A reader wonders how to get a guy to call instead of text.
“Do you have to tell guys you’d rather they get to know you through talking (not texting) or is it just a sign he’s not interested enough?”
Sometimes all you have to do is ask, but here’s my input about how to get a guy to call instead of text.
If he’s showing you regular interest by suggesting dates and regularly texting you, it’s not a big deal to let him know your preference for how you’d like to hear from him.
The fact that he just texts you right now probably doesn’t have anything to do with his level of interest in you.
Nowadays it’s relatively common for people conduct their entire relationship without much calling. Texting is getting to be the norm. If you want something slightly different than that, kindly telling him that you would like for him to call you is the way to get that.
Just like anything in relationships, the way you frame it is the key to actually getting him to call instead of text.
Reserve this conversation for when you see him in person, so that he can see that you’re not disappointed or angry with him. Since text lacks all clear emotional tone, it is just not appropriate for any conversation that someone could take the wrong way— and this is one of those times.
Once you get him in person, say something like:
“You know, I really like hearing from you throughout the week. It would make me so happy to talk to you over the phone whenever you get the chance. I like the occasional text, but calling is what really does it for me.”
By saying this, you’re telling him how to make you happy without complaining about anything he’s already been doing.
Then give him some time.
After you say that to him, you can also try calling shortly after he texts. He should clearly get the impression that you’re interested in talking to him that way. Just don’t freak out if he texts you back, since that’s what he’s used to doing or he might not be in the position to talk on the phone.
If you make it sound like he’s not doing the right thing by texting you, it will push him away and make him contact you less as a whole. So make sure you approach this positively, since your intention is more connection with him, not less.
When Does Texting Mean A Guy Isn’t Very Interested In You?
What if you’re not exactly sure about why he’s texting instead of calling, or whether he’s interested in you or just passing time?
Texting men definitely can be confusing. On one hand, it’s easy to use to stay connected seemingly constantly. On the other, it’s easy to just toss out lots of rapid-fire texts and court several people at one time.
The other side of the text vs calling question is the fear that the man you’re talking to doesn’t like you enough to call. I completely understand that fear. Letting yourself indulge in nightmare scenarios will only make things worse.
If a man isn’t asking you on dates or trying to win you over, trying to get him to call instead of text isn’t really the problem. The real issue is that you might be at different levels of interest… right now.
In that case, what you want to do is pull way back and initiate less conversation. At that point, he’ll either decide to pursue you or he won’t, but trying to get him to communicate with you differently is the least of your issues.
What NOT To Do When You Want Him To Call You Instead of Text
Whether he’s truly interested in you or not, nagging him or confronting him to “talk about your communication” isn’t going to do anything except push him away and make him talk to you by any method, less often.
Have you ever had someone criticize the way you were communicating with them? I have.
Once, a man I went on a few dates with brought up the fact that he didn’t think I verbally complimented him often enough.
I realize his underlying message was that he wanted to feel like I found him attractive, but his delivery turned me completely off.
I tossed out a half-hearted compliment about how I thought he was intelligent— which I meant, but he proceeded to tell me I was not sincere. *insert eyeroll here*
Did his nagging gain him more compliments from me?
Did it make me think he was totally insecure?
He could have brought me closer if he had simply waited until I said something positive and then told me how good it made him feel.
And, I try to be naturally positive and affirming about the people who date me so he wouldn’t have had to wait very long.
Instead, this small exchange alone made me wonder:
If he was criticizing me now after only two weeks of dating, how would it be after 6 months? Would I be wrong all the time? Do. Not. Want.
The stuff that repels men repels women also. Sometimes people are just so consumed with meeting their own needs that they can’t see how their attitude contributes to the negativity they experience in their relationships.
No matter what you want from a man– more calling, more ice cream, more sex, it makes such a huge a difference how you deliver the message.
Before you communicate anything to someone, think about what you’re trying to achieve. If you want more closeness, connection and relationship with that person, consider how to get your point across without making them wrong for what they’re already doing.
It’s the same with texting, calling, or wanting more affection.