Does it ever feel like you and your spouse are roommates instead of lovers? Are you worried that they’ve already got one foot out the door? If so, don’t panic.
My name is Brad Browning. I’m a relationship coach from Vancouver. Today I’m going to talk to you about how you can get your spouse to recommit to your marriage.
A fact that many of us have overlooked is that being happily married is a tough skill that most of us weren’t taught, which is why it’s completely normal for spouses to hit a bump in the road from time to time.
On a regular basis, I work with married couples who are working on making a brighter future together.
Believe me when I say that as long as your spouse is still there, it’s completely possible to get them to recommit to your marriage.
Here is how to do it.
1. Control your emotions.
When you realize that your spouse isn’t fully committed to your marriage, it’s important that you keep your emotions in check.
It’s completely normal to be upset about the situation but blowing up or pleading them to recommit to your marriage will push over your spouse further away and make you appear undesirable.
2. Become the best version of yourself.
I know this may sound a bit odd considering your spouse is the one who needs to recommit but if you want to give your marriage another chance then you need to change as well.
This doesn’t mean you need to completely change who you are but rather, change your behaviors that are negatively affecting your marriage.
For example, if you have a habit of walking away when your spouse is sharing their concerns with you, then that’s a behavior that you need to change.
Once you show your spouse that you are willing to work and improve yourself, then they’re going to be willing to reengage with you and be more open to giving the marriage another chance.
3. Listen to your spouse.
Many marriages have failed because one partner feels that they aren’t being heard. Get your spouse to give your marriage another chance by actively listening to him or her. Your spouse needs to feel that you value their opinions and beliefs and that they can talk to you about anything.
Now, even when your spouse said something that’s hard to hear like, “I need space,” or, “You have a temper,” it’s important that you demonstrate that you are listening by making eye contact when they speak and then paraphrasing what they’ve said.
These simple steps are going to make your spouse feel loved and respected, which is going to go a long way in convincing them to give your marriage another chance.
4. Pay attention to your spouse.
All people need love and attention and this is especially true in marriages.
Make your spouse feel attractive, loved, and needed and show them regularly how much you appreciate and want them in your life. A great way to do so is by complimenting them or making time for them even it means rearranging your own schedule.
For instance, you could wake up a bit earlier than normal to have breakfast together or spend a few extra minutes before bed talking with them about their thoughts. Your spouse needs to know that you desire them. So pay attention to them.
5. Romance your spouse.
Romancing your spouse could do wonders for your marriage and it’s one of the best ways to help your spouse recommit to your marriage.
To get started, think back to the days when you and your spouse first met and fell in love. You talked together, laughed together, left each other sweet notes and held hands everywhere you went. Getting in this mindset can help with your romantic side.
Next, bring those romantic gestures back into your marriage. Make plans to go dancing Saturday night, rent your favorite movies, or wine and dine together.
Whatever you choose to do, make it something that will reignite the spark between you and remind your spouse why they fell in love with you in the first place.
6. Surprise them.
Similar to romancing your spouse like I just talked about, you can also show them how much they mean to you by surprising them.
Whether it’s giving them a sweet card, calling out of the blue to tell them you miss them, or having a bath drawn for them when they get home, the point is to do something totally unexpected to surprise and wow your spouse.
When these types of surprises return to your marriage, your spouse is going to see the effort that you’re making and how your relationship is improving as a result. This is going to encourage them to give your marriage another chance.
7. Get professional help.
So when marriages get rocky, it’s not uncommon for friends and relatives to suggest that you and your spouse see a marriage counselor.
For some couples, doing so can work wonders but for others, they may not feel comfortable. Since your spouse isn’t completely committed to the marriage right now, this could be an option that you would like to explore.
However, if you’re too worried to ask your spouse to go to counseling, this only going to push them further away. Then you may want to go a different route.
For instance, you could consider my Mend The Marriage Program. This is something that you will be able to do on your own and you can get started right away. If you’re interested in finding more about how the program works, then just visit my website.
8. Be patient.
Even though you may want to see your spouse come running back to you with open arms, the reality is that reconciling a marriage can be a lengthy process. It takes time to work through the issues that caused the distance between the two of you and even more time to fully reconnect.
There are going to be days when you feel like you’re making progress and there are days when you’re going to feel like you’ve been defeated. The best thing you can do in this situation is to be patient and commit yourself to making the marriage work.
9. Tell your spouse you love them.
Lastly, tell your spouse how much you love him or her every single day. Tell them in the morning when you wake up, throughout the day, and right before bed. Just be mindful and read the situation before spilling your heart out completely. If your spouse is feeling smothered or overwhelmed by your affection, then know when to back off.
The end goal is for your spouse to understand how much they mean to you and to remind them that you’re willing to fight for that love.