Feeling Like Crap In Your Relationship? You’re Talking Sh*t About Yourself (Yes, You)

On the morning of my birthday, my person jumped out of bed to the blare of his third snooze alarm, hurried to the bathroom, showered and went to his home office to start work.

There was no acknowledgement of my birthday, not so much as a glance or a hand squeeze before he left the room. 

Nada.

Now, I know better than to deny the masculine my patience, but I’ll admit– I felt snubbed and worried about how the rest of the day would go.

I mean… I was thinking something more along the lines of sexual favors and fancy coffee.

And as is my habit, I dug into the mindset that came up for me as I acclimated to being awake and alone in bed.

“What specific beliefs are creating this disappointment?” I asked myself. Then, I let the stuff come up.

I see you, abandonment issues.

I hear you, unworthiness.

Hello, icky, “I must not be good enough to even warrant a happy birthday.”

Then I realized I was creating this and had to laugh.

Here I was, mentally talking sh*t about him– and by extension– myself.

Which ONLY hurt because I was judging his behavior and making it a negative reflection of my own lovability. The “stuff” that– on the surface– seemed like it was about him, was actually me attacking myself.

Since I was looking at his behavior, interpreting it negatively and making it mean something about me, all I was doing was beating myself up for not inspiring some kind of big romantic display before 8am on a Thursday morning.

This kind of twisted mindreading is the root of why anyone feels bad when they’re observing anyone else’s behavior toward them.

The damaging internal process usually goes something like this:

Notice a problem, then judge it with a thought process that goes something like this:

“You’re a jerk because you aren’t currently treating me like I’m awesome, which must mean I’m not awesome (which I secretly fear anyway). Please treat me with more reverence about the awesomeness I hope you’ll notice.”

Then, you get to feel sad and disappointed that the other person doesn’t behave differently. The real message is one designed to self generate self-pity. The problem is not an “outside” problem with the other person. It’s about what you’re telling yourself about you that is the real problem.

It’s actually funny when you aren’t momentarily stuck in there like I was that morning.

Once I dissolved that thought process and let it pass– I decided I would experience a vastly different reality immediately and quit beating us both up. Then I started indulgently browsing around gossip blogs to reset my mind.

Almost as soon as I had digested this whole negative, non-receptive brain wave and let it go, he came back into the room smiling big, kissed me and said, “Happy Birthday!”

Then he shared a few details about what he had planned for us before going back to work. 

No gifts had appeared yet, but I had to chuckle at how quickly things shift when I use my own tools to shift my experience. I also need Elizabeth Stone most of the time.

He offered for us to go get coffee (just like I wanted) once his next call was finished, so off we went. 

Later, he got us lunch from a local Greek place around the corner. As we ate lunch, he looked my way expectantly and asked if I had purchased a character from a video game we play together.

“You mean the copy that the game creators loaned us for 3 days to try it out?” I asked, confused.

“No, the one I got you,” he said. “Did you check your email like I told you to do?”

“I don’t remember you telling me to check my email, when did that happen?”

“Right after I kissed you and said happy birthday this morning,” he said.

Apparently, right after the good morning kiss he also told me to check my email where he had sent me an Apple gift card to buy a character in a video game we play together.

I’d be willing to swear on a stack of holy books that I heard nothing of the sort. I asked him a few more questions about it, just to make sure I hadn’t missed more and apologized for not hearing him.

To make the situation even more interesting, it turns out he had accidentally added an extra letter to my email address when he purchased the gift card, despite copy and pasting it directly from my contact.

After we ironed out the misunderstanding, he got it fixed quickly and I got the email.

Now, of course “mistakes” happen. But look at how, when I was focused on lack– it became really hard for good things to come through for me? Especially when I was so focused on their opposites?

It’s easy to dismiss these kinds of experience as, “he probably would have said something about your birthday eventually” and “so, what, people do typos?”

Both are true.

Also, when we look at dimensional reality, there’s another version of me who didn’t experience this reality. And another one who wasn’t even celebrating. And another one who got immediate coffee, sexual favors and didn’t even have a second thought about gifts that morning.

Discounting the possibility of any one reality discards your creative power in the current one you’re experiencing.

At the same time, my higher truth is that things changed immediately as soon as my mindset genuinely shifted away from lack, to neutrality and toward abundance.

Dismissing this (and everything else “odd”) as a coincidence denies the actual, tangible, 100% real power behind shifting your mindset. 

(By the way, “Believer” by Imagine Dragons just started playing on Spotify out of the blue as I’m writing this. 😉

He had a gift for me the moment I was ready to receive one. 

I had been pouting about not being celebrated at the exact moment he was trying to celebrate me. I didn’t even get to the point where I could be ungrateful for receiving something since I was so committed to not receiving in the first place.

Not only did I have no idea something was happening, but it literally could not come through into my experience.

Not only had he gotten me something, but he probably thought I was completely ungrateful for not saying anything about it until we sorted out the misunderstanding.

If we turn it around, his internal reality could have looked strangely similar to mine:

“Why doesn’t she care about me?”

“Why didn’t she say anything about my gift?”

“Did she not like it?”

“Is she upset with me?”

Since he asked if I had received it, he was resourceful enough to tame all of this potential internal dialog and check that his message was received.

There are a few other possibilities here.

Say I had acted cranky toward him because of all the mean things I had been thinking about him earlier. He might not have even wanted to ask me if I had gotten his gift at all.

Now, I don’t know what he thought, since I didn’t ask him above and beyond apologizing for not hearing him. But look at the chain of events which my inability to receive that morning kicked off.

This was not the end of the story or the “odd” occurrences that day. 

Later that night, we went on a search for a key lime pie that not only showed the cracks in my receptivity but what happens when you start messing with the polarity in your relationship.

In fact, polarity is one of the love blocks I discuss in my free masterclass, The 7 Blocks to Manifesting Love.

At the end, I share the Manifest True Love program where I help you untangle these mindsets for yourself, so don’t miss out on that.

Click here to register for The 7 Blocks to Manifesting Love Masterclass.

To find out what else happened that day, keep reading:

How To Block Your MANifestations By Not Trusting Masculine Energy

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