How to Stop Nagging (But Still Get What You Want)


how to stop nagging

When it comes to relationships, men say that nagging is a huge, number one relationship and attraction killer. No woman I know wants to be called a nag.

Yet, the nagging cycle continues even though both people are sick of it. So how do you stop nagging? If you’ve come to the realization that you’re nagging in the first place, that’s a great place to start.

Here are seven suggestions and replacement behaviors to stop nagging him for good:

1. Use a tactic called “carefrontation”

This tactic is the opposite of confrontation. “Carefrontation” was coined by Dr. Stratyner, a relationship expert often featured by Oprah.

This concept is about reminding your husband or boyfriend that you still think of them as your partner, not as an underling who can’t get anything right. When you go into your interactions with your partner anticipating a fight, that’s exactly what you are going to create.

2. Explain how you feel, not how he is the bad guy.

Make a joke about it to lighten the mood even. “Honey, I fear for my life and drowning to death every time I go after you leave the toilet seat up.” Or “It really stresses me out when I have to cook every single night after meetings that don’t end till six. What can we do about it?” When people feel like the bad guy, they aren’t looking for ways to help or make it better, they are looking for ways to escape the situation.

If you make him feel like an equal partner who is helping you search for a solution to your problem, not an adversary, his instincts to make you happy will kick in. This idea leads us to the next point:

3. Remember that you are on the same team.

He’s not leaving the toilet seat up because he is on a personal mission to drive you nuts, it’s simply a habit. Unless he’s kind of a jerk (why are you there anyway? you have much worse problems than nagging to contend with. Leave now!), he isn’t intentionally trying to piss you off and ruin your evening.

Stop acting like his annoying habits are a personal vendetta to kill your happiness.

Addressing your issues with him in a way that shows him you know you are in this together, and even offering up a compromise of your own, will be much more effective than screaming, “for God’s sake, the toilet seat?? AGAIN??? What’s it going to take??”

Consider how you would respond to what you plan on saying to him before you say it. If it sounds like you’re a drill instructor and he’s a small child, say something better.

4. Give him a timeline, and a proposed solution.

Let’s say it’s the lawn that you’ve been nagging him endlessly about. Let him know, as kindly as possible, that Thursday would be a great day for finishing that, because you are having people over this weekend.

All you need to say is, “If you can’t squeeze it in this week love, just let me know and I’ll call the landscaper in for Friday.” You may well get the response, “Probably better if you do that, this week is nuts.” Or, “No, too expensive, don’t worry about it, I’ll do it tonight.” But above all, you won’t have a fight about it, and you aren’t going to spend the entire day stressing because you just know he isn’t going to finish mowing the lawn.

5. Tell him you think it’s sexy.

If you give him this kind of positive reinforcement he does *insert chore or nagging item*…he’ll be much more obliged to follow through. Pavlov was no fool. If your partner knows he’s getting some just for leaving the toilet seat down for you, congratulations, you’ve just made him more likely to put the toilet seat down in the future.

6. Try understanding, rather than assuming.

There is always a reason for his behavior just as there is for yours. If you are appreciative of the fact that he’s just too busy and exhausted to mow the lawn, rather than assuming he’s just being lazy, the problem is solved much quicker and it’s easier to get your needs met.

7. Explain your needs clearly.

Women make the mistake of thinking their husbands and partners are mind readers. They cook every night even though they are exhausted and stressed about it, but never once have they sat him down to say, “Honey, I’m sorry but this just isn’t working for me.”

He won’t know these things unless you tell him. As important as it is for you to understand him, it’s equally important for him to understand you, but don’t assume that he does unless you know you’ve already told him.

How to Stop Nagging – The Bottom Line

The bottom line when it comes to how to stop nagging him is to understand that communication barriers are the key to it all. Not communicating properly with your partner will lead you down the nagging path.

It’s about remembering that you are on the same team, and that you are not the supreme monarch of a small country where he is a peasant. Using the same easy-going, caring words that brought the two of you together when you first started dating, and once again, not sweating the small stuff will help bring your relationship back on track and allow you to stop nagging for good.

How is your marriage going? Be honest… how is it ACTUALLY going?

If you’re wondering how to stop nagging your husband, then chances are your marriage isn’t what it used to be. Maybe it’s so bad, that you feel like your world is falling apart.

Do you feel like all the passion, the love, and romance have completely faded?

Do you feel like you and your husband can’t stop yelling at each other?

Maybe it feels like no matter what you do, you can’t make things better.

But you’re wrong.

You CAN save your marriage — even if your husband has pulled away.

You CAN rebuild that passion you felt for one another when you first kissed.

And you can bring back that love and devotion you felt for one another when both of you said, “I love you” for the first time.

If your marriage is worth fighting for, then do yourself a favor and watch this quick video that will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world.

In this video, you’ll learn the three critical mistakes that most couples commit that rip marriages apart. Most couples will never learn how to fix these three simple mistakes.

You’ll also learn a simple, proven “Marriage Saving” method that makes marriage counsellors look clueless.

So if you feel like your marriage is about to take its last few breaths, then I urge you to watch this quick video:

Make Your Husband Adore You Again

Elizabeth Stone

About Elizabeth Stone

Elizabeth Stone is a bestselling author, head love coach and founder of Attract The One.

Through her coaching, writing and online programs she has helped thousands of women reunite with their men and create amazing, soul-level connections. She is thrilled to have helped so many couples reignite the spark in their relationships.

Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, her work has gone viral on Your Tango and Thought Catalog as well as been featured on EHarmony Blog, Mogul, The Good Men Project, Fox News Magazine, Ravishly, Femalista, Popsugar, Read Unwritten, Medium and many more.


  1. Ronnie The Dating Coach

    August 2, 2014 at 10:20 am

    Elizabeth – this is an awesome post! Very wise and easy tips. I’m rushing off now to tell my husband how sexy he looks when he’s mowing the lawn…No seriously – this is excellent relationship advice – thanks!

    • Attract The One

      Elizabeth Stone

      August 4, 2014 at 9:09 am

      Thanks so much Ronnie! It really does make a difference– even though I’ll admit, hard for me sometimes 🙂

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