again.
1. Be kind and considerate.
We tend to lose our manners with our partners early on in the relationship and don’t even realize it. Some spouses become downright mean and abusive, at least verbally so. Be sympathetic if it’s been a hard day or something has happened to bring your partner sadness or concern.
2. Fix yourself up a bit.
Don’t believe that you only have to care about your appearance when you go out in public. Taking care of yourself is attractive.
Making an effort to present your best side is a way of being respectful of your partner’s feelings. It lets them know you care what they think about you.
3. Be Attentive.
Take a few minutes out of your day to do something for your partner. Bring him his newspaper. Water her plants. Let your partner know that you care about the things he or she cares about!
4. Avoid being critical.
It’s amazing how different “I just love the way you look in your new red shirt” sounds from “Surely you aren’t going to wear that ragged, faded blue thing again!” Criticism is a real turn-off for everyone. Keep in mind that people are sensitive. Even if you’ve been together a long time, this isn’t the time to get brutal. Remember that honey catches more flies than vinegar.
5. Respect your partner’s opinion.
Re-think your desire to be right. Always be respectful of his opinion even if you know it’s wrong. Try and cultivate the ability to agree to disagree on things that don’t really matter.
Much of the advice you will find for repairing relationships will encourage you to remember what it was that made you fall in love in the first place, the attitudes and behaviors you had when you got together may be more important.
When people are together for a long time, they can become too comfortable, critical and quick to anger. Try to never take your partner for granted, whether it’s been 5 months or 50 years. Say thank you for everything considerate that he does. You appreciate that from him, right? Just think about how you feel when he doesn’t notice the little things you do for him. If he can’t ever make you happy, it’s a pretty surefire way to alienate him and ruin your relationship.
6. Cultivate your own interests.
At a time like this, it’s hard to think of yourself and all too common to dwell on the whole situation. I have to challenge you to stretch yourself a little bit. Is there something new you’ve been wanting to try? Is there a long-neglected hobby that you quit at some point? This is the time to cultivate your own interests. Women who are involved in something outside their relationship consistently report that they are happier. It also gives you something interesting to talk about. If things are stale, this is a godsend.
Remember Love is a Verb
Remembering that old saying that love is a verb instead of an adjective is a great way of getting perspective on your relationship. You love someone actively with the things you
say and do. If you don’t love your partner in an active way, then you aren’t likely to get the relationship you hope for back.
On the other hand, if you show him that you are concerned for his well-being and over-all try and make life more pleasant for him, it will come back to you in spades. Don’t bend over and become a doormat, but don’t shy away from doing nice things for him.
Some couples in long-term relationships say that they have fallen in and out of each other many times. It’s normal to have highs and lows. If you respect and value your partner through thick and thin, the variation will break up the monotony.